I suck!
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The question will always remain, what is wrong with me? I think I should be labeled with some sort of warning...I don't know, maybe..."Impossible to Please" or "Slutty Resentful, Finicky Bitch".
Hmm. And here it will all come pouring out. But first, at the beginning. Steering away from me. Rant away.
I have this very set idea of what casual sex is. Casual sex is randomly (every once in a while) hooking up with guys, friends mostly, and la de da de da. Casual sex is NOT, in my mind, having an obligation to a) put out with the same person everytime you are in an altered state or b) have sex every other fucking night with the same person. Obligation SUCKS and that is INVOLVEMENT, not casual sex. So what the fuck is wrong with guys here and attachment?! Eh, eh? Even when I have had discussions about my thoughts on this with them, why do they always get so fucking clingy?! WHY?! It is so annoying. So, so, so annoying. I hate obligation. Let me explain why (and there is where we figure out why I suck).
The longest relationship I've ever had is one week. Yes. ONE WEEK. Because I can't stick with it. I start to hate the person, and I mean hate. Resentment and bitterness times 100. And it is so illogical. I notice all the flaws in their personality, all the things that drive me insane with contempt and it grinds on me like no other until I just cant even stand the thought of the person. Not only that but they start to look so much less attractive than they did at first. I mean, ugly as hell. And then of course I start being horribly mean, evasive, and rude because just the sight of them makes my blood boil. And the illogical part is, I know they aren't that bad of a person and if I hadnt gotten involved with them I wouldn't mind them at all, in fact, I'd still like them as a freind very much. SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?! People always say, and I have come up with the conclusion before as well, that I must be afriad of commitment and therefore push people away. I've thought this over many a times, and I just don't think it is so. I mean, yes, I hate obligation and yes, I don't want to be in a relationship partly because it scares the shit out of me how vulnerable I'd be, but I don't think this explains the hate I begin to feel for whomever I am geting involved with. Cause this is strong hate and disgust that stirs my stomach and the idea that I ever even touched them is enough to make me sick.
So what is it!? I just don't know. Perhaps I have expectations way too high, and the disappointment is just way too much to handle. I'm not sure, but I just had to rant this out.
In conclusion, fucking ass face Max needs to get the FUCK away from me and stop trying to get me drunk or stoned so I'll fuck him more because it is NOT going to happen. *shudder* Sorry, I am being vulgar. Not only is he disgusting and has bad breath and do I hate how he thinks he knows everything and is so fucking liberal, only knows a liberal life and town and ideas and is so closed minded to all things NOT liberal and assumes things from sterotypes all the time because he was so fucking sheltered and is so so so hypocritical of his own liberalness because he is so closed minded but he is the most selfish "lover" (*puke*) ever and SUCKS. Ahem.
So yes. Sorry you all had to bare wittness to this outrage. In *real* conclusion: I suck, I am a mean mean person, and Max, I HATE YOU, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!
(Not Max, Max Hames. I love Max Hames.)
The question will always remain, what is wrong with me? I think I should be labeled with some sort of warning...I don't know, maybe..."Impossible to Please" or "Slutty Resentful, Finicky Bitch".
Hmm. And here it will all come pouring out. But first, at the beginning. Steering away from me. Rant away.
I have this very set idea of what casual sex is. Casual sex is randomly (every once in a while) hooking up with guys, friends mostly, and la de da de da. Casual sex is NOT, in my mind, having an obligation to a) put out with the same person everytime you are in an altered state or b) have sex every other fucking night with the same person. Obligation SUCKS and that is INVOLVEMENT, not casual sex. So what the fuck is wrong with guys here and attachment?! Eh, eh? Even when I have had discussions about my thoughts on this with them, why do they always get so fucking clingy?! WHY?! It is so annoying. So, so, so annoying. I hate obligation. Let me explain why (and there is where we figure out why I suck).
The longest relationship I've ever had is one week. Yes. ONE WEEK. Because I can't stick with it. I start to hate the person, and I mean hate. Resentment and bitterness times 100. And it is so illogical. I notice all the flaws in their personality, all the things that drive me insane with contempt and it grinds on me like no other until I just cant even stand the thought of the person. Not only that but they start to look so much less attractive than they did at first. I mean, ugly as hell. And then of course I start being horribly mean, evasive, and rude because just the sight of them makes my blood boil. And the illogical part is, I know they aren't that bad of a person and if I hadnt gotten involved with them I wouldn't mind them at all, in fact, I'd still like them as a freind very much. SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?! People always say, and I have come up with the conclusion before as well, that I must be afriad of commitment and therefore push people away. I've thought this over many a times, and I just don't think it is so. I mean, yes, I hate obligation and yes, I don't want to be in a relationship partly because it scares the shit out of me how vulnerable I'd be, but I don't think this explains the hate I begin to feel for whomever I am geting involved with. Cause this is strong hate and disgust that stirs my stomach and the idea that I ever even touched them is enough to make me sick.
So what is it!? I just don't know. Perhaps I have expectations way too high, and the disappointment is just way too much to handle. I'm not sure, but I just had to rant this out.
In conclusion, fucking ass face Max needs to get the FUCK away from me and stop trying to get me drunk or stoned so I'll fuck him more because it is NOT going to happen. *shudder* Sorry, I am being vulgar. Not only is he disgusting and has bad breath and do I hate how he thinks he knows everything and is so fucking liberal, only knows a liberal life and town and ideas and is so closed minded to all things NOT liberal and assumes things from sterotypes all the time because he was so fucking sheltered and is so so so hypocritical of his own liberalness because he is so closed minded but he is the most selfish "lover" (*puke*) ever and SUCKS. Ahem.
So yes. Sorry you all had to bare wittness to this outrage. In *real* conclusion: I suck, I am a mean mean person, and Max, I HATE YOU, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!
(Not Max, Max Hames. I love Max Hames.)