Eternal Sunshine
And the journey of a million guys continues... :)
It has gotten easier. I saw Aaron a couple days ago, as we did a quick trade of stuff... I didn't look at his face. At all. Like... don't know what his hair looked like, even though he talked about getting it cut before we stopped talking... but I remember his shirt. But it doesn't matter.
What does matter is that I walk free now. I feel the pressures of life, but I don't let them crush me. It's so hard, but I do it. I want so much to go look up Dr. Kisslinger and tell him. I don't know what he would say... I don't know if it's appropriate to think him my friend after he was my psychologist for how many months before my insurance ran out on me.
Not much has really changed beyond getting a boyfriend... we're not serious or anything right now, but I feel myself falling for him pretty hard. He's just SUCH a sweet heart. And I never would have guessed before because he's so stand offish and rude.. He says that it was just him being shy and I can understand that.
Adam.
After Aaron pulled his stunt, it was Adam that I hung out with the most. I don't know why, but I think it had to do with his giving me a ride home fairly often and proving to be rather chivalrous. My car, Ladybug, likes to just... not work. We haven' quite figured out why yet. But one night, we had all just gone our separate ways and she wouldn't start. I first called Adam because he had given me a ride out to my car earlier that day, so he knew where I was parked. But he didn't pick up... so I called Frank. Had some problems with my phone where I couldn' talk or hear him, but eventually we were able to connect and talk. But before Frank got there, there comes Adam, in his little black VW Golf, pulling up to save the day. haha... as Frank does as well. And well, I hadn' actually talked to Adam, so I couldn' just say "oh bye frank! Adam got here just seconds before you"... I felt bad for him, but that plus I wasn' sure if I wanted to really pursue the feelings I was beginning to suspect myself of having towards him.
But a week ago, like around midnight of March 1st, I was a little drunk, we were watching movies.. his arm had conveniently been slipping down from the top of the back of the chair to my shoulders where he was making little doodlies on my upper arm. I was just kinda dozing when I suddenly had the gall to ask how long he had liked me. He played Mr. Avoidance and pretended to not know what I was talking about. AGAIN. -- tried this once before, but didn' get to the "do you have feelings for me?" part because he was totally not making it easy. He's so damn cute when he's embarrassed. :)
But onto other things! I refuse to make this all about him!!
Still job searching. It's not going too well. It stinks. I want so much to find a job that will support me. Really stressful living from paycheck to paycheck... but alas. I guess will stop here tonight. I will think about the last month more -- this was more spontaneous rather than planned, so I've been chittering about what's been on my mind -- Adam. So I will make a better entry tomorrow. Promise. :)
Good night all.
I really do hope things have been going well for you all... this especially goes out to Tebi who always seem to have a magnet for undeserved trouble attached to his back. Loves to you all and thanks for reading this.. :3 <33
It has gotten easier. I saw Aaron a couple days ago, as we did a quick trade of stuff... I didn't look at his face. At all. Like... don't know what his hair looked like, even though he talked about getting it cut before we stopped talking... but I remember his shirt. But it doesn't matter.
What does matter is that I walk free now. I feel the pressures of life, but I don't let them crush me. It's so hard, but I do it. I want so much to go look up Dr. Kisslinger and tell him. I don't know what he would say... I don't know if it's appropriate to think him my friend after he was my psychologist for how many months before my insurance ran out on me.
Not much has really changed beyond getting a boyfriend... we're not serious or anything right now, but I feel myself falling for him pretty hard. He's just SUCH a sweet heart. And I never would have guessed before because he's so stand offish and rude.. He says that it was just him being shy and I can understand that.
Adam.
After Aaron pulled his stunt, it was Adam that I hung out with the most. I don't know why, but I think it had to do with his giving me a ride home fairly often and proving to be rather chivalrous. My car, Ladybug, likes to just... not work. We haven' quite figured out why yet. But one night, we had all just gone our separate ways and she wouldn't start. I first called Adam because he had given me a ride out to my car earlier that day, so he knew where I was parked. But he didn't pick up... so I called Frank. Had some problems with my phone where I couldn' talk or hear him, but eventually we were able to connect and talk. But before Frank got there, there comes Adam, in his little black VW Golf, pulling up to save the day. haha... as Frank does as well. And well, I hadn' actually talked to Adam, so I couldn' just say "oh bye frank! Adam got here just seconds before you"... I felt bad for him, but that plus I wasn' sure if I wanted to really pursue the feelings I was beginning to suspect myself of having towards him.
But a week ago, like around midnight of March 1st, I was a little drunk, we were watching movies.. his arm had conveniently been slipping down from the top of the back of the chair to my shoulders where he was making little doodlies on my upper arm. I was just kinda dozing when I suddenly had the gall to ask how long he had liked me. He played Mr. Avoidance and pretended to not know what I was talking about. AGAIN. -- tried this once before, but didn' get to the "do you have feelings for me?" part because he was totally not making it easy. He's so damn cute when he's embarrassed. :)
But onto other things! I refuse to make this all about him!!
Still job searching. It's not going too well. It stinks. I want so much to find a job that will support me. Really stressful living from paycheck to paycheck... but alas. I guess will stop here tonight. I will think about the last month more -- this was more spontaneous rather than planned, so I've been chittering about what's been on my mind -- Adam. So I will make a better entry tomorrow. Promise. :)
Good night all.
I really do hope things have been going well for you all... this especially goes out to Tebi who always seem to have a magnet for undeserved trouble attached to his back. Loves to you all and thanks for reading this.. :3 <33