(no subject)
i was not only sociable again today making it two days in a row that i have hung out with friends, but i was all girly and went to the mall with jillian. fun times. oh and hailz, your the greatest ever for finding thoes awsome awsome pants! thanks
i just watched some vietnam movie on tv cus i didnt feel like doing my usual pasttime of reading or sleeping. i dont even know what it was called, but it depressed the hell out of me, not that i wasnt depressed beforehand. and like i think the point of it was to be all patriotic cus almost all american war movies are just propaganda, but i look at thoes things from the other side. like the entire movie was just like lets go kill thoes people cus we think that maybe there is some enemy out there, but really we just need to see how many people we can kill for satistical purposes. and it just shows how pointless war is. and also how idealistic soldiers are. its ironic, cus they usually say that it is the war protesters that are idealistic, yet i see as the soliders thinking that they can save the world through combat as being the ones that are doing things based on their idealism.
i dunno, i know that i am a extremely cynical person and over anylize everything, and also i tend to ponder on all the shit in the world, but like it just sucks. everything just sucks. and no matter what happens, were are all going to lose. thats just life. sometimes i dont know why i take the shit of the world into my own lap cus i really cant help it sometimes. and i sometimes wish i didnt care so much. though at the same time i know that i have to care or no one else will. but it doesnt make the feeling anyless painful. oh and just so you all know, that this entry has turned into sarah venting about her fucked up way of thinking and emotions and taking a outside thing that depresses me to vent about an interior thing that depresses me, not doubting my involvement with tikun olum, cus i hate it when people are like "dont give up" crap. i dont think that i am making sense anymore. i am going to go shut up now.
i just watched some vietnam movie on tv cus i didnt feel like doing my usual pasttime of reading or sleeping. i dont even know what it was called, but it depressed the hell out of me, not that i wasnt depressed beforehand. and like i think the point of it was to be all patriotic cus almost all american war movies are just propaganda, but i look at thoes things from the other side. like the entire movie was just like lets go kill thoes people cus we think that maybe there is some enemy out there, but really we just need to see how many people we can kill for satistical purposes. and it just shows how pointless war is. and also how idealistic soldiers are. its ironic, cus they usually say that it is the war protesters that are idealistic, yet i see as the soliders thinking that they can save the world through combat as being the ones that are doing things based on their idealism.
i dunno, i know that i am a extremely cynical person and over anylize everything, and also i tend to ponder on all the shit in the world, but like it just sucks. everything just sucks. and no matter what happens, were are all going to lose. thats just life. sometimes i dont know why i take the shit of the world into my own lap cus i really cant help it sometimes. and i sometimes wish i didnt care so much. though at the same time i know that i have to care or no one else will. but it doesnt make the feeling anyless painful. oh and just so you all know, that this entry has turned into sarah venting about her fucked up way of thinking and emotions and taking a outside thing that depresses me to vent about an interior thing that depresses me, not doubting my involvement with tikun olum, cus i hate it when people are like "dont give up" crap. i dont think that i am making sense anymore. i am going to go shut up now.