a heartbroken fool
to the core. looking to be found and not having a bit of direction. this past week has been harsh. we all know what happens when the heart loses its way. everything else becomes obscure and distant. theres little perception and everything is done to run away from the pain and the emotions. i never thought i would have to be here. ever. how shameful this life has become. having "fun" isnt the fun that you seek. it just feels hungover and a mess the next day. and fat. ive broken the ties that i had to my sane existence. now everything is up in the air and i dont know how to fix it other than latching on to the first thing that shows no possibility of substance. and making a fool of my body. whats the point of life of love. heres a teacher, teaching young minds the skills to prosper in the future. why isnt there something to teach on how to heal, how to deal with the toughest thing out there. how do we deal with these emotions and choices we make. why is it so hard. why is there no end to a cycle. why am i so alone in this. isnt that what i wanted. to be alone, to figure things out. how does that work out, how does that happen when everything inside is fucked up. i guess its time to learn, to deal, to heal, without the help of others. there is help but the type of help one needs right now, well the type of help i need is someone there constantly. someone to help put those pieces together. i thought i had everything figured out. its funny how one incident breaks your world apart and suddenly youre not as wonderful as you thought. how did i become such a jerk? all i have now are kids who randomly tell me they love me and like my face.