fic: Sensitivity Training [PG-13, team]

Nov 25, 2007 14:17

 Title: Sensitivity Training
Rating: PG-13 for language and nekkid boys
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Captain Teyla Emmagan is forced to have a personal talk with her two alien teammates. Not in the Stars universe, set early season two.
Notes: A fic expanded from John's line in Adaptation, "The people of Earth were incredibly sensitive to the sight of the naked human body, so much so that both John and Ronon were no longer allowed to walk around the base shirtless." Of course, the boys are completely clueless as to why two attractive males running around half-naked all the time would be a problem. :)
Previous fics in the series:
Not in the Stars
Adaptation

Sensitivity Training
“Colonel Sumner, sir. Please don’t make do this.”
“They’re your team, Captain Emmagan,” Colonel Sumner responded, not looking up from his paperwork. “Suck it up and deal with it.”
Teyla huffed loudly, blowing her bangs out of her eyes. Sumner hated it when she did that - he had threatened to cut them off himself on numerous occasions.
“But sir. Can’t you just get Major Lorne or - or one of the Marines to do it? Please?”
She wasn’t one to beg, especially not in front of her CO, but under the circumstances, her pride was off taking a hike.
She and Sumner had worked together for a year and a half, and they had come to respect - if not like - each other by the time the Wraith had besieged Atlantis. Although Sumner could still be a misogynistic jackass at the best of times, they got along much better than they had at the start of the expedition. He had even fought for a promotion so she could continue to be his second-in-command in Atlantis.
The SGC and the Air Force hadn’t bought his arguments though - something about the message promoting the soldier who had awoken the Wraith would send to their allies. It had been Sumner’s fight that had kept her on Atlantis, though, and she respected his effort, more than he probably knew.
“Did you or did you not tell me at the beginning of this expedition that you would accept any responsibilities concerning the alien members on your team?” Sumner asked, scribbling something in one of his folders and tossing it aside.
“Yes,” Teyla responded through gritted teeth. “But I thought you meant serious responsibilities - ”
“My definition of ‘serious’ responsibilities is different from yours, and as your commanding officer, it is my definition we will be going with,” he said. “This situation is part of your responsibilities, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you.”
He looked up from his papers at last, an amused smirk on his lips. He had been enjoying her torment; she knew it.
“With all due respect, sir,” she sighed, slumping back in her chair. “I hate you.”
“Think of it as sensitivity training, Emmagan. Isn’t that something you’re always harping about?” Sumner said, turning back to his papers. “Now, man up, get out of my office, and give those boys a good talking to.”
*
Teyla tapped her earpiece as she walked down the empty corridor, her boots echoing quietly against the tile.
“Dr. McKay, come in please.”
“I’m busy at the moment, Captain,” Meredith McKay replied, condescending as always. “What do you want?”
“Do you know where Ronon and John are?”
“Why would I know where Chewbacca and the Human Light Switch are?” she snapped, irritated this time. “Unlike you, I don’t particularly enjoy getting beat up by them every day of my life. It’s not like we’re buddies.”
“Oh yeah?” Teyla challenged, frowning even though she wasn’t there to see. “Then why did I overhear you three planning a movie night last week and you didn’t invite me?”
There was silence on the other end of the radio while Meredith’s enormous brain tried to think of a suitable way to placate a pissed off woman who could easily kick her ass. Teyla liked to see her squirm when she made a social folly liked this.
Sometimes it really did bother her that her team did things without her all the time. She was the odd one out. Unlike her loud, opinionated, and often times obnoxious teammates, Teyla was quiet, reserved and overlooked by everyone. She used that to her advantage in combat situations - no one expected the quiet one to be the fastest in a draw or to have the hardest punch.
Social situations were a different matter entirely. She came off as snobby and frigid because she was terrible with people and their emotions. Meredith had the same problem, but got away with it by batting her big doe eyes and whining as much and as often as possible.
“Tell me where they are and I’ll forget that I ever overheard that conversation.”
Meredith sighed loudly at the other end.
“C’mon, Mer.”
“Fine,” she said gruffly. “They’re out on North Pier, bench pressing puddlejumpers or something physically exhausting like that. They wanted me to come watch, but I had better things to do than stare at their chiseled, sweaty, gleaming - ”
“You’re objectifying them again,” Teyla said tersely. “And you missed your last chance to look. I’m supposed to talk to them about that tonight.”
“Oh, thank God,” Meredith exclaimed. “I’m glad someone finally decided to take this matter under control. Do you know how many productive hours of work I’ve lost because of them? I was gonna say something about it the other day, but that’s just so awkward, you know?”
Teyla rolled her eyes.
“Oh, believe me. I know just how awkward it’s going to be, Meredith.”
*
John and Ronon weren’t on the pier where Chuck said they would be, and Teyla thought she might have missed them. She touched her earpiece, ready to call Chuck again, when she heard a shout and the sounds of splashing from the edge of the pier. She walked to where the pier sloped into a low deck area (Radek theorized it had been used by aquatic ‘jumpers once upon a time) and spotted two bundles of clothes.
“John?” she called. “Ronon?”
Neither responded for a moment and then John’s voice said, “Over here, Captain!”
She followed his voice toward one of the stepladders leading down to the water. She peered over the edge and shrieked a second later when Ronon popped out of the water in front of her. He growled playfully, shaking the water out of dreadlocks like a dog.
“Don’t do that!” she exclaimed, her heart pounding against her chest. She reached up and wiped a few droplets off her face.
John’s laugh drew her attention away from Ronon for the moment. The Athosian was leaning up against the pier, his bare arms glistening in the fading sunlight. His usually untamable mass of hair was nearly flat against his head, making him look younger than usual.
Teyla sighed miserably. The last thing she needed at the moment was another blow to the ego. She was the youngest on the team, but her age showed the worst. Meredith once told her she was twenty-eight going on forty-five - Teyla had almost left her in a mud hole on MLG-1562 for that one - and she was constantly being mistaken for Ronon or John’s old, unmarried sister off-world.
She blamed the stress of the last year or so for her lackluster appearance. She didn’t have time to worry about wrinkles and carefully applied make-up with the Wraith roaming around the galaxy.
Besides, she wasn’t in the Pegasus Galaxy to impress men and find a husband. She was here to do a job...
…with incredibly good looking, self esteem deflating male aliens as sidekicks.
God, Sumner had picked her for this task on purpose. He was such a bastard.
“What can we help you with, Captain?” John asked, always the polite one out of the two. 
“We need to have a little team chat.”
Ronon frowned at her. “Without McKay?”
“This just between you two and me.”
“Have we done something wrong?” John said, swimming closer to her. How was it even possible for him to be even more graceful than he was on land?
“Not…exactly,” she said. “How about you get out of the water and we’ll talk about it up here?”
John and Ronon looked at each other, communicating silently. They could read each other like a book, which drove Teyla, Meredith and everyone else in the city completely insane.
“All right,” John said at last. “Would you mind getting our towels for us? I am afraid we left them farther down on the dock.”
Teyla nodded, glad to have a few more moments to get her thoughts in order. She had no idea how she was going to broach this subject with them; she had gone over several scenarios in her head and they seemed to have flown out of her head in the past few minutes.
Of course, she mused, bending down to pick up the towels, none of the scenarios had involved John and Ronon wet and half-naked…
“Focus, Emmagan,” she muttered under her breath, standing. “They’re your teammates, you need to focus.”
Teyla turned and the sight behind her had her sucking in her breath in shock. John was out of the ocean, dripping water onto the pier, and he wasn’t half-naked.
He was completely and utterly naked.
Teyla couldn’t tear her bulging eyes away from him. John was made entirely of sleek muscle and strong, sharp angles. The sunlight was hitting him in all the right places, highlighting every crevasse and furrow to perfection. He ran a hand through his hair, shaking more water loose, and she watched, fascinated, as a droplet dribbled down the chord of his throat, through the smattering of hair on his chest, to the firm planes of his stomach down to the V of hips and - oh sweet Jesus -
“You okay, Emmagan?” Ronon asked, stepping in front of her and blocking her view of John.
Not like that was a serious loss because Ronon was just as naked as John and was even more ripped than he was. Her stomach rolled in pleasure, and she couldn’t stop herself from looking, trailing her wide eyes up and down Ronon’s figure.
“Captain?” John prompted, walking up beside Ronon. Teyla felt her knees go weak. 
“Oh. My, God.” She said at last, her tone more hysterical with every word. “You’re naked!”
Ronon snorted and rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, how else do you except us to go swimming?”
Teyla opened and closed her mouth several times, trying to come up with a coherent reply. It was hard - oh, bad word choice, bad word choice! - because her brain was still a pile of mush.
“Not naked!” she replied, her cheeks burning. “And you could have - holy shit, why didn’t you warn me? Did you think I wanted to see - to see - ” She gestured in the general region of their man parts. “ - that?”
“And you didn’t?” Ronon said, arching an eyebrow and widening his stance suggestively. The Marines weren’t even this bold with her and some, if not all, were batshit crazy.
“Ronon,” John chided, eyes narrowing.
“No! God,” she said, embarrassment giving way to anger. She forced herself to keep eye contact with him and give her best command voice. “You two can’t walk around the city like this! And especially in front of members of the opposite sex! We’re sensitive to this kind of thing!”
“The human body?” John asked, confused. He and Ronon shared an expression Meredith had labeled as ‘These Earth People Are Crazy Fuckers, Aren’t They?’
“Yes, the naked human body,” Teyla clarified as calmly as she could. “You need to keep your clothes on when you’re in the city from now on. That means no more going around without a shirt for four days straight, no more walking back to your rooms from the showers in just a towel, no more wrestling each other in loin cloths or whatever you were doing that made poor Miko stutter for a week, and definitely no more skinny dipping!”
She huffed, bangs fluttering.
“You got all that?”
Both looked taken aback by her outburst, but John nodded slowly in understanding.
“Good. If you have any more questions or clarifications, you can talk to Colonel Sumner or Dr. Weir. I’m going to…” she gulped, realizing, as her anger faded away and embarrassment returned, that her teammates were still wet and naked. “I’m gonna go now. Here are your towels!”
She shoved the towels into Ronon’s well-sculpted chest and turned on her heel. She didn’t run until she was well out of their eyesight, but she could hear Ronon’s loud guffaws even at that distance.
*
The table vibrated as someone plopped a tray down on the surface and Teyla glanced up to see who had dared to invade her space. Meredith McKay’s bright blue eyes stared back at her.
“It looks like you need this more than I do. Even if I did earn this by successfully rerouting the power couplets in the underwater ‘jumper bay,” Meredith said, sliding her piece of chocolate fudge cake and a fork across the table. “Your talk went well, did it?”
“I am never going to be able to look at those two the same way again,” Teyla replied miserably. “We’re going to have to split the team up. I won’t be able to work with them without remembering this day and that conversation, and I’ll flashback to it at the most inopportune moment and get us all killed.”
“Stop exaggerating. All you had to do was tell them that they have to put shirts on because they’re driving all the women and gay men on base insane, and the airmen don’t like cleaning up the piles of drool that are left in their wake.” Meredith took a bite of her apple. “How difficult could that be?”
“They were skinny dipping out on the north pier. I saw them naked.”
Meredith choked.
“You…what?” she coughed, her eyes wide. “Oh my God, seriously? You saw everything?”
She nodded gravely and Meredith sat back, momentarily stunned.
“Wow,” she said. “Just…wow.”
Teyla reached for the chocolate cake and stabbed it viciously with her fork.
“Ronon was particularly eager to show his off.”
The other woman recovered, rolling her eyes.
“Oh, I bet he was,” she said, reaching for her water bottle. She paused, a sudden gleam in her eyes. “Captain, can you now confirm certain locker room rumors about - ?”
“Meredith!” Teyla exclaimed, dropping her fork. “I cannot believe you’re asking me about that!”
“It’s in my nature as a scientist,” Meredith replied blithely. “I just want to know if he and Sheppard live up to their reputations.”
“No,” Teyla said shortly. “Absolutely not.”
“You don’t have say it out loud! Just gesture or something.”
“It was cold and they were wet. Things are not going to be in proportion.”
“Do you think I care?”
She arched an eyebrow at her. “You have a bet riding on this, don’t you?”
Meredith nodded eagerly. “I’ll give you half my cut if I win.”
Teyla sighed. Meredith would persist until she got her answer and would probably end up asking in front of John and Ronon if she didn’t. Reluctantly, she held up her hands a reasonable distance apart.
“John,” she said and then moved her hands apart an inch or so. Her face was burning. “Ronon.”
“See, was that so hard?” 
"Stop that!" Teyla hissed.
“I knew it. Cadman is going to owe me big time. She better not stiff me - "
Teyla groaned and buried her face in her hands.

"I hate my team," she muttered.

character: john sheppard, character: team, character: teyla emmagen, genre: alternate universe, character: ronon dex, - fic

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