Here's an update for you!
I'm not very good at keeping resolutions, am I? That one was kind of stupid anyway I guess. I couldn't even keep my other resolution to only listen to songs that mention or are named Karen. Although, "Karen" by The National is pretty awesome.
And I was sort of upset when I realized that most songs featuring Karen have themes relating to drug abuse, alcoholism, and sex.
Brendan pointed out to me that the Sonic Youth song "Tunic (song for Karen)" is not about any of those things. I counter: it's about Karen Carpenter and an eating disorder, which is probably worse.
I'm so wishy washy nowadays. I'm loving this summer. It's the first time in a long long time I've been able to sit back and coast through something, and just think. I spent 2 hours curled up in my big round chair doodling and thinking. I NEVER get to do that during the school year.
This is a fairly shallow entry I guess but I don't care. I have to stop saying "I don't care" and "It doesn't matter" - furthermore I should just start taking real sincere stands on what I want and then get it. Once a bum told me that I always get what I want, but I don't know what I want. I gave him a beer.
I get the feeling, quite often, that nobody really listens to me when I talk and they're just waiting until I stop talking so that they can talk, either to voice their own opinion or to one-up me. I love listening so I don't mind it, but I often get sad that most of the conversations I have with "friends" around here are about drinking, drug use, stupid plans made with the intent to drink or do drugs, and general tomfoolery.
I want real talk. I want someone to figure things out with me so I won't be so locked up in my head all the time. I definitely didn't have that with Joe or Matt even. It doesn't have to be a boyfriend or anything but it seems that even the people I'm closest to have no idea what I'm actually like outside of being an unkempt party girl with a semi-lethal temper and a love of Plucker's.
So instead of having this conversation with a human being, I will just have it with an online journal. Instead of figuring out problems with people, I will read books and use them as the fictional justifications of my own beliefs.
Whatever. None of this means anything anyway.
And I was sort of upset when I realized that most songs featuring Karen have themes relating to drug abuse, alcoholism, and sex.
Brendan pointed out to me that the Sonic Youth song "Tunic (song for Karen)" is not about any of those things. I counter: it's about Karen Carpenter and an eating disorder, which is probably worse.
I'm so wishy washy nowadays. I'm loving this summer. It's the first time in a long long time I've been able to sit back and coast through something, and just think. I spent 2 hours curled up in my big round chair doodling and thinking. I NEVER get to do that during the school year.
This is a fairly shallow entry I guess but I don't care. I have to stop saying "I don't care" and "It doesn't matter" - furthermore I should just start taking real sincere stands on what I want and then get it. Once a bum told me that I always get what I want, but I don't know what I want. I gave him a beer.
I get the feeling, quite often, that nobody really listens to me when I talk and they're just waiting until I stop talking so that they can talk, either to voice their own opinion or to one-up me. I love listening so I don't mind it, but I often get sad that most of the conversations I have with "friends" around here are about drinking, drug use, stupid plans made with the intent to drink or do drugs, and general tomfoolery.
I want real talk. I want someone to figure things out with me so I won't be so locked up in my head all the time. I definitely didn't have that with Joe or Matt even. It doesn't have to be a boyfriend or anything but it seems that even the people I'm closest to have no idea what I'm actually like outside of being an unkempt party girl with a semi-lethal temper and a love of Plucker's.
So instead of having this conversation with a human being, I will just have it with an online journal. Instead of figuring out problems with people, I will read books and use them as the fictional justifications of my own beliefs.
Whatever. None of this means anything anyway.