So...
ahhhhhh... im hate those damn pop-ups!!! Anyhow, yes i know you all missed me : ) but im back and im going to put in a quick entry and catch some sleep. so the past few days have been intresting, a lesbian, a married man, and my boyfriend (i know it sounds like the start of a bad joke) and me all work for the same political company, and well all three of them have boners for me. well of course chris does, he's my baby, my friend, mel from work has already mentioned that she finds me attractive, and the married man and his wife have an open relationship, and he always hinting at the fact that if given the chance he would definitly bonk me. i was telling him a story, bout how one day when they were re-painting my apartment i was in bed and i had my window open, and since i live on the second story im not to worried bout people looking in my window, but the painters happened to be on the ladder that day, painting round my window. well lets just say i wwoke up pretty damn horny that morning and decided that i was going to masterbate, i just happed to look up half-way thru and notice that the painters were watching me thru the window, and they didnt duck down right away eaither, or anything it took them a good 30 senconds to look away, now i have to admit that i am a bit of an ex-hibistionists, and didnt quite mind that they caught me it was quite a turn on, but yeah i told the married man at work that story, and he looked at me and said that if he had ever seen me doing that he wouldnt have stopped looking. an that on top of many other things he has said that make it obvious he wasnts it, but he's polite and surprisingly me and chris are both pretty laid back people, im extremly comfertable with my sexuality, and dont get offended to easily. chris feels that hes lucky that other people find me attractive, becaus he likes knowing that he has me an no one else does, he says it makes him fight harder to keep me. he doesnt have to figth, i think im slowly falling for him if not already there, it scares me and im afraid illl fall in love again and that will hurt like a bitch, if i get paranoid and try to hurt him and myself, by going back to cutting, or painkillers. though yes im pretty much in love with him, and to scared to tell him. i would let him stumble uponit in here but he hardly ever goes on LJ. it feels amamzing, and i can see itin his eyes that he actually feels like im the one for him and he just isnt sure yet, but that is the most beautiful thing. i grew up believing something was always my fault and that no one liked me for that reason,its still hard to believe that people want to be my friend, let alone my b/f, but it still amazes me every sweet word that leaves his mouth...