(no subject)
Well I tempted fate and I got what was coming to me. I begged to have the quintessential coming-of-age, bildungsroman-esque, teen angst-ridden relationship, and in some ways, I got it. However, I got more than I bargained for. I'll admit, as pathetic as I sound for how short-lived it was, it had a significant and powerful effect on me, and I feel experience should be judged by the intensity of the emotional reaction....and since I feel completely and utterly destroyed I'm just going to guage this as a pretty intense experience. I thought that I would have this fling with this 17 year old, we'd have a 3 month tryst of intense love, whirlwind caprices, only to end in heartache as the relationship collapsed due to the straight-laced atmosphere of his high school and family life. It would be one of those "the more tried and difficult the love is, the more powerful and intense the love becomes" types of deals and we would be left spinning out of control in our own lives as I would cry myself to sleep to the soundtracks of mid-late 90s teen movies. No, this isn't what happened. 2 weeks in, he decided that he likes a girl. While this makes me upset, disappointed, and the whole gamut of other melancholia, in a way this is a disguised blessing. I asked fate for a coming of age relationship. Fate dealt me a wild card - it threw something at me that I didn't anticipate yet that is still very true to form of the young gay teen romance archetype, in this case, his psychosomatic sexuality reversal. So you see, in a way I actually HAD my coming of age experience in that regard - even though I had to compromise myself in numerous ways (e.g. literally hours invested uncomfortably with cybersex and phone sex), I feel almost as I have passed a milestone which had stunted my development for the past 6 years. Part of me wants him back desperately though.