5 percent
it was in the back of mind that i'd see him here today but i tried to push it back and have a good time. and so i did. i mean, the place is huge how likely would it be that i'd come across HIM right? and even if i did, i'm supposed to be able to handle it. i thought i would be fine if i came across something like this again because it had been SO long. i was about 95 percent sure with myself that i'd be strong enough, that it wouldn't phase me... but far be it from me to underestimate an insignificant 5 percent of anything anymore. as long as it's there it's just a reminder of how i can fall all over again, how i won't be strong enough, and how i wasn't. so here i am with these old scars slowly tearing loose and this pain swirling through my being as i see him pass me by on my way home. my way HOME. it was all supoosed to be over with no worries. but again, what are the odds... what are the odds that he would have been there, what are the odds that we would have walked past eachother with only inches seperating us, and what are the odds that that same boyfriend of his from 2 years ago when this all started would still be by his side even now. maybe it's that he didn't recognize me at all that bothered me most or maybe it's that this guy who never has long lasting relationships has finally found someone who he still cares for even after years pass. it wouldn't hurt nearly as much if i'd passed him by and he was alone, or even if he had someone else. but why does HE deserve to have someone that he can be happy with for so long? 5 percent chance is all it takes to prove how vulnerable you are. it's all it takes to break through the strongest defenses and it's certainly enough to make one fall no matter high above it he thinks he is