so its finally "over"
it was really weird going to the senior slideshow today. well, it was really weird getting my yearbook too.
it really hit me how much i dont care about highschool or most of the people in it. that may sound bad, but i really don't.
for a long time i think i was really bitter when it came to my whole highschool experience... i got my childhood ripped from me pretty early on and had to deal with several issues most people don't have to deal with in a lifetime. I resented it. And what I resented even more was the fact that people told me I was "running away from my problems" by deciding to work full time instead of going to school. Highschool in general just, angered me, and i think i became a pretty angry person because of it.
I went through a phase too where I was really saddened by it all. I felt like I missed out this year.
But now I realized I didn't. not at all.
I'm so blessed to have taken a year off. I know i would have gone absolutley insane at highschool this year. im sorry, but i find people extremely shallow, judging, and well, bitchy at IHS. its true. im sorry. im sad that i had to lose contact with some people. and im even sadder that some people decided to purposely lose cantact with me. but you know, i really think it was all worth it in the end.
I loved my last year. i grew trememendously. and ok. so people at highschool will never know me. and they'll always judge me and they'll always have an opinion about me. yes. i will always be "that girl" "that slut" or that "lieing bitch," but in the words of jerry springer's guests.... "you dont knooow me."
anyway, to put in short: i, at one point, felt it very important to prove to people i was not the person i was either portraying or being portrayed as. i wanted people to know the truth. i wanted them to know ME. not the lies. but now i realize, they will never know and they will never care. as long as i know the truth, and god knows, im happy. people will choose to believe the scandal. the lies. the drama... thats what makes highschool highschool right? But I guess that's what I've learned through it all. It really doesn't matter what they think. I will never be able to change it, and as along a I try to do so, I will be unhappy.
i feel so free and so...alive. im sad that people cant share that with me. im sorry they are stuck in their own drama and self pity that they cant take a bigger look at what God has to offer. Im sorry for that. but i cant let it hold me down anymore. live your life. live it up. life is awesome and you should live it that way... thats how god intended it. i kept telling myself all through highschool, "i just want to live..." and im finally doing it.
im finally living.
it really hit me how much i dont care about highschool or most of the people in it. that may sound bad, but i really don't.
for a long time i think i was really bitter when it came to my whole highschool experience... i got my childhood ripped from me pretty early on and had to deal with several issues most people don't have to deal with in a lifetime. I resented it. And what I resented even more was the fact that people told me I was "running away from my problems" by deciding to work full time instead of going to school. Highschool in general just, angered me, and i think i became a pretty angry person because of it.
I went through a phase too where I was really saddened by it all. I felt like I missed out this year.
But now I realized I didn't. not at all.
I'm so blessed to have taken a year off. I know i would have gone absolutley insane at highschool this year. im sorry, but i find people extremely shallow, judging, and well, bitchy at IHS. its true. im sorry. im sad that i had to lose contact with some people. and im even sadder that some people decided to purposely lose cantact with me. but you know, i really think it was all worth it in the end.
I loved my last year. i grew trememendously. and ok. so people at highschool will never know me. and they'll always judge me and they'll always have an opinion about me. yes. i will always be "that girl" "that slut" or that "lieing bitch," but in the words of jerry springer's guests.... "you dont knooow me."
anyway, to put in short: i, at one point, felt it very important to prove to people i was not the person i was either portraying or being portrayed as. i wanted people to know the truth. i wanted them to know ME. not the lies. but now i realize, they will never know and they will never care. as long as i know the truth, and god knows, im happy. people will choose to believe the scandal. the lies. the drama... thats what makes highschool highschool right? But I guess that's what I've learned through it all. It really doesn't matter what they think. I will never be able to change it, and as along a I try to do so, I will be unhappy.
i feel so free and so...alive. im sad that people cant share that with me. im sorry they are stuck in their own drama and self pity that they cant take a bigger look at what God has to offer. Im sorry for that. but i cant let it hold me down anymore. live your life. live it up. life is awesome and you should live it that way... thats how god intended it. i kept telling myself all through highschool, "i just want to live..." and im finally doing it.
im finally living.