I'm having a moment(please, let it be just a moment) of absolute indifference and unaffectedness.
I can't even start to describe where I am right now.
I feel like my soul is smashing things, trying desperately to escape this prison.
I feel like this body is a prison sometimes. A very accommodating prison, yes. But still, a prison.
I feel stuck. I feel lost. No, actually, I just am. I'm stuck and lost. I'm in this mother-fucking rut and I have no idea how to get out.
And maybe it is just a moment, and I'll go back to being my old self. The person who wants to change the world and create and inspire........
Do you ever think that who we are, what we are, what we do.........is just chemical? Like, the way our brain works is what creates how we look and how well we succeed or fail. Are we our own makers? Is there nothing we can do to change who we are and what is to become of us?
Maybe our mind gives us chances to do things like, "You have twenty minutes of creativity today, Brian."
Really? Could it really be like that?
I think that if God, or Jesus, or whoever were to drop right out of the sky right this very second, I would feel nothing. Well, maybe the extreme satisfaction that I was right. Because if the higher power were to appear, they wouldn't be real anymore. They wouldn't be a mystery. They become human; just as fragile, just as faulty. And no one wants God to be broken, do they?
Maybe that's why he keeps himself hidden. He wants(or needs) to stay perfect.
I get frustrated because by doing this(blogging, writing, working, living) I feel like I'm trying to.....I don't know, become something? It's like, the more of myself I put out there, the more complete I become. But get this, I look back at, even three days ago, and I think to myself, "Jesus, you are not the same person." Even three days ago!!! Could I possibly change THAT MUCH?!
Am I like some stupid river(forgive the really bad cliché) that is constant and never the same? Really? REALLY?
Excuse me for just a moment(ha), soul's banging on the jail cell with his cup. I have to go tell him to shut the fuck up. No one wants to listen, and better yet, no one cares.
I feel like my soul is smashing things, trying desperately to escape this prison.
I feel like this body is a prison sometimes. A very accommodating prison, yes. But still, a prison.
I feel stuck. I feel lost. No, actually, I just am. I'm stuck and lost. I'm in this mother-fucking rut and I have no idea how to get out.
And maybe it is just a moment, and I'll go back to being my old self. The person who wants to change the world and create and inspire........
Do you ever think that who we are, what we are, what we do.........is just chemical? Like, the way our brain works is what creates how we look and how well we succeed or fail. Are we our own makers? Is there nothing we can do to change who we are and what is to become of us?
Maybe our mind gives us chances to do things like, "You have twenty minutes of creativity today, Brian."
Really? Could it really be like that?
I think that if God, or Jesus, or whoever were to drop right out of the sky right this very second, I would feel nothing. Well, maybe the extreme satisfaction that I was right. Because if the higher power were to appear, they wouldn't be real anymore. They wouldn't be a mystery. They become human; just as fragile, just as faulty. And no one wants God to be broken, do they?
Maybe that's why he keeps himself hidden. He wants(or needs) to stay perfect.
I get frustrated because by doing this(blogging, writing, working, living) I feel like I'm trying to.....I don't know, become something? It's like, the more of myself I put out there, the more complete I become. But get this, I look back at, even three days ago, and I think to myself, "Jesus, you are not the same person." Even three days ago!!! Could I possibly change THAT MUCH?!
Am I like some stupid river(forgive the really bad cliché) that is constant and never the same? Really? REALLY?
Excuse me for just a moment(ha), soul's banging on the jail cell with his cup. I have to go tell him to shut the fuck up. No one wants to listen, and better yet, no one cares.