shit hit the fan...literally
One second i have everything planned out...and someone always rains on my parade. blah.
So my drug addict cousin Ben had to go to rehab the other week bc he tried to kill himself. And ben is the type of person where he drags everyone down with him that he can bc he cant do it himself. So...he came up the brilliant idea to tell my parents that i was calling him for drugs...which i swear to you is a lie. So mom and dad told me Saturday that i had to take a drug test in order to get my car back...bc they believed ben. ok lets rewind.... Ben dropped out of high school bc he was strung out on drugs so bad...broke into his mothers car for money to buy drugs...been in jail more times then i can count on 9 peoples fingers and toes...never went to college...had a kid with a girl that he never bothers to see bc he has a new wife...and would come up on a cocaine rage and beat his mom up..which is my moms sister. So yeah they believed him...is there something wrong with this?? Or am i really crazy? Obviously its me bc mom told me i was a cocaine addict and needed rehab. Who knew? So yeah...i decided i had nothing to prove to them so i left and haven't been back since. Just to get some clothes Sunday...
But a little birdy gave me a good idea and i hate it bc this little birdy is always right and it kills me. They told me to go...stay there for a few days and prove to them that i don't need drugs..bc if i was such a big cocaine addict i would go through withdraws. Ha..its funny bc i shouldn't have to prove anything to them...i mean i am their daughter..they've raised me for 20 years...they know me. Just bc i have friends and like to go out and go clubbing..doesn't make me a bad person. I've never been in jail..never been arrested...graduated from high school..made good grades...went to college...had a job...everything. They got my bank statement and helped their selves to it and opened it. I had a 582.00 social security check that lasted me a good month and a half. But since i spent most of it..they think i brought drugs with it. Hey..newsflash...an eight ball of cocaine is like 250.00...a regular cocaine addict goes through about 4 of em a day or more. So that 582.00 wouldn't of lasted me a day and a half. so obviously someone needs to do their research before believing a REAL cocaine addict...just food for thought.
so yes...i hate depending on people..i'm not a dependent person. I like to do my own thing..with my own money...and not have to ask for a ride from someone or anything. Its horrible. So i'm going to go home tonight...and hope for the best.
Ugh..maybe if i was a bad kid everyone would think i was a good kid..ya think?
My life is a slow downward spiral...i'm teetering on the edge..and all i need a good push...and its getting closer..and closer. One second i'm ok..i'm optimistic and its ok..then the next i start thinking and everything just makes me want to cry...idk.
Its not just the whole parental thing..i'm pretty much just pissed about it.
Its you. Oh how i let you get to me..how i let you confuse me and make me want to change myself..hoping that maybe i won't be invisible. Guess things will never change..huh?
Yeah the moving idea is getting better and better everyday. I'm going to have a mental breakdown if i stay here any longer. The beach won't solve everything...not forever...but it'll get better. I hope....
So my drug addict cousin Ben had to go to rehab the other week bc he tried to kill himself. And ben is the type of person where he drags everyone down with him that he can bc he cant do it himself. So...he came up the brilliant idea to tell my parents that i was calling him for drugs...which i swear to you is a lie. So mom and dad told me Saturday that i had to take a drug test in order to get my car back...bc they believed ben. ok lets rewind.... Ben dropped out of high school bc he was strung out on drugs so bad...broke into his mothers car for money to buy drugs...been in jail more times then i can count on 9 peoples fingers and toes...never went to college...had a kid with a girl that he never bothers to see bc he has a new wife...and would come up on a cocaine rage and beat his mom up..which is my moms sister. So yeah they believed him...is there something wrong with this?? Or am i really crazy? Obviously its me bc mom told me i was a cocaine addict and needed rehab. Who knew? So yeah...i decided i had nothing to prove to them so i left and haven't been back since. Just to get some clothes Sunday...
But a little birdy gave me a good idea and i hate it bc this little birdy is always right and it kills me. They told me to go...stay there for a few days and prove to them that i don't need drugs..bc if i was such a big cocaine addict i would go through withdraws. Ha..its funny bc i shouldn't have to prove anything to them...i mean i am their daughter..they've raised me for 20 years...they know me. Just bc i have friends and like to go out and go clubbing..doesn't make me a bad person. I've never been in jail..never been arrested...graduated from high school..made good grades...went to college...had a job...everything. They got my bank statement and helped their selves to it and opened it. I had a 582.00 social security check that lasted me a good month and a half. But since i spent most of it..they think i brought drugs with it. Hey..newsflash...an eight ball of cocaine is like 250.00...a regular cocaine addict goes through about 4 of em a day or more. So that 582.00 wouldn't of lasted me a day and a half. so obviously someone needs to do their research before believing a REAL cocaine addict...just food for thought.
so yes...i hate depending on people..i'm not a dependent person. I like to do my own thing..with my own money...and not have to ask for a ride from someone or anything. Its horrible. So i'm going to go home tonight...and hope for the best.
Ugh..maybe if i was a bad kid everyone would think i was a good kid..ya think?
My life is a slow downward spiral...i'm teetering on the edge..and all i need a good push...and its getting closer..and closer. One second i'm ok..i'm optimistic and its ok..then the next i start thinking and everything just makes me want to cry...idk.
Its not just the whole parental thing..i'm pretty much just pissed about it.
Its you. Oh how i let you get to me..how i let you confuse me and make me want to change myself..hoping that maybe i won't be invisible. Guess things will never change..huh?
Yeah the moving idea is getting better and better everyday. I'm going to have a mental breakdown if i stay here any longer. The beach won't solve everything...not forever...but it'll get better. I hope....