A Lot On My Shoulders, A Lot On My Mind
This past Sunday I had to make an announcement at church to promote our show this weekend. During second service, I got uproarious applause and it both deeply embarrassed & blessed me. I always get so shy and self-conscious when I have to speak in front of second service because that is the one with all the people I care about & respect most sitting in the congregation. (Okay I like 1st service people a whole lot too, but you get it). And it blessed me because the applause was really for Sam. Scott asked me during the announcement how he was doing, and I was encouraged to veer totally off course and give an update on my baby instead of my dance ministry, and the whole church whooped and hollered at the announcement he is now well over 2 pounds. I am so blown away at how many people are rooting for my child.
He is going to live a very different life than I did, and that is a beautiful thing.
And I am so grateful for the way my life has, in the past few years, turned out to be a beautiful thing as well.
My dancers are performing this weekend, and while I am concerned at how few people some of them have invited (this is our fundraiser for the year!!!!!), they have worked frighteningly hard and I know it is going to go great. God always provides, but I still always hold my breath a little :)
In other news, Frank had to get his entire big toenail removed yesterday. That is pretty horrifically gross right there if you ask me! So now I have a baby in the hospital, a dog who is addicted to eating plastic bags, and a husband who is a cripple. What a family we are.
Speaking of family, my dad was fired from yet another job. I went through my usual routine of screaming in my head how frustratingly irresponsible he is, crying at how it once again robbed my mother of any future security (or you know, trips to Hawaii....), and then let it go and realized that he is not my problem. I love him dearly, but he has made his choices.....as difficult as it is to watch.
What is it about me that makes me feel so deeply for other people? Tonight a homeless man was on the corner with his cardboard sign and I wept for him a little bit. What a crappy way to spend a Tuesday evening. And why did I care? I grew up in the bay area where there is a homeless person practically on every busy corner, and plenty of traffic to sit and stare at them, far from being able to turn away. And why am I not numb to it? Is there an off switch for the way I feel, or is there a way to live my life in a better way? I just don't know.
But I am learning to not worry. Why should I? Everything will work out. My baby sure isn't worried. Look how relaxed he was tonight.
And if Sam thinks it is all going to be all right, then I certainly can try to as well.
He is going to live a very different life than I did, and that is a beautiful thing.
And I am so grateful for the way my life has, in the past few years, turned out to be a beautiful thing as well.
My dancers are performing this weekend, and while I am concerned at how few people some of them have invited (this is our fundraiser for the year!!!!!), they have worked frighteningly hard and I know it is going to go great. God always provides, but I still always hold my breath a little :)
In other news, Frank had to get his entire big toenail removed yesterday. That is pretty horrifically gross right there if you ask me! So now I have a baby in the hospital, a dog who is addicted to eating plastic bags, and a husband who is a cripple. What a family we are.
Speaking of family, my dad was fired from yet another job. I went through my usual routine of screaming in my head how frustratingly irresponsible he is, crying at how it once again robbed my mother of any future security (or you know, trips to Hawaii....), and then let it go and realized that he is not my problem. I love him dearly, but he has made his choices.....as difficult as it is to watch.
What is it about me that makes me feel so deeply for other people? Tonight a homeless man was on the corner with his cardboard sign and I wept for him a little bit. What a crappy way to spend a Tuesday evening. And why did I care? I grew up in the bay area where there is a homeless person practically on every busy corner, and plenty of traffic to sit and stare at them, far from being able to turn away. And why am I not numb to it? Is there an off switch for the way I feel, or is there a way to live my life in a better way? I just don't know.
But I am learning to not worry. Why should I? Everything will work out. My baby sure isn't worried. Look how relaxed he was tonight.
And if Sam thinks it is all going to be all right, then I certainly can try to as well.