My friend Leviticus (M-Day - 4, D-DAY - 24)
Thanks to curlgirl21 for that! As Massachusetts approaches May 17th and the start of gay marriage throughout the State, it's nice to have a laugh about this and at the same time, it's very thought-provoking. I have also just finished Raunch's book on gay marriage which was really interesting, challenging and thought-provoking for several pages.
Anyways on to the fun :
Dear President Bush:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from you, and try to share that knowledge with as many
people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for
example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be
an abomination... End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of
God's Laws and how to follow them...
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female,
provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is, how do I
tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him
myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around
their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How
should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of
getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn't we
just burn them to death at a private family affair, as we do with people who
sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable
expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again
for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
A Concerned Christian American
----
Also, go and rent The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love. It's an excellent little independent movie, very refreshing, cute. Laurel Holloman does an absolutely wonderful job, as does Nicole Parker. Plus, the outake on their story is just - refreshing, as I said.
And I swear, I'm interested in other things. I'm just building my references and all right now :) I've rented The Lion King 1 1/2 for this weekend, whiiiz, exciting! Off to mount my fifth final print (YAYYYY), I've vainquished the Martin pic!!!!
Anyways on to the fun :
Dear President Bush:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from you, and try to share that knowledge with as many
people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for
example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be
an abomination... End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of
God's Laws and how to follow them...
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female,
provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is, how do I
tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him
myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around
their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How
should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of
getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn't we
just burn them to death at a private family affair, as we do with people who
sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable
expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again
for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
A Concerned Christian American
----
Also, go and rent The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love. It's an excellent little independent movie, very refreshing, cute. Laurel Holloman does an absolutely wonderful job, as does Nicole Parker. Plus, the outake on their story is just - refreshing, as I said.
And I swear, I'm interested in other things. I'm just building my references and all right now :) I've rented The Lion King 1 1/2 for this weekend, whiiiz, exciting! Off to mount my fifth final print (YAYYYY), I've vainquished the Martin pic!!!!