Baaah to you too Frank
Why do I always feel the need to play god? I'm always searching for situations and opportunities to do good. I want to help people. Serve people. All over the world. But is that what God wants me to do right now? How can I be jealous of other people who are going on mission trips, and serving the lord? Why do I want so badly to be there too, yet no opportunities arise for me... I want to serve people because it makes me feel good. I want to help people who I see as lesser than me. Weaker than me. Could I be any more selfish? Really. I feel uncomfortable with people who are "better" than me. Prettier than me. Skinnier than me. Smarter than me. Cooler than me. I feel attacked. Insecure. All feelings of confidence and self-pride fly out the window. And I become that little girl in sixth grade who hated herself. That little girl who thought she was worthless. Who tried to hide in the shadows so no one would see her and her many imperfections. Why is this? Why can't I let it go? Why do I feel better about myself when helping people who do not have what I have? And just because they don't have material things or worldly things that are so valued. How dare I judge them. We are all human. That's what I believe. That's what I stand for. But sadly, those prejudices still exist. It's my insecurity. My jealousy. My pride.
Lord, let me be content with my life! This is the life you've given me. The body that you have given me. The talents that you have given me. You have given me passion to help others, but not right now. Make me patient. Content. Thankful. If I'm searching for something without seeking you first, it's not of you. It's me. Trying to make plans, and change your will so that I feel better about myself. It's selfish ambition, and will only profit selfish gain. This is not what you want for me. Why do I always feel like I need to earn my salvation? You did it! You did it when you died on calvary. It is done. There is nothing that I am required to do except give my life to you. Will I be able to do that? Not without your help.
You say, "seek first the kingdom of heaven, and His righteousness...then all these things will be added onto you..." I need to seek you. Not my ambitions. The desires of my heart. Because when I seek you, I will receive those desires. In your timing. "Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." You will. I trust in you. I believe your word. Let me delight in you. Take the focus off of my desires. You will provide what I need everyday. You will tell me your will for my life. you will reveal it for me. It is not my place to make it for myself. Then it is my will, not your will. And that will never ever compare to your amazing and perfect will. You have me here now for a reason. I'm in the music school for a reason. I have my job for a reason. I have my apartment and my car for a reason. Let me content with these things. And thankful for these blessings that many don't have. And let me not fear that they will be taken away. Because I know they are from you. And Satan cannot take them away. Thank you for your love. Your patience. Your kindness. Your humility. Let me learn from you. Your gentleness. Your peace. Thank you.
Lord, let me be content with my life! This is the life you've given me. The body that you have given me. The talents that you have given me. You have given me passion to help others, but not right now. Make me patient. Content. Thankful. If I'm searching for something without seeking you first, it's not of you. It's me. Trying to make plans, and change your will so that I feel better about myself. It's selfish ambition, and will only profit selfish gain. This is not what you want for me. Why do I always feel like I need to earn my salvation? You did it! You did it when you died on calvary. It is done. There is nothing that I am required to do except give my life to you. Will I be able to do that? Not without your help.
You say, "seek first the kingdom of heaven, and His righteousness...then all these things will be added onto you..." I need to seek you. Not my ambitions. The desires of my heart. Because when I seek you, I will receive those desires. In your timing. "Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." You will. I trust in you. I believe your word. Let me delight in you. Take the focus off of my desires. You will provide what I need everyday. You will tell me your will for my life. you will reveal it for me. It is not my place to make it for myself. Then it is my will, not your will. And that will never ever compare to your amazing and perfect will. You have me here now for a reason. I'm in the music school for a reason. I have my job for a reason. I have my apartment and my car for a reason. Let me content with these things. And thankful for these blessings that many don't have. And let me not fear that they will be taken away. Because I know they are from you. And Satan cannot take them away. Thank you for your love. Your patience. Your kindness. Your humility. Let me learn from you. Your gentleness. Your peace. Thank you.