(no subject)
It is weird for me to be sentimental, but I'm in that mood right now. It is weird for me to have friends that are actually there for me when I need them, normally I deal with all of my issues on my own. I don't do this out of choice, normally this happens because of necessity. I don't tend to be friends with good, reliable people. I tend to be there for my friends anytime, any day, any whenever, the same is RARELY returned. However, lately, my friends have been so good.
I'm sitting here at a local restaurant/bar listening to one of my favorite local bands play, my brother just left, none of my friends are here physically, but all of them have answered my calls and text messages. And I know that with my recent break-up I have been super emotional, yet all of them (for the most part) have been there for me.
I never realized that my choices in friends had narrowed so much to actually include people that really care about me, for once. I know that sounds lame and self-loathing, but really. I have been through a lot including break-ups, abusive relationships, and a suicidal father, I had to deal with almost all of that on my own. Now, I actually have people to call, people that are just willing to listen and be supportive. It's weird and nice. I still feel burdening, but I really feel good to have people that I love and love me back.
I have always felt lonely. I remember Justin telling me once that he thought I might be the only person he ever met lonelier than him. This is the first time in my whole life that I feel like I have people in my corner. It's strange. It's like I want to bathe in this feeling.
And listening to this band, I swear they knew what I was going through before I got here or told them. All their songs, right now, speak to me. I'm not drunk, I'm not even psychophrenic, these songs are my freaking life right now.
Love these guys. Love my friends.
Thanks for reading.
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