first draft - fleshing out the conversation on consent and care

[greensinger]

I've written criticisms before of the dialogue regarding rape culture in progressive and left-leaning social networks. In the past, it's been about the placement of consent before desire and excitement ("no means no" vs. "yes means yes") in the social relations we carry out--mostly a failure of framing, I now believe. Recently, though, I've been

Comments

[nuria_asha]

I like your dialogue examples. They really help illustrate exactly what is missing in society right now. Authentic expression of what we really feel and want, and accepting what someone says to be true and valid.

I'd personally like to see more exploration of what goes on in the rapist's mind, why they are driven to rape and what can change in society to make someone not become a rapist. I think the issue is often put aside as, "Oh, just control yourself." It makes it seem as though a rapist is some sort of sub-par human who doesn't have the same capabilities as everyone else. I don't believe that. I think a rapist is someone who is deeply wounded emotionally and doesn't have the faintest clue how to handle the situation healthfully, and they're using rape as a way of getting away from their internal hurt, a way of feeling some sort of connection or pleasure, a way to experience something other than anger, pain, fear and self-hatred.

I have a bizarre level of compassion for rapists because I relived memories of a past life where I was a rapist. As a very shut-off man I lived a life where I never experienced what it meant to be loved ever in my life, where my father figure raped my mother (or mother figure - the memories are not incredibly detailed in all aspects) repeatedly in front of me, and that was the closest thing I saw to love. A far cry from love, I know, but the closest thing I knew in that lifetime. Can you imagine how that life might have been different if one of the victims had shown love and compassion instead of fear and revulsion? I know how impossible that sounds, how ludicrous, even. But if you're going to be raped and killed anyway, why not be crazy and show love to the person who is violating you?

My mentor, Oryx, relived a past life memory where her uncle was raping her at the age of eight. Between listening to my past life memories, my experiences in this life, her memories and experiences, we came to the conclusion that this model for victims - one of loving compassion - may actually be one of the most powerful things we can do to stop rape culture. Because the "rape culture" is just part of "fear culture". And fear ends where love begins.