IM COLD
Its so damn cold in here i can hardly stand it. He wants to "tell me he loves me" THATS IT???? If he cant tell me, "hi im so fucking sorry can i come over and put my arms around you now?" then really i dont want to talk to him. He wont say that and all it will do is make me cry. I dont want to look weak AGAIN in front of him, nor will i let him laugh at me again. As much as I MISS talking to him, I cant right now. I'll have to start all over. It's been a week. It sucks. I know hes textd he's sorry and wrote it in his journal or said it on my voice mail but i want so much more than that. I NEVER know how he feels about anything. its drives me crazy. Im tired of guessing. I want an apology to my face, i want him to show me im worth soo much more than the lies and the drama ive gone tro the past 10 months. I HATE that people in his life think i suck. i hate that. I just want him to put his feelings aside for me, he cant. he said maybe if i run into somewhere...WHAT??? you fucking run into me somewhere and you have hair again and are "yourself" and put me thro all this bullshit and i couldnt be there for that??? HA! running into me wont be a good thing, i dont want to fucking meet him like that. I want him to WANT to meet me. ugh. do this for me.
In other news...went to a bullfight last night that was pretty fun. Ive never seen anything like that before. they jump on a bulls head dressed like oompa loompas...weird. tonight going to the lonestar concet. country music depresses me...BUT the company will make it lots of fun!! im busy all damn week, thought id have time for the gym but nope i dont unless i get up early but yea that wont happen. ummm lets see, random call the other night. i ran into him in merced bout 3 weeks ago hadnt heard from him til the other night. hes just a friend and i stopped talking to him when i was asking j not to talk to certain people, lol yea i turned into one of those girls, anyway...hes like wanna hang out after the firehouse on sat??? um NO thats during "booty call" hours and im not driving myself there to hang out with you that late at night..what?? AND if i were interested which im not...you want me to stay?? is it too much to ask for you to drive me home??? guys suck. made me laugh though cuz im not interested in him or anyone else but the fact he was like hey drive YOUR car to see ME. duh, hes even 28...see they never grow up. he is hot though, but im not into him. so that amused me...more selffish cali boys. Im staring at this stupid light on my phone and its driving me crazy...absolutely crazy at the moment.
In other news...went to a bullfight last night that was pretty fun. Ive never seen anything like that before. they jump on a bulls head dressed like oompa loompas...weird. tonight going to the lonestar concet. country music depresses me...BUT the company will make it lots of fun!! im busy all damn week, thought id have time for the gym but nope i dont unless i get up early but yea that wont happen. ummm lets see, random call the other night. i ran into him in merced bout 3 weeks ago hadnt heard from him til the other night. hes just a friend and i stopped talking to him when i was asking j not to talk to certain people, lol yea i turned into one of those girls, anyway...hes like wanna hang out after the firehouse on sat??? um NO thats during "booty call" hours and im not driving myself there to hang out with you that late at night..what?? AND if i were interested which im not...you want me to stay?? is it too much to ask for you to drive me home??? guys suck. made me laugh though cuz im not interested in him or anyone else but the fact he was like hey drive YOUR car to see ME. duh, hes even 28...see they never grow up. he is hot though, but im not into him. so that amused me...more selffish cali boys. Im staring at this stupid light on my phone and its driving me crazy...absolutely crazy at the moment.