Can't forget about the sex!
"If you don't send your boyfriend naked pictures, I feel bad for him."
- Rihanna, in this interview.
I would add that if you don't send your girlfriend naked pictures, I feel bad for her, too. (Actually it's not true because it depends on what you're into and what they're into and all that, and that's really really important, but point is - there is nothing wrong with this practice as a whole.)
I have ranted enough, I think, about why I am ten levels of frustrated by the backlash that V Hudgens has gotten for engaging in what is commonly known as sexting. I get riled up very easily at the sexual double-standards that befalls women and men (especially in adolescence), but more generally about the kind of moral panic that so many people (especially in the U.S.) generate when it comes to talking about teens and sex. So I was really happy to listen to Dan Savage (in his Savage Love Podcast, episode 160) tear a new one to a male high school principal who suspended two girls from extracurricular activities for taking photos of themselves pretending to lick a penis-shaped lollipop during the summer, outside of school. The school was then sued by the ACLU on the behalf of the girl because this is, basically, bullshit. You should listen to Dan but here is his rant.
Who's bringing disrespect to the school? Who's creating a bad reputation for the school? Austin Couch, principal. Douchebag. [...] The most outrageous part of the story is - the girls were told that they could reduce their punishment by 25% (I don't know what that means) is they went to three counseling sessions and then appeared before aaaall the athletic coaches at the school who are aaaall men to apologize for their action. What this is really about, this whole story, this whole obsession on the part of principal Couch is the fear of female sexuality, particularly teen female sexuality, and the desire to punish and control and humiliate these girls for having any sort of sexual agency at all, for having any sort of desire at all, any sense of humor or play or - most appalling of all, this idea that they were in charge of or in the possession of any control of their own bodies, [...] that their bodies were their own and they could take pictures of them and post them on their own Myspace pages where only their friends could see them... this is really just another bit of evidence that the country and a lot of people in it have a problem with teen sexuality and in particular female teen sexuality and freedom and we have to fight these people, on behalf of these girls.
A+, DAN, A+.
Again I think there are some things to unpack there, it's not as easy and simple as Dan makes it sound. There are power dynamics between girls and boys in teen heterosexual couples that we should pay attention to, and different types of pressures that teens might be under to be more sexual than they feel comfortable being, etc. But I think the only effective way we can address these issues is if we acknowledge that most teens are sexual in one way or another, and THAT'S OKAY. By embracing this fact, we can take it seriously - we can educate and reflect and tackle problems in a much more meaningful and significant way than by pretending teens can be controlled and their sexuality restrained. By acknowledging teen sexuality we can talk about masturbation and deconstruct the fucking virginity myth and explore sex as a multiplicity of practices of pleasure rather than a single act of penetration and we can learn to embrace our bodies instead of being terrified and ashamed of them.
On that note, I have been so unproductive this weekend, but writing about things that matter makes me feel good, so whatever.
- Rihanna, in this interview.
I would add that if you don't send your girlfriend naked pictures, I feel bad for her, too. (Actually it's not true because it depends on what you're into and what they're into and all that, and that's really really important, but point is - there is nothing wrong with this practice as a whole.)
I have ranted enough, I think, about why I am ten levels of frustrated by the backlash that V Hudgens has gotten for engaging in what is commonly known as sexting. I get riled up very easily at the sexual double-standards that befalls women and men (especially in adolescence), but more generally about the kind of moral panic that so many people (especially in the U.S.) generate when it comes to talking about teens and sex. So I was really happy to listen to Dan Savage (in his Savage Love Podcast, episode 160) tear a new one to a male high school principal who suspended two girls from extracurricular activities for taking photos of themselves pretending to lick a penis-shaped lollipop during the summer, outside of school. The school was then sued by the ACLU on the behalf of the girl because this is, basically, bullshit. You should listen to Dan but here is his rant.
Who's bringing disrespect to the school? Who's creating a bad reputation for the school? Austin Couch, principal. Douchebag. [...] The most outrageous part of the story is - the girls were told that they could reduce their punishment by 25% (I don't know what that means) is they went to three counseling sessions and then appeared before aaaall the athletic coaches at the school who are aaaall men to apologize for their action. What this is really about, this whole story, this whole obsession on the part of principal Couch is the fear of female sexuality, particularly teen female sexuality, and the desire to punish and control and humiliate these girls for having any sort of sexual agency at all, for having any sort of desire at all, any sense of humor or play or - most appalling of all, this idea that they were in charge of or in the possession of any control of their own bodies, [...] that their bodies were their own and they could take pictures of them and post them on their own Myspace pages where only their friends could see them... this is really just another bit of evidence that the country and a lot of people in it have a problem with teen sexuality and in particular female teen sexuality and freedom and we have to fight these people, on behalf of these girls.
A+, DAN, A+.
Again I think there are some things to unpack there, it's not as easy and simple as Dan makes it sound. There are power dynamics between girls and boys in teen heterosexual couples that we should pay attention to, and different types of pressures that teens might be under to be more sexual than they feel comfortable being, etc. But I think the only effective way we can address these issues is if we acknowledge that most teens are sexual in one way or another, and THAT'S OKAY. By embracing this fact, we can take it seriously - we can educate and reflect and tackle problems in a much more meaningful and significant way than by pretending teens can be controlled and their sexuality restrained. By acknowledging teen sexuality we can talk about masturbation and deconstruct the fucking virginity myth and explore sex as a multiplicity of practices of pleasure rather than a single act of penetration and we can learn to embrace our bodies instead of being terrified and ashamed of them.
On that note, I have been so unproductive this weekend, but writing about things that matter makes me feel good, so whatever.