fic: The Hard Part [PG, John/Teyla]
Title: The Hard Part
Rating: PG
Spoilers: liek whoa for Spoils of War
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis. I wish I did have this episode.
Summary: Radek wanted to know what the "hard part" was. For John, it wasn't groveling for Teyla's help to pilot the Hive. Tag to Spoils of War.
Notes: I had other writing plans for the day, but this jumped into my mind and wouldn't let go. Don't you hate this fics that come in, boot out the ones you've been working on for a week or so, and demand that you write them in half an hour or die trying? This was one of those little beasts. Beware the angst! It burns!
The Hard Part
At the end of the day, John decides the hard part wasn’t suiting Teyla up and putting her out on the Hive ship where she could (and did) wind up in danger. He’s put her in worse situations before and even if it’s unfair to the baby, it was her decision to go in the end. He can only take partial responsibility.
It wasn’t groveling for her help after going off on her in the locker room. His ego wasn’t as big as McKay’s and could handle backpedaling on an earlier stance. He deserved the bit of attitude she gave him. In fact, he probably deserved a punch in the face for overreacting originally. It was a good thing Teyla was much more levelheaded than he.
The hard part is holding her while she cries and sniffles into his jacket, and knowing he can’t give her the comfort she needs because he doesn’t know the horror of nearly losing your child. This is just the beginning of a long and difficult journey for her that he can’t be part of. He’ll be there for her, of course, but he’s not an integral player this time.
The baby isn’t his, end of story, and he’s not going to take on the role of the father. Unless the father isn’t - unless she wants…
He’s not even going to think about it.
Not after he thought it might’ve been better if he had been a moment slower on the trigger and the baby had died. He can’t imagine trying to help parent with Teyla when he just a minute ago he wanted the baby gone.
The hardest part is feeling like a crazed monster when he imagines her belly flat again and her son just a painful memory.