Award for being the biggest fuck up
So, just like every Tuesday if I have a chance to, I go out for cheap ass drink night at Anderson's. As usual I had a great time until toward the end when I realized that something happened and it was a huuuuuggggeeee fuck up on my part. A very bad omen happened and I don't know how to take it at all. Yes, I know many people will say they don't believe in that at all. Hell, I even claim not to believe in anything but you will still catch me crossing my fingers from times to time clinching my eyes tight saying please, please, please, to whom or what? I have no idea. I'm scared, I'm sorry, I feel so fucked! Maybe it was meant to be... I don't know, I don't care. If it is 'fate', I will do what I can to change it. For once there is something in my life that I really want to take control up and not let the stars map out for me. I have a really great thing, and I'm not going to let my fuck up, take it away! Of course, that's not all up to me though.
Right now I've only gotten about 4 1/2hrs of sleep off and on. I could barely talk to Mum-S this morning when she called. She actually called when I was in a good part of my sleep, so when I was stumbling on my words trying to talk at least a tiny bit to her, she thought that I had myself another drink because I was upset... hehe.. I'm a lush but I'm not that big of a lush =)~ I will never use alcohol to ease pain or use anything else for that matter. For a split second last night I probably thought I could, but the wheels in my head started turning and though I didn't do it, a small hand reached outta' my ear and started hitting me in the head saying "baka, baka, baka!"
Just a bit ago I looked in the mirror and saw that it looked like someone jabbed an air compressor into my eyes and blew them up. When I look up it feels funny. Usually the tips of my eyelashes tickle the upper part of my eyelids when I look up but right now they can't reach. All I can feel is my lower eyelids hitting my upper eye lids.
O-tay, with that, I'm going to lie back down and hopefully catch more zzz's. I feel a hella' lot better now that I've typed out a bunch o' jibber jabber, but it still doesn't take my fuck up away! Maybe I'll just hopefully sleep for another couple o' hours. Dunno, night night!
Right now I've only gotten about 4 1/2hrs of sleep off and on. I could barely talk to Mum-S this morning when she called. She actually called when I was in a good part of my sleep, so when I was stumbling on my words trying to talk at least a tiny bit to her, she thought that I had myself another drink because I was upset... hehe.. I'm a lush but I'm not that big of a lush =)~ I will never use alcohol to ease pain or use anything else for that matter. For a split second last night I probably thought I could, but the wheels in my head started turning and though I didn't do it, a small hand reached outta' my ear and started hitting me in the head saying "baka, baka, baka!"
Just a bit ago I looked in the mirror and saw that it looked like someone jabbed an air compressor into my eyes and blew them up. When I look up it feels funny. Usually the tips of my eyelashes tickle the upper part of my eyelids when I look up but right now they can't reach. All I can feel is my lower eyelids hitting my upper eye lids.
O-tay, with that, I'm going to lie back down and hopefully catch more zzz's. I feel a hella' lot better now that I've typed out a bunch o' jibber jabber, but it still doesn't take my fuck up away! Maybe I'll just hopefully sleep for another couple o' hours. Dunno, night night!