o_o;; where's the handbook on this one?
so.. today. In Physics, Mrs. Harvey was talking about how crude sketches can make a world of difference when it comes to understanding how a problem works [today was a work day, so this was more or less just an optional class discussion or work day] and just.. somehow, from there, she started talking about someone who was an excellent visual learner... o_o;; right in front of the class like that and I know 's a small class and all. But even before she said "and she's sitting right here in this classroom" and gestured to me, I knew right away that a very hot spotlight had just landed on me. I recall thinking "oh shit, this is my field.. just turn your head away from the teacher.. dig more furiously into your work [because I was choosing to work and listen to the discussion] and if she doesn't say who the student is.. don't. ask. 'cause you probably don't want to know" I figured : Everyone was expecting it to be me. If it wasn't me, it would be as if I was jealous if I asked or that I was aiming for that high esteemed place in the teacher's view and memory. If it was me, then I would seem pompous almost.. wanting attention.. And that's just been something since I was in elementary. Control the flow of attention directed at me. I only want it when I ask for it, otherwise, I rather blend in. Today, I was working.. and trying to focus on finishing before this small hole of revelation on how to do my work slipped away [ironic that the teacher spoke so highly of me while I was struggling]. I didn' feel like having everyone look at me, talk to me, ask me questions.. or pay attention to me in any distracting way.
And it's not like I was in this humongous class where I don't know over half of the students, only two of them were outside of my thirty person graduating class that I had gone through the school years with since Kindergarten.. and even so, in a school that small, it's not like I didn' get to know the two juniors anyways. Nor was it like everyone was too surprised at this unveiling, because a couple weeks ago, Mrs. Harvey put a worksheet up on the overhead and I was whipping out the process left and right all the way through with a minor mistake..
But the thing is, It's just.. Mrs. Harvey basically imortalizes her star students.. now it ain' too bad that she still talks about Jamie [who had her class and graduated last year], who had trouble with manipulating formulas.. but it's the fact that she's still talking about kids from four or five years ago. Even in this small school, we forget last year's graduates.. look at their pictures in senior hallway, remark how we once knew them.. maybe talk about what happened to them after graduating.. but otherwise, we don't think of them.
But really.. where's the handbook on etiquette when a teacher speaks of you with such high respect? What level of modesty is required.. just how do you not blush like a mad idiot and stare at her as if she's an escaped asylum resident? Because as I mentioned before, I was struggling a bit. That one moment of understanding has gone a long way with Harvey.
I really hate when I get handed the credit. Yea, it's nice to receive partial credit on something greater than you.. but 100%?! hell no. Choir: Kittleson points to me and says "Go!" when it comes to pronuciation on this one song.. and I've made it quite clear to everyone that there's one part, for sure, that I can't say at all. I thought I made it clear that I'm incapable of helping a massive group like the 50 some odd people in choir, with learning the pronunciation of what little I do know. Hell, I even told Kittleson, ASK. SCHWANNY. She knows it. -_- Half the time, she's the one who's teaching me all that I know.. I 'unno why teachers like to put it on me.
... and to top it all. I can't help but feel angry because teachers love to put foil stickers on my forehead and tell me what a good student I am.. but never have I been nominated for student of month. Three.25 years. Not once. But I suppose I can't complain too much, Amy got her first one this year... and I can't help but get my hope up that maybe once they'll officially recognize me [if you could call it that].. even though I'm about 90% [the other 10% is being stabbed to death by hope] I won't get one at all. And I'd say 's all cool, but obviously it isn't. But it ain' gonna stop me from sayin' "'s cool" outside of here.
Well really, I have no time for this, I have to go memorize the nine muses [I Fuckin' know all the 12 Olympians and their symbols T_T Oh glorious day!]... -_- then I have to memorize the various followers, lesser gods and then like five dead dude names and their brain patterns.. even if I think they were on pot when thinking it up.
-_-... I'm pathetic. Just got an eMail from "admissions" and my first thought was "shit, NDSU's fast" Just U of M Twin Cities telling me that out of state tuition doesn' apply to me there.. 9_9 Yea... no thanks.
Well study time. Wish me luck. 'cause I feel more better right now than I did a few days ago. Big ego boost finally getting those twelve down.
And it's not like I was in this humongous class where I don't know over half of the students, only two of them were outside of my thirty person graduating class that I had gone through the school years with since Kindergarten.. and even so, in a school that small, it's not like I didn' get to know the two juniors anyways. Nor was it like everyone was too surprised at this unveiling, because a couple weeks ago, Mrs. Harvey put a worksheet up on the overhead and I was whipping out the process left and right all the way through with a minor mistake..
But the thing is, It's just.. Mrs. Harvey basically imortalizes her star students.. now it ain' too bad that she still talks about Jamie [who had her class and graduated last year], who had trouble with manipulating formulas.. but it's the fact that she's still talking about kids from four or five years ago. Even in this small school, we forget last year's graduates.. look at their pictures in senior hallway, remark how we once knew them.. maybe talk about what happened to them after graduating.. but otherwise, we don't think of them.
But really.. where's the handbook on etiquette when a teacher speaks of you with such high respect? What level of modesty is required.. just how do you not blush like a mad idiot and stare at her as if she's an escaped asylum resident? Because as I mentioned before, I was struggling a bit. That one moment of understanding has gone a long way with Harvey.
I really hate when I get handed the credit. Yea, it's nice to receive partial credit on something greater than you.. but 100%?! hell no. Choir: Kittleson points to me and says "Go!" when it comes to pronuciation on this one song.. and I've made it quite clear to everyone that there's one part, for sure, that I can't say at all. I thought I made it clear that I'm incapable of helping a massive group like the 50 some odd people in choir, with learning the pronunciation of what little I do know. Hell, I even told Kittleson, ASK. SCHWANNY. She knows it. -_- Half the time, she's the one who's teaching me all that I know.. I 'unno why teachers like to put it on me.
... and to top it all. I can't help but feel angry because teachers love to put foil stickers on my forehead and tell me what a good student I am.. but never have I been nominated for student of month. Three.25 years. Not once. But I suppose I can't complain too much, Amy got her first one this year... and I can't help but get my hope up that maybe once they'll officially recognize me [if you could call it that].. even though I'm about 90% [the other 10% is being stabbed to death by hope] I won't get one at all. And I'd say 's all cool, but obviously it isn't. But it ain' gonna stop me from sayin' "'s cool" outside of here.
Well really, I have no time for this, I have to go memorize the nine muses [I Fuckin' know all the 12 Olympians and their symbols T_T Oh glorious day!]... -_- then I have to memorize the various followers, lesser gods and then like five dead dude names and their brain patterns.. even if I think they were on pot when thinking it up.
-_-... I'm pathetic. Just got an eMail from "admissions" and my first thought was "shit, NDSU's fast" Just U of M Twin Cities telling me that out of state tuition doesn' apply to me there.. 9_9 Yea... no thanks.
Well study time. Wish me luck. 'cause I feel more better right now than I did a few days ago. Big ego boost finally getting those twelve down.