I can relate to how you feel about this. I might not understand the depth of how loved you felt by him, but I do relate to the sense of loss, fueled by your doubt about the decision.
Again, I agree with Kumakouji. There was a discrepancy between your values (especially in terms of marriage) which irrevocably changed the relationship. Those changes left you with an emotional dilemma, which you solved by ending the relationship; it's important to stress that once you broke up, you ended the initial emotional dilemma, and are now facing a new emotional dilemma, with new emotions. It's difficult to remember the emotions that led to the break-up if you are struggling with new emotions (doubt, loss, etc) now. You broke up for very valid reasons, and now that you are feeling differently it's only natural for you to doubt those reasons. As Kumakouji stressed, though, logically you have more than enough time to find someone who will love you just as much (if not more); and probabilistically, given you found someone who loved you that much in 15 or so years (can't be romantic as a kid), you have more than enough time for it to happen again, and perhaps this time with someone who doesn't want marriage. Right now you need to focus on remembering how you felt at the end of the relationship, so you can reconcile the emotions you have now with the emotions that led you here.
You probably know all this, and I'm sorry for going psychologist on you. I'm also sorry that you are having to go through this. I am around if you need to vent. :)
Oh don't apologize. You make a ton of sense. Here's how I am feeling today though:
I feel like maybe I lost sight of the big picture. I think I was being too selfish to recognize that we could have put our heads together more. I was not feeling mentally stimulated...true. But I can't expect one person to be everything for me. Overall, he loved me. It's hard to describe, because of course people love each other in a relationship. He loved me for WHO I AM, deep down, flaws and all. He gave me the purest kind of love people wish for everyday. And I didn't take it for total granted, but I did lose sight of what was important. Which ultimately, is having someone who loves you for YOU. I got what I want and what I NEED mixed up.
Don't get me wrong, he has his flaws too. His life was really a mess. Now he says he needs to take time alone to clean it up. He is tired, and I hurt him. Fair enough. But I wish I could have seen these consequences beforehand. I feel like there were things we could have done, but I was being stupid and let go too easy. Now I am paying for it.
Our ideals didn't match entirely. But he didn't mind not gtting married to me. He understood and accepted how I felt. I guess the living situation did bother me. I would have liked to have lived with him, but our circumstances made it impossible anytime in the near future. Anyways, we had a lot of differences and I did start to feel like we weren't "right" for each other. But now it's hard to remember that feeling, because I just feel like i threw away a good thing...
Again, I agree with Kumakouji. There was a discrepancy between your values (especially in terms of marriage) which irrevocably changed the relationship. Those changes left you with an emotional dilemma, which you solved by ending the relationship; it's important to stress that once you broke up, you ended the initial emotional dilemma, and are now facing a new emotional dilemma, with new emotions. It's difficult to remember the emotions that led to the break-up if you are struggling with new emotions (doubt, loss, etc) now. You broke up for very valid reasons, and now that you are feeling differently it's only natural for you to doubt those reasons. As Kumakouji stressed, though, logically you have more than enough time to find someone who will love you just as much (if not more); and probabilistically, given you found someone who loved you that much in 15 or so years (can't be romantic as a kid), you have more than enough time for it to happen again, and perhaps this time with someone who doesn't want marriage. Right now you need to focus on remembering how you felt at the end of the relationship, so you can reconcile the emotions you have now with the emotions that led you here.
You probably know all this, and I'm sorry for going psychologist on you. I'm also sorry that you are having to go through this. I am around if you need to vent. :)
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I feel like maybe I lost sight of the big picture. I think I was being too selfish to recognize that we could have put our heads together more. I was not feeling mentally stimulated...true. But I can't expect one person to be everything for me. Overall, he loved me. It's hard to describe, because of course people love each other in a relationship. He loved me for WHO I AM, deep down, flaws and all. He gave me the purest kind of love people wish for everyday. And I didn't take it for total granted, but I did lose sight of what was important. Which ultimately, is having someone who loves you for YOU. I got what I want and what I NEED mixed up.
Don't get me wrong, he has his flaws too. His life was really a mess. Now he says he needs to take time alone to clean it up. He is tired, and I hurt him. Fair enough. But I wish I could have seen these consequences beforehand. I feel like there were things we could have done, but I was being stupid and let go too easy. Now I am paying for it.
Our ideals didn't match entirely. But he didn't mind not gtting married to me. He understood and accepted how I felt. I guess the living situation did bother me. I would have liked to have lived with him, but our circumstances made it impossible anytime in the near future. Anyways, we had a lot of differences and I did start to feel like we weren't "right" for each other. But now it's hard to remember that feeling, because I just feel like i threw away a good thing...
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