some random thoughts about the phase i'm in.
i've changed a lot recently, and i dont know what to make of it. half the time i dont even know who i am anymore. i feel like i'm a different person. and i justify it because i know i'm going to jesus camp in a month and i know i'll be good then. i feel like i can do whatever i want now because i wont do anything bad later.... yea. thats a pretty shitty mentality.
not only has my attitude and "activities/values" changed, my appearance has somewhat too. not that it really matters, but i've been pretty content with myself for the past year and all of the sudden i want to change. i have this new obsession with tanning, and a yearning to bleach my hair again. um yea. can you say barbie? not that it matters, but it just strikes me as odd that i now want that image when i worked so ahrd to get rid of the "blonde" stereotype.
shrugs.
does it matter? i dont know. maybe its nothing and im over analyzing.
but combined with my recent choices, it worries me a bit. i feel like im turning into that stereotypical "sorority slut" blonde. i dont want that... so why am i acting that way?
god lol. i feel like i have split personality. i'm sitting here analyzing myself like im another person. and i decide "ok i want to be good and i want to live my life for god." but then i go out and do the same shit i've been doing. sigh. i dont know what to make of it.
i'm also being really irresponsible about my money. i've ALWAYS been good with my money. but now i just spend it constantly and dont care that i only have two more pay checks totalling $750 and that i owe $700 for my college still, and still have $300 for prom and who knows how much else i will need to get me through a month. i dont know. things are just weird.
im rambling. i should go for a run or something. hahaha yea right.
not only has my attitude and "activities/values" changed, my appearance has somewhat too. not that it really matters, but i've been pretty content with myself for the past year and all of the sudden i want to change. i have this new obsession with tanning, and a yearning to bleach my hair again. um yea. can you say barbie? not that it matters, but it just strikes me as odd that i now want that image when i worked so ahrd to get rid of the "blonde" stereotype.
shrugs.
does it matter? i dont know. maybe its nothing and im over analyzing.
but combined with my recent choices, it worries me a bit. i feel like im turning into that stereotypical "sorority slut" blonde. i dont want that... so why am i acting that way?
god lol. i feel like i have split personality. i'm sitting here analyzing myself like im another person. and i decide "ok i want to be good and i want to live my life for god." but then i go out and do the same shit i've been doing. sigh. i dont know what to make of it.
i'm also being really irresponsible about my money. i've ALWAYS been good with my money. but now i just spend it constantly and dont care that i only have two more pay checks totalling $750 and that i owe $700 for my college still, and still have $300 for prom and who knows how much else i will need to get me through a month. i dont know. things are just weird.
im rambling. i should go for a run or something. hahaha yea right.