perilous in this marvelous existence
i realized today how even though im like happy, im not really HAPPY! like i havent had a great laugh in so long. you know how i used to be that like carefree happy go lucky girl who laughed her ass off all the time and you could hear my laugh like a mile away. well i was journeying with molly to second hour and we heard lorie laughing and i said it was like my laugh, you can hear it from so far away, but then i was like you know i havent really laughed in so long. i dont know why. molly suggested just laughing at nothing to like remind myself how to laugh, so i started doing that today. i havent been as talkative lately or definitely not as hyper. all ive wanted to do is stay home and sleep or lay on the couch. why am i this way? im like behind on sleep and im just tired all the time from life. hopefully this weekend (besides DISCO) i can like have a final resting weekend before softball tryouts. i miss being that crazy girl everyone loved because now im just eh kinda quiet you know. but im already feeling that change back to the old me. so watch out .
i got this great feeling today while i was at home. i walked upstairs and saw my room like sparkling clean from my mom. and i went back to my kitchen and saw how there were dishes lined up to be put in the dishwasher and papers on the table and stuff. so i decided to clean it all up because my mom does SO much for me and i never bother to repay her because im lazy. so i cleaned all of the dishes by hand, i cleaned the table, i put everything away, i took out the garbage. hopefully she appreciated it because i know i do try to like help out but my brother doesnt ever do anything so, i think im gonna try to help out more..
for all of you reading this for an update ( which im sure is.. 0! hehe ) i have 2.5 pounds to go. theres a chance it wont be by thursday because it might not be humanly possible to lose 2 and a half pounds in 2 days, but hey im almost there. i cannot wait. its such a great feeling. IM ALMOST THERE!
cheer me on as i approach the finish line.