(no subject)
Now I just feel like I'm being childish. And maybe I am, but maybe I'm not.
My Friend called yesterday. I thought I'd feel better after talking to her, but I don't. I'm still expected to apologize to this ill-humoured Neanderthal, even though he's never asked an apology of the straight girls My Friend has kissed (and one more than one occasion, made out with) while drunk. I wasn't exactly keen when talking to her, either. Told her I was hurt, not so much by what he said anymore, but because of what it implied. I don't want to seem pessimistic, but I don't really think she cares. She's just interested in making sure that this won't affect our relationship for when she's back home - I'm not too convinced she actually cares that I was insulted, that I am insulted. She's kind of like that; she tends to think that being bothered by personal issues is character weakness and doesn't really believe the things that happen in people's lives are honestly worth getting upset over. Not until she's the one having a crisis, and while she doesn't make a show of it, she does expect us to acknowledge that she's got it rough.
And it wasn't until yesterday that My Friend asked how I was feeling about the entire situation that I realized that I'm not really feeling much of anything, except for hurt. And I'm angry. Not red-in-the-face, shouting-at-the-top-of-my-lungs angry, either. Just quietly upset about how this all comes down to, for lack of a lighter term, homophobia. Or, at the very least, a disinterest in admitting that it's possible for a straight person and a gay one to have a really close friendship without it having to mean that the gay person is looking to jump the straight one's bones. Is there even a term for that?
I don't know, it's just been constantly on my mind since it happened despite my efforts to the contrary. And I don't want to keep talking about it because it's not really anyone else's problem but my own.
My Friend called yesterday. I thought I'd feel better after talking to her, but I don't. I'm still expected to apologize to this ill-humoured Neanderthal, even though he's never asked an apology of the straight girls My Friend has kissed (and one more than one occasion, made out with) while drunk. I wasn't exactly keen when talking to her, either. Told her I was hurt, not so much by what he said anymore, but because of what it implied. I don't want to seem pessimistic, but I don't really think she cares. She's just interested in making sure that this won't affect our relationship for when she's back home - I'm not too convinced she actually cares that I was insulted, that I am insulted. She's kind of like that; she tends to think that being bothered by personal issues is character weakness and doesn't really believe the things that happen in people's lives are honestly worth getting upset over. Not until she's the one having a crisis, and while she doesn't make a show of it, she does expect us to acknowledge that she's got it rough.
And it wasn't until yesterday that My Friend asked how I was feeling about the entire situation that I realized that I'm not really feeling much of anything, except for hurt. And I'm angry. Not red-in-the-face, shouting-at-the-top-of-my-lungs angry, either. Just quietly upset about how this all comes down to, for lack of a lighter term, homophobia. Or, at the very least, a disinterest in admitting that it's possible for a straight person and a gay one to have a really close friendship without it having to mean that the gay person is looking to jump the straight one's bones. Is there even a term for that?
I don't know, it's just been constantly on my mind since it happened despite my efforts to the contrary. And I don't want to keep talking about it because it's not really anyone else's problem but my own.