(no subject)
Sometimes it's hard.
Sometimes it feels like the world is being thrust at me, all the problems, all the stress, all the negativity, it becomes over-whelming.
In high school and your early 20's are supposed to be the best times of your life, hearing that terrifies me because I think it might actually be true.
My high school life basically sucked, looking back I remember being fairly happy but I also remember knowing and feeling that I never fit in, always being painfully aware that I am different.
Thus far, my 20's have been the same story. I don't fit in. I almost became every other girl I was so close but I knew that I was losing part of my soul. Still, part of me thinks that it might have been a price worth paying. I know that overall, I have been happy, I have decent friends, but I still know that I am on the outside looking in. Something about me isn't right, I'm not normal. I feel like every one around me knows what it is that makes me different, some times I feel like it is a big secret, a big conspiracy, I wish I could figure it out.
Sometimes I wish life didn't feel like a burden, I don't mean that in some type of depressed, suicidal way, I just mean life, being yourself or playing a role, the burden of pleasing every one or the burden of pleasing yourself, being selfish or selfless, life and everything that encompasses is burdening. It's difficult.
There are many days where it is hard to get out of bed, where the feelings and choices seem overwhelming. I don't know.
When does it start getting easier or is it only down hill from here? When do I get to figure it out?
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