i cant believe im back to this...
i tried to be so strong. i tried for once to do it all by myself. i wanted to succeed. to fell the satisfaction that i alone could make it. i wanted to take care of myself and be myself and strive for my goals and when i reached them, i would know that i did it.
i, for so long, was suckered in to highschool drama. to petty arguments, and hurtful gossip. it consumed me.
i finally broke free. i had my own place, my own life. and i was happy.
i've never felt this sick in my whole life. my head pounds and my heart aches. i can feel my lungs closing with each gasp for air. why is this happening to me? why now? i worked so hard. soo hard. why must everything fall apart for me to finally see truth?
i miss god. i miss him terribly and the people who love god. i want it back. i want it all back. and i would take it back if i could. god where are you?!
why must i lose all i worked for in one day? ONE DAY. everyone has left. there is no one else... one day, just in one day, they all leave. all of them.
again i am back to expressing my feelings on livejournal. im back to crying and to wearing my heart on my sleeve. i made it almost a whole year without doing so... i alsmot made it. i could faintly feel the warmth of success coming upon me, and suddenyl the flicker blows out....
my eyes are drowning
i want him back. i fell like i squeezed to hard. he is my sand.... i had him, lieing there in the palm of my hand, and i wanted him so bad i squeezed, and he... slipped through the cracks in my hand.
i thought i had covered those cracks up! i thought i had ignored them and disguised them well enough to make it impossible for them to hurt me again. i guess that was wrong. perhaps everything i beleive in is wrong...... perhaps i am wrong....
my eyes are drowning and i dont know how to make it stop. please.... make it stop.
i, for so long, was suckered in to highschool drama. to petty arguments, and hurtful gossip. it consumed me.
i finally broke free. i had my own place, my own life. and i was happy.
i've never felt this sick in my whole life. my head pounds and my heart aches. i can feel my lungs closing with each gasp for air. why is this happening to me? why now? i worked so hard. soo hard. why must everything fall apart for me to finally see truth?
i miss god. i miss him terribly and the people who love god. i want it back. i want it all back. and i would take it back if i could. god where are you?!
why must i lose all i worked for in one day? ONE DAY. everyone has left. there is no one else... one day, just in one day, they all leave. all of them.
again i am back to expressing my feelings on livejournal. im back to crying and to wearing my heart on my sleeve. i made it almost a whole year without doing so... i alsmot made it. i could faintly feel the warmth of success coming upon me, and suddenyl the flicker blows out....
my eyes are drowning
i want him back. i fell like i squeezed to hard. he is my sand.... i had him, lieing there in the palm of my hand, and i wanted him so bad i squeezed, and he... slipped through the cracks in my hand.
i thought i had covered those cracks up! i thought i had ignored them and disguised them well enough to make it impossible for them to hurt me again. i guess that was wrong. perhaps everything i beleive in is wrong...... perhaps i am wrong....
my eyes are drowning and i dont know how to make it stop. please.... make it stop.