(no subject)
hah well this is it. tommorow around 2 in the afternoon i leave for the airport to board on my 5ish flight. i want to write this like, sentimental i love you all but screw some of you entry, but
whatever...
living here has been awesome. it was like this step outside reality. you could leave your car unlocked when parked on the street, you could let your kids play in the front yard without thinking they'll get kidnapped, and you could walk down the street during the apple festival and know mostly all of the grownups and kids there. and my friends and people who weren't even my friends, i've known them all since i was a kid. nothing ever changed, went wrong, or was ever bad. the biggest hurts i've had would be through a boy. but enough with my corny stuff about boxford.
lets see...
my freshman year was werid. it started off with me being super happy and stuff, but after a month of that i was like, full on depressed. not like zoloft depressed, just really sad. and then my taste in music started to change, i changed, and i convinced myself i was over it all. but i wasnt really. and i engaged in all these things that, unconciously, was just me trying to get over that stuff. and this whole year, through all the crap i've given them and gone through, my lovies have been so amazing. i know that i will never find such a strong, confident, and caring group of girls that always give me a shoulder to "lean" on when i need it. and my guys, mark and david and ben, i love them. i dont care how werid they think i am, i just love them. and thats that. i have soo many memories with these people that i can think about when i get lonely over in Europe:(
what else...oh and about the stuff i've learned. i think that i was meant to get really hurt in the beginning of the year because looking at it, i've learned so much just because of it. my lovies, the snazzy six, megbrazelalexsohayladanielle they've stood by me when i sobbed, went into my little world of anger during that time of the month(haha), and flipped out at them when they really didn't deserve it. they are so awesome and i feel like i dont deserve such good friends because at times i wasn't that great of a friend to them.they made me look at the way i treat people sometimes, guys and girls, and they showed me how it was wrong and that just because they were my friends didnt mean that i could take my anger out on them. i loved this year basically because i found out what awesome people they are, through the things they say, the morals they follow, and the awesome heads on their shoulders.
to sum this whole crappy thing up, i had the best going away party ever, and even though it was sad and everything, i loved it so much. soo much. and then the night ended in me making a huge mistake, which got me grounded for a couple WEEKS. oh well. and then i saw chris again, for the first time in a whole year. and all those feelings that i had been trying to get over, came back when i saw him, and when he told me he's liked me the whole year. and its weird, because i thought i'd be miserable leaving not only boxford andmy friends, butnow him too. and the funny thing is, im not. i think because i needed to get that closure (haha corny i know) and that was it. and those feelings really are gone. i mean, they are tons and tons of people (guys) out there. and im excited to find them. ahaha so this is really corny and everything, but im just saying to all my lovies, snazzy six and boys and girls included, i love you so much and i'll be back next summer, anddont forget about me throughout the whole year i'll be gone. and i just want you to know, you dont know how much you guys mean to me:)
so enough with this cornball entry. i love you, like you, and dislike a few of you. but generally, even if you've called me a slut, you're a good person. with just a stupid attitude problem. so until im settled in Europe and not totally jetlagged out of my mind
PEACE OUT ahaha