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just talked to nate and he said the kewlest thing to me. i mean seriously. it twas the kewlest. we were talkin bout saturday kinda and likes he said that he noticed somethin bout jeremy and i. he didnt know if it was just cuz we hadnt been round each other or what but we really seem to connect to each other and that he noticed that i act like a different person with jeremy than i do with him or like sam or anybody else. he said he thinks its kewl, cuz he thinks its the real me. and well i've always thought that but i never knew if it was good or bad. but he thinks its good so it must be. but it made me feel really good, along with some other things. but before that there have been a few updates on the kendra jeremy front. like after saturday we didnt really talk to each other cuz well i was dying and wasnt online. but i got online like tuesday i think and we talked some. nothing major really. and well it was driving me crazy and i thought i was going to blow up on him. but he ended up blowing up on me. started out with us talking bout what all he remembered from the night and then he just busted out with an "i'm sorry if you're hurt by what happened, i dont want to hurt you" all kinds of stuff like that. but then he said he thought the night was a great experience and that he was glad it had happened but i seemed kinda dissapointed. and i told him everything pretty much. that i kinda it all in mind and knew what i was getting myself into. that i didnt really expect him to go back out with me or anything like that. that all i wanted was just another night with him where it seemed like he liked me still. and he told me did like me. and well i told him that i know but as a g/f and express it to me n stuff like that night. and well he told me a bunch of nice stuff after that. that he still liked me a lot and that he loved me and has been in love with me for 3 years and that his name is synonomous with mine and that he's closer to me than anyone. and it was really nice to hear him say that stuff. he then told me he had thought about asking me back out a bunch and even more since saturday. but he's scared to hurt me again cuz stuff happens when we get back together. he mentioned somethin bout us like hanging out n stuff not as a date or anything and see how things go from there. which is kewl i think. cuz i'd like that a lot. i want to be with him really bad. and i'll take what i can get. which is pathetic, yes. but i dont care. i told nate all that and he thinks i'm in the good. and well if nate thinks its good then it has to be. heh. but i'm happy. i hope i can get jeremy back. i'm way to attached to him. but i cant help it. i love him a lot. and personally i dont wanna stop loving him or anything. and i'm just really happy he still loves me and that he's thought bout me. cuz i thought he'd just givin up on us after he dumped me. i mean i dunno. i just didnt think good. tis mainly why i was so fuckin depressed. but i'm feeling a little more confident now. so hopefully that'll be good. but yeah. there's an update on the current status of that. lets keep our fingers crossed ladys and gents.