I'm Dusted.
Some interesting things cross my mind as I ride the bus home everyday.
Today, the first one ['cause reading a book kinda stems most tangent thoughts... 'til I get bored] was of how it must be fate that I would read The Amber Spyglass just in time to get to the part that I start actually participating in drama. [quick overview of "Why Do We Laugh?"; It's about a couple at four points in their lives : 4/5 years old, 15/16 years old, 30-40 something years old, and 60 something years old. It's about their relationship mainly.. starting out as playmates, to high school sweethearts, to bickering and finally to old married couple. At the end... it just.. starts making you think about how our memory starts to fade, and how one day, that'll be us sitting there trying to remember how something actually happened. And I got to the part where *Lyra and Will begin to approach the moment they become dusted [trying to get used to these cut things]* And I started drifting off in thought.
I've found, with these books, that there is amazing amount of truth in it. At first, I took it all in as simply fiction.. poles reversing, other worlds, ect. But as I've grown.. I've found that there's a lot of truth to this book. That poles do reverse and that they're effect is very much like how it is displayed in the book, and that there are theories out there of multiple worlds/dimensions outside of the three dimensions we know... They even mentioned it in passing about a guy who's been locked up by the church for suggesting it.. and more so when describing what an angel would really look like if we didn' have expectations of their appearance.
So.. I started thinking. Why did they suddenly become *different*... and I realized that it must have been with the coming of love. I can't quite figure out what it has to do with dust.. I went on a tangent before I could get that far. But it clicked into place.. Malone's story.. must have been the time that dust finally found her... it's not just puberty like I've always thought.. but what comes with puberty in cases. And then the tangent came. I started thinking about how I was way past the age of "Dusting", so I must be. And I thought about the new revelation and how I must have become dusted very promptly after turning 13... with both puberty slamming me hard and my infactuation with Joe..
And then, ya'all are going to call me crazy.. but my little head voice said "Stephanie, c'mere".
This little voice.. I promptly thought back "wow.. long time no hear.."... I don' recall it responding. But this voice... it's weird. I've thought about it, and it's as if it's a little warning device in my head. Whenever my thoughts start drifting to a place that probably ain' a good place for them to drift, it tells me to come back. And what baffles me is.. it's as if it's utterly random. I don' conttiously think "I wish someone could pull me back" or anything.. it just pops out "Stephanie, come here".. and not commanding.. but comforting. Like how my mom used to say when I'm distressed and all I really need is just a hug. That's how the voice is. Occationally, I'll respond it outside of "geeze.. where is this coming from?".. and occationally it'll respond. But it's not like I'll have long conversations with it, I 'unno if it's because it simply ain' talkative, or I'm suppressing it in my discomfort of realizing I have a fuckin' voice in my head or what.. all I know is I can't initiate any sort of contact with it.. I'll think "voice.. any time now.." or I'll just simply respond to it's 'greeting'... but nothing ever lasts more than three minutes or so.
Then I started thinking. It don' have a name. Usually, I've always just called it whatever the name my current bf is.. 'cause it's been in my head for quite a few years.. though I know not always. I used to think it was some ESP calling from them, wanting to comfort me because that's just how random it'll call out. It almost always surprises me, and when it doesn', I just think it's my wanting it to be there when it isn'. So I thought and thought it unfair to constantly be changing it's name... 'cause obviously, this thing is here for quite some time, if not forever... and I thought.. Paul. It sounds good, don' know anyone named Paul, never dated a Paul. It's fair.
... -_- then I thought... "I'm naming the voice in my head... I am certainly insane now."
I wonder if anyone else has this.
Today, the first one ['cause reading a book kinda stems most tangent thoughts... 'til I get bored] was of how it must be fate that I would read The Amber Spyglass just in time to get to the part that I start actually participating in drama. [quick overview of "Why Do We Laugh?"; It's about a couple at four points in their lives : 4/5 years old, 15/16 years old, 30-40 something years old, and 60 something years old. It's about their relationship mainly.. starting out as playmates, to high school sweethearts, to bickering and finally to old married couple. At the end... it just.. starts making you think about how our memory starts to fade, and how one day, that'll be us sitting there trying to remember how something actually happened. And I got to the part where *Lyra and Will begin to approach the moment they become dusted [trying to get used to these cut things]* And I started drifting off in thought.
I've found, with these books, that there is amazing amount of truth in it. At first, I took it all in as simply fiction.. poles reversing, other worlds, ect. But as I've grown.. I've found that there's a lot of truth to this book. That poles do reverse and that they're effect is very much like how it is displayed in the book, and that there are theories out there of multiple worlds/dimensions outside of the three dimensions we know... They even mentioned it in passing about a guy who's been locked up by the church for suggesting it.. and more so when describing what an angel would really look like if we didn' have expectations of their appearance.
So.. I started thinking. Why did they suddenly become *different*... and I realized that it must have been with the coming of love. I can't quite figure out what it has to do with dust.. I went on a tangent before I could get that far. But it clicked into place.. Malone's story.. must have been the time that dust finally found her... it's not just puberty like I've always thought.. but what comes with puberty in cases. And then the tangent came. I started thinking about how I was way past the age of "Dusting", so I must be. And I thought about the new revelation and how I must have become dusted very promptly after turning 13... with both puberty slamming me hard and my infactuation with Joe..
And then, ya'all are going to call me crazy.. but my little head voice said "Stephanie, c'mere".
This little voice.. I promptly thought back "wow.. long time no hear.."... I don' recall it responding. But this voice... it's weird. I've thought about it, and it's as if it's a little warning device in my head. Whenever my thoughts start drifting to a place that probably ain' a good place for them to drift, it tells me to come back. And what baffles me is.. it's as if it's utterly random. I don' conttiously think "I wish someone could pull me back" or anything.. it just pops out "Stephanie, come here".. and not commanding.. but comforting. Like how my mom used to say when I'm distressed and all I really need is just a hug. That's how the voice is. Occationally, I'll respond it outside of "geeze.. where is this coming from?".. and occationally it'll respond. But it's not like I'll have long conversations with it, I 'unno if it's because it simply ain' talkative, or I'm suppressing it in my discomfort of realizing I have a fuckin' voice in my head or what.. all I know is I can't initiate any sort of contact with it.. I'll think "voice.. any time now.." or I'll just simply respond to it's 'greeting'... but nothing ever lasts more than three minutes or so.
Then I started thinking. It don' have a name. Usually, I've always just called it whatever the name my current bf is.. 'cause it's been in my head for quite a few years.. though I know not always. I used to think it was some ESP calling from them, wanting to comfort me because that's just how random it'll call out. It almost always surprises me, and when it doesn', I just think it's my wanting it to be there when it isn'. So I thought and thought it unfair to constantly be changing it's name... 'cause obviously, this thing is here for quite some time, if not forever... and I thought.. Paul. It sounds good, don' know anyone named Paul, never dated a Paul. It's fair.
... -_- then I thought... "I'm naming the voice in my head... I am certainly insane now."
I wonder if anyone else has this.