If I had a fucking dime!
My day was just fucking peachy.
I woke up at Rosemary's house. I left about an hour after I woke up. She gave me a check.
I went over to my dads and dropped off Rosemary's sams club card to my dad and Chyerl. I left after five miniutes.
Today was horribly sunny. It was a shitty drive back up to indianapolis. On the way I decited to call Brandi and ask if she wanted to go to The Bean Cup. She did and we ment there. We talked a bit. She was shitty and werid. I was shitty and werid. It was just a shitty and werid day. I was happy that I was drinking coffee and had someone to talk to. Someone that I like.
I called "Ed" at the Bean Cup. Well actually Brandi called him, than gave me the phone. He did not answer.
We talked of killing small children and how the big bitch ho' that owns The Bean Cup was a bitch. Well actually I was listening to Brandi and a young boy talk of this. He was not really young, he just looks and acts young, so I will call him young.
Brandi and I went to Panera Bread for dinner. That was nice too.
I headed home. I tried to hit some homeless people on the way, but thoughs fuckers were too fast.
I got home, happy my cat was still alive, happy that I did not have an eviction notise on my door. I checked my email. Nothing of any importance. No emails from people I know, no job information. Just some "Are you happy with your sex life?" adds and some bitch called Caren Cater or something trying to give me advice on how to get a man.
I fall asleep on my couch. My phone rings. Its my dad.
Dad- "Babe, you sister is going to end up going to the pen, or she is going to kill her self."
Me- "Yes I figured that out a while ago."
Dad- "Well maybe you could talk some sence in to her. Hell your the only one she listens to."
Me- "Fucking shit."
I call my sister. I talk to her and give her advice that she will never use. She was already fucked up. I can't help her anymore. I never really have helped her. All I have ever done is enabled her. I can councel the kids, I could give her and Britt good advice on there relationship which they actually followed untill I stopped talking to her for a while. But nothing comes before xanax. Nothing.
She asked me what she had to live for. I told her the kids. She can't see them for two years. What is she suppose to do in thoughs two years? I suggested getting her shit togeather, stop stripping, get off pills and other shit and work on getting a nice place to live. Thoughs are all really good suggestions, but really hard ones to actually do. I wish I could give her a quick fix. But I can't.
I found out today, not even the closest person to me understands just how difficult it is for me to breath. And I hate my self for it.