fic: The Three Lives of Luke Castellan [PJO, pg-13, 3/5]
Title: The Three Lives of Luke Castellan
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairing: Thalia/Luke
Spoilers: All books, including The Last Olympian
Summary: Thalia Grace encounters Luke Castellan's soul trice over five hundred years. She thinks it's a conspiracy, but, as they say, death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it a little while. Futurefic.
The Three Lives of Luke Castellan
Two - Jake
The first of Thalia’s memories begin to fade during the twenty-third century. She’s forgotten a few things over the years and some details manage to blur together in the mesh of her consciousness - but hey, that’s to be expected of an immortal, right? She can’t remember every single thing that happens to her and at least she remembers the important things.
Well, she thinks so anyway, but life likes to prove her wrong whenever possible.
She and the Hunters are perusing an antique bookshop in Seattle one rainy day at the beginning of the new century - immortals spend a lot of time in the antique shops, looking at things that remind them of the past or could at least spark memories of them. On that particular visit, Thalia comes across a pile of celebrity magazines from the early 1990s. She pages through one, snickering silently to herself at some of the hairstyles and reminding herself who some of these people were, and then pauses as she comes across a photo of an aged, but still pretty blonde woman.
The woman looks familiar, but Thalia can’t place her face until she glances at the faded caption under the photo. When she reads the name listed, she drops the magazine out of shock.
That woman was her mother.
How could she have forgotten what her own mother looked like? Yeah, they hadn’t been very close and somehow the paparazzi had gotten a shot of her when she wasn’t a boozy wreck, but still. What kind of person forgets what their mother looked like?
Thalia begins frantically searching her memories, recalling every important name and face from all her years alive. She’s startled to discover she has to search through her small collection of photographs before she recalls what Annabeth’s hair color was and she had long forgotten what she or Percy sounded like. She has to find a demigod history book to bring back some of the memories of the Battle of New York, and she ends up asking one of the older girls who she succeeded as Artemis’s lieutenant because she doesn’t know anymore.
Memory is a frustrating thing, to say the least. How is it that she can remember the insipid lyrics to a Britney Spears song that hasn’t played on the radio in years on demand but it takes a good hour before she remembers which Jackson-Chase brat she was named godmother to?
Some Hunters don’t mind when their memories go missing, and others actively look for ways to get rid of them. But Thalia always been different from the rest of the herd, and she obsesses over her memories. She doesn’t want to be the one to forget a face, a date, or a promise; she wants to hold onto everything that makes her her.
She just never expects to be the only one who remembers who she is, and that shocks her.
*
By the year 2275, Olympus has moved from New York City to Beijing to Tokyo, and is looking to make a return to the United States in the next few decades. A few more mortal wars have broken out, some fueled by the gods and demigods running around in the background, a couple of terrible prophecies have been made, and technology continues to advance at an astounding pace. For instance, mortal man has colonized the moon, which has Selene none too pleased, and are now on their way to Mars. Global warming’s been solved and Earth’s a much more environmentally friendly place than it was in Thalia’s first lifetime.
The hovercraft still hasn’t been invented, but electric and solar cars have been made much faster, which annoys Thalia to no end, because she’s sure if it had been, she wouldn’t have had to risk her life daily to save some poor person from getting run over by an irresponsible driver with a lead foot.
Today’s accident happens as Thalia and a few other Hunters leave a coffee shop. It hadn’t been a very good day so far (Thalia had the burns from split coffee to prove it), and it gets worse once Coraline, a daughter of Hades, sucks in a breath and says, “Someone’s going to die.”
Coraline really needs to stop saying those sorts of things out loud, if the glares the other girls shoot her are any indication, because it ignites Thalia’s noble streak like nothing else can and usually ends up getting the rest of them in some sort of trouble. Today is no exception.
Thalia whirls around, trying to spot the accident before it can happen. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees a little red haired girl being pulled into the street by a gold colored dog two times her size. A green car hits the curb at the edge of the block and speeds toward the two, the driver clearly not paying attention. Thalia bursts into action, sprinting across the street and tackling the girl to the pavement just in the nick of time. She scratches her knees on the pavement, but the girl remains safe and cradled in her arms. She doesn’t hear anything collide with the car, so the dog must’ve gotten away too.
Without even slowing down, the car honks in annoyance and skids away down the street.
Thalia curses mortals under her breath. It’s been over three hundred years since the invention of the automobile; how do any of them not know the dangers by now?
“ELIZABETH!” someone shouts nearby, and Thalia figures the inattentive parent must’ve finally noticed their daughter’s life was in danger.
The little girl sits up and stares at Thalia with wide eyes.
“You saved me!” she says in an excited a squeak of a voice.
“Of course,” Thalia says gruffly, getting to her feet. She notices her hands are bleeding from the scrapes and wipes them on her jeans. “That’s my job.”
The little girl opens her mouth to say something else, perhaps ask her how Thalia got a job saving people, but then a man with dark hair bursts onto the scene and bends down beside her.
“Bethy!” he exclaims, his voice tight and breathless with worry. He cups his daughter’s face in his hands, examining it for any minute scratch, any possible hint of injury. “Are you all right? Where does it hurt?”
“I’m fine, Dad,” she replies with the tiniest hint of exasperation and embarrassment in her voice. She’s just on the cusp of being too old to be coddled and young enough to enjoy it still. Thalia’s memories of those days have long since faded, but she knows her mother never gave her any attention like that. The girl points to her. “She saved me.”
Bethy’s father notices Thalia for the first time. His dark brown hair is covered by a tattered New York Mets cap, and he has pale skin with a smattering of freckles over his cheeks and nose. Square plastic eyeglasses frame his blue eyes -
Thalia stumbles backward, recognizing those eyes in a moment. She deals with the shock a little bit better this time, but she supposes nothing can prepare her to deal with the reincarnated Luke Castellan as a concerned parent.
She’s been looking for him on and off again over the last few years, and always imagining scenarios when they meet again. She’s followed blond boys around discreetly, peered at the eyes of men she passed by in the streets, and there’s never been any sign of him. She could have never dreamed she’d meet him like this, and she certainly hadn’t expected him to come back so soon!
Oh Zeus, after all these years he’s here right now and he’s staring at her like he knows who she is, and she just saved his daughter from becoming a splatter on the pavement. Oh god. Just breathe, breathe, breathe -
“Um,” Thalia says, and turns to run away.
“Wait a minute,” the man (Luke) says, stepping in front of her to block her path. Thalia’s nose comes to the middle of his chest and she has to crane her neck to look up at him. “I know you, don’t I?”
“No,” Thalia lies, voice steady but her mouth is as dry as the desert. “I’ve never met you before.”
Well, the second part is true anyway; she hasn’t meant this version of him before.
A familiar ache opens in her chest at that thought. Wasn’t he was supposed to have found her? He promised he would find her and she had waited for him…
He forgot her. How could he?
“Liar,” he chides with ease and Luke’s smile ghosts across his lips. This incarnation seems to have less in common with Luke personality-wise, but more of his old expressions. Thalia has to bite her lip to keep herself from doing something stupid, like crying. “I’ve seen you somewhere, I’m sure of it. Are you a classmate of Anna’s?”
Thalia freezes at the familiar name. She’s run into a couple of other reincarnates since her encounter with Adam, and sometimes it’s frightening how much they recall about their old lives without actually remembering anything significant.
The ache in her chest gets worse. He remembered Annabeth’s name over his promise to her. That had to mean something.
“Who?”
“My eldest daughter. She looks like she’d be about your age,” the man explains, wrapping an arm around the younger girl’s shoulder. “This is my youngest, Bethy.”
“Daaaad,” Bethy whines, a blush spreading across her cheeks. “I told you, it’s Liz now. Bethy’s a baby name.”
“Oh, really?” he replies, forgetting about Thalia and turning his full attention to his daughter. “Since when did seven become old enough to change your name?”
The scene before her brings hot tears to Thalia’s eyes for a number of reasons. It took two hundred and sixty five years after his first death, but Luke finally has the family he’s always wanted. She knows they’ll love and care for him in the ways all his previous families, even she and Annabeth, had failed. He’ll protect them in all the ways he couldn’t or wasn’t strong enough to do before. He has no destiny looming over him, no threat to his existence…
He has everything he’s ever wanted, even a dog, and he doesn’t even know it.
Luke’s achieved perfect happiness, and knowing that makes Thalia’s heart hurt from a combination of pure joy and aching sadness. He deserves it, he really does.
But he hadn’t found it with her; he hadn’t even come looking for her. She didn’t matter to him, she never mattered…
And really, what had she thought would happen if he had found her again? They’d pick up wherever they’d left off from the time she had gotten turned into a tree? That she’d leave the hunters, they’d get married, and it would be her daughter named Annabeth he’d have his arms around right now?
What a fucking miserable joke. Why did she keep torturing herself, year after year? Luke was never hers and he was never going to be hers.
“Sorry, sir - ”
“Jake,” he replies, looking at her again. “Jake Macguire.”
“Sorry for the confusion, Mr. Macguire. You must’ve mistake me for someone else,” she continues, fixing him with her best smile. He must notice the tears in her eyes because his nose wrinkles like it used to when he was concerned about her. “I should be going.”
She brushes past him, but he touches her shoulder as she passes.
“Thank you for looking after my daughter,” he says.
“It was nothing. I’m always watching out.”
For you, she thinks miserably as she crosses the street and returns to her Hunters.
They congratulate her with pats on the back for a job well done and Thalia acknowledges them with a stiff nod. If they notice something is wrong with her, they're kind enough not to say anything. As they continue down the street, Thalia can’t help herself and turns to take another look at him.
He and his daughter are walking in the opposite direction. He has his arm around her shoulders again, and their dog is back on the leash, trotting in front of them. If he senses her eyes on him, he doesn't turn to acknowledge her; he's probably already forgotten about the girl with dark hair who's forever a day away from sixteen.
Suddenly, she knows he’s not going to come back a third time, not when he’s already achieved the perfect life, and even if does, he isn’t coming back for her. He’s already proved that twice. This is the last time she’ll see Luke Castellan’s soul, she’s sure of it.
And, she swiftly resolves, this will be the last time she ever thinks of that boy again. She doesn’t need to spend all of eternity wishing for what could have been. Their history is in the forgotten past and she’ll make sure of it stays that way.
*
“I need your help,” Thalia says to Coraline that night in their tent.
Mara looks up from the e-book she’s reading, shooting a smirk at Thalia.
“What’s this? Our great and powerful leader admitting she needs help? Surely the end is nigh!”
Mara’s smirk falters when Thalia doesn’t snap back and when she notices the dark, resolved expression on other girl’s face.
“Thalia…?”
The daughter of Zeus ignores her and looks at Coraline, who looks nervous being caught between the two of them.
“What can I do, Thalia?”
Thalia swallows the lump in her throat and ignores the voice in the back of her mind that’s saying this is a bad idea.
“I need you to take me to Mnemosyne’s pool.”
*
Mara complains the entire trip through the Underworld.
Thalia hadn’t wanted her to come, but that stupid, stubborn sea cow wouldn’t take no for an answer. She claimed she was coming along in case Thalia did something completely irrational and stupid, and to keep her from bullying Coraline the entire way. Thalia really thinks it’s because Mara needs a few more hours to talk her out of paying a visit to the pool.
All the Hunters know of the mystical pool where the goddess of memory resides and know what goes on there. They talk about it in covert whispers around the camp fire and during the darkest of nights when only the terrors of the past can hurt them. It’s no secret that when a Hunter goes on leave for a few days, usually a couple of decades into her service, that she’s making the passage to Mnemosyne’s pool to have her painful memories erased.
Thalia has approved several of these trips herself and although they never say what they’re up to or where they’re going, everyone always knows. There’s a certain sense of shame attached to a visit to Mnemosyne, as if the other girls will look down upon another if they find she can’t handle living with some painful memories, that they’ll think she’s weak.
Personally, Thalia had never found a need to visit Mnemosyne before now. Yeah, she has some real shitty memories and every now and then she has nightmares, but she’s a master at repression. She has to be, otherwise watching everything she knows change or die off while she remains a day from sixteen for all eternity would drive her insane.
Thalia has matured greatly in the two hundred and sixty three years she’s been alive, but she will always be a teenager. Though she’s tamed them, she’s never lost her impulsiveness, pigheadedness, or temper, and sometimes they like to return with a swift vengeance - especially when she’s hurting. It’s not torturous memories that drive her to Mnemosyne’s pool today; its rash vindictiveness.
Mnemosyne’s pool is located about a mile away from the River Lethe in the Underworld. Thankfully they don’t have to cross the river to get to it, although Mara looks like she wants to pull a Percy and try to move the water anyway. Thalia knows a diversionary tactic when she sees one, so she ignores the daughter of Poseidon and keeps following Coraline. Mara trails reluctantly after them, getting quieter as they get closer to the pool.
Thalia’s breath feels heavy and cold as it moves in and out of her chest, and she can hear whispers just on the edge of her consciousness as they approach the pool. Mara and Coraline look just as uncomfortable as she feels, and for a moment, she’s glad the both of them are with her.
Thick, grey trees and dying gardens surround the small pool, which is unremarkable except for the stillness of the water. The woman in the faded black dress lying on the shore beside the small pool is equally unremarkable with mousy brown hair, flat black eyes, and the type of face Thalia’s seen a thousand times before but would never be able to pick out of a crowd, even if she was standing right in front of her.
“Lady Mnemosyne?” Thalia asks, trying to hide the nervousness in her voice.
The woman blinks and looks up at the three of them. Then she does something rather unexpected - she rolls her eyes.
“Great, more of you Hunters? I ought to start charging for my services with the way you lot keep coming around,” the goddess says, pushing herself into a sitting position. Even though her voice is flat and boring, Thalia can still detect traces of annoyance. “Step right up and get your memories of your abusive parents or stupid first boyfriend erased for a golden drachma a minute!”
“There’s no need to be rude,” Coraline says, wordlessly coming to Thalia’s defense. “I know we’re the only visitors allowed in your domain, and you’d never keep up with your Olympian gossip without us.”
Mnemosyne glares at Coraline, assessing her, and then turns her eyes to Mara and Thalia in succession.
“Well, well, well, daughters of the Big Three,” Mnemosyne says, drawing herself to her feet and walking toward them. “This is the first time I’ve had the pleasure of meeting any of your kind. Usually it’s the weaklings who come crawling to me - ”
“None of our sisters are weak,” Mara says with a snarl, fingering the knife at her belt. “You’d know that with the memories you’ve taken from them.”
Mnemosyne’s eyes flash.
“I do not take, daughter of Poseidon. All memories are freely given to me and their owners understand what they are giving up. If you want of such a gift in the future, I would suggest you keep your insults to yourself,” She turns to Thalia, scrutinizing her with her black eyes. “And you do understand what you are giving up, daughter of Zeus?”
Thalia’s palms are sweating and her limbs are trembling, but she tries not to think of anything as she steps forward and nods.
“I would like to relieve myself of the memories which hold me back from living up to my full potential as Lady Artemis’s lieutenant,” Thalia says slowly, her tongue thick in her mouth. “Please erase my memories of Luke Castellan.”
Mara sucks in a breath behind her and reaches out to touch Thalia on the arm. Mara’s the only one who knows her history with Luke and that’s why she didn’t want the other girl to come. She didn’t want someone to act as his advocate.
“Thalia, are you sure?”
Is she sure? Not completely, but she’s sick of waking up every morning with the hope of seeing him again and having it crushed each day that goes by without him. She doesn’t want her chest to ache at the thought of Luke having children and the perfect life while she’s stuck in a rut for the rest of her immortal life. She doesn’t want to walk around every day knowing that he’s left her behind yet again and soon, he’ll be gone altogether.
And she’ll be alone for good.
“Yes,” Thalia says to both women, shaking off Mara’s hand. “I want him gone.”
Mnemosyne stares at her for a full minute and Thalia’s eyes water with the urge to blink. Finally, the goddess nods and holds out her hands. Thalia flinches as her cold, clammy fingertips touch her temples.
“Relax, Thalia, daughter of Zeus, and think of the one you call Luke Castellan,” Mnemosyne says, her voice becoming soft and melodic. “When you feel as though he is properly purged from your mind, tell me and I will stop.”
Mara makes a noise of protest from behind, but Thalia steels herself and closes her eyes, calling forward any and all memories she might have of the blond haired boy from her past.
Mnemosyne takes it from there.
Like a computer programmer, she delves into Thalia’s mind and starts pulling out and opening up memories until they’re all crammed so tight inside, Thalia’s skull feels like it’s going to burst. Mnemosyne calls up the most recent memory - the one of a father, daughter and dog walking down the street - and lets it play for a moment. Then it’s gone, and the pressure in Thalia’s head decreases infinitesimally.
She feels a faint sense of satisfaction as all her memories of Jake Macguire and his daughter are erased from her mind, like he never even existed. Soon, as far as she knows, he doesn’t and Mnemosyne moves on to the next memories.
They’re not actually memories, per se, but the fantasies and dreams she’s had of Luke that have kept her company throughout the last century. All the instances she thought she found him again, any blond, blue eyed boy she thought could possibly be him are gone in an instant and suddenly, Adam’s dying face is swimming in her mind’s eye.
Thalia gasps in surprise and pain. She hasn’t thought of him in ages because it was just too distressing for her. She distantly hears his plea for her not to be bitter…and then that memory is gone, replaced by an earlier one of Adam, when he was still healthy and smiling, and they were happy - but no, that’s not right because now she’s stumbling into his room and yelling at him -
She doesn’t want this. She wanted Luke gone, not Adam. They weren’t the same person!
“N - no,” Thalia chokes out, tears slipping from her eyes as Adam disappears from her mind completely. Her head is beginning to feel empty and cold, and she doesn’t like it at all. “I - I - ”
Mnemosyne speeds up the process, cutting out any brief thought or mention of Luke in her consciousness as she goes.
She whips past a memory of burning pyre and then onto her memories of Kronos in Luke’s body. Thalia has to relive terrible moments at the Battle of New York until they’re blissfully wiped away or Kronos is simply edited out of them. It continues through her first year as Hunter and the miscellaneous thoughts she had of him, thoughts she had long forgotten, and then Mnemosyne is on to her memories as a mortal which are blessedly brief.
“Interesting,” Mnemoysne mumbles quietly as they pass into a strange set of impressions and feelings Thalia never knew she had hidden inside her.
When she feels the phantom pain of someone stabbing her and poison spreading through her veins, she realizes these are her memories as a tree.
Thalia doesn’t remember any of these images or sensations, and she’s filled with wonder and shock as they flitter by. She barely has seconds to glimpse them and then they’re torn away from her, thrown into the void with the rest of them. Thalia feels an agonizing sense of loss that none of the other memories provide because she never knew this side of herself.
She hears Luke telling her about his plans to destroy Olympus, sees him return to her tree after his quest with a bandage over his eye and an unreadable expression on his face, feels him as he touches the trunk of her tree every day for seven years as he copes with his grief and guilt, and see him grow younger and younger, and - and -
Then the memories are back in rich Technicolor as Thalia gets her last look of Luke and Annabeth before she’s turned into a tree, and Luke’s kissing her right before she runs off to sacrifice herself, and there are so many monsters, far too many for three kids and a satyr to handle.
But then the memories switch to pleasant ones, before everything went to hell, and Thalia remembers exactly what made her love Luke Castellan. His goofy smile, his quick wit and sarcasm, his loyalty to her and Annabeth...
She wants this to stop. No matter how miserable he’s made her and no matter how many promises he breaks, he’s still her Luke, still her other half. He’s made her who she is today and she can’t lose what defines her. What would happen to her without him?
The current of her emotions is too strong, though, and she can’t get her muscles to work properly. More memories flash by - finding Annabeth hiding in a garbage pile, their first kiss in the rain after Luke had successfully stolen a wallet packed with $100 bills, playful arguments and painful attempts at flirting - and with a stroke of horror, Thalia realizes Mnemosyne is reaching the end of the thread of her memories.
“N - no,” Thalia says in a pained gasp as the process begins to slow. “S - stop.”
Abruptly, the goddess stops at Thalia’s last and very first memory of Luke: a boy with blond hair with blue eyes staring at her from across the street.
“P - put them back,” Thalia sobs, her shoulders shaking. She doesn’t have control of herself; there are too many emotions, some long forgotten, have been arisen by her memories and her body doesn’t know how to express them all. “Please, put them b - back.”
“I told you there was no returning from this point, Thalia Grace,” Mnemosyne says softly, her voice full of regret. “What I have done to your mind cannot be undone, but no power of mine can erase the truth in your heart. Someday, perhaps, your memories will return, but it will not be this day.”
Mnemosyne presses her fingers hard into Thalia’s temples and she knows nothing more.
*
Mara actually screams when Thalia’s body drops lifelessly to the ground in front of Mnemosyne. The goddess had only had her hands on Thalia for a few moments - how much irreversible brain damage had she done in such a short time?
“Thalia!” Coraline cries and rushes over to her. “What did you do?”
Mnemosyne ignores the younger girl and turns her coal black eyes to Mara.
“Your lieutenant will remember nothing of this encounter or the boy named Luke Castellan,” she says, her voice as listless and grey as the surrounding environment. “She will be emotional for a few days, but she should return to her old self soon enough. I am sure you Hunters have more than enough experience dealing with my distraught patients.”
The goddess smirks and Mara’s eyes burn with hatred. She wishes she wasn’t so far away from the pool’s edge, otherwise she’d make this evil witch pay for being so flippant.
“Will she ever get her memories back?” Mara asks in a tight voice.
Mnemosyne shrugs carelessly.
“It is highly unlikely. But who knows with you demigods? You’re always so full of wonderful surprises.”
*
When Thalia opens her eyes the next morning, something feels off.
She can’t quite put her finger on it, but she feels…different. Incomplete.
Alone.
She doesn’t understand why.
*
Across the country, a father of three stares at his ceiling as he fights to fall asleep, wondering why seeing that teenage girl with blue eyes and black hair walk away from him could make everything in his life feel absolutely worthless.
Part Three
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairing: Thalia/Luke
Spoilers: All books, including The Last Olympian
Summary: Thalia Grace encounters Luke Castellan's soul trice over five hundred years. She thinks it's a conspiracy, but, as they say, death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it a little while. Futurefic.
The Three Lives of Luke Castellan
Two - Jake
The first of Thalia’s memories begin to fade during the twenty-third century. She’s forgotten a few things over the years and some details manage to blur together in the mesh of her consciousness - but hey, that’s to be expected of an immortal, right? She can’t remember every single thing that happens to her and at least she remembers the important things.
Well, she thinks so anyway, but life likes to prove her wrong whenever possible.
She and the Hunters are perusing an antique bookshop in Seattle one rainy day at the beginning of the new century - immortals spend a lot of time in the antique shops, looking at things that remind them of the past or could at least spark memories of them. On that particular visit, Thalia comes across a pile of celebrity magazines from the early 1990s. She pages through one, snickering silently to herself at some of the hairstyles and reminding herself who some of these people were, and then pauses as she comes across a photo of an aged, but still pretty blonde woman.
The woman looks familiar, but Thalia can’t place her face until she glances at the faded caption under the photo. When she reads the name listed, she drops the magazine out of shock.
That woman was her mother.
How could she have forgotten what her own mother looked like? Yeah, they hadn’t been very close and somehow the paparazzi had gotten a shot of her when she wasn’t a boozy wreck, but still. What kind of person forgets what their mother looked like?
Thalia begins frantically searching her memories, recalling every important name and face from all her years alive. She’s startled to discover she has to search through her small collection of photographs before she recalls what Annabeth’s hair color was and she had long forgotten what she or Percy sounded like. She has to find a demigod history book to bring back some of the memories of the Battle of New York, and she ends up asking one of the older girls who she succeeded as Artemis’s lieutenant because she doesn’t know anymore.
Memory is a frustrating thing, to say the least. How is it that she can remember the insipid lyrics to a Britney Spears song that hasn’t played on the radio in years on demand but it takes a good hour before she remembers which Jackson-Chase brat she was named godmother to?
Some Hunters don’t mind when their memories go missing, and others actively look for ways to get rid of them. But Thalia always been different from the rest of the herd, and she obsesses over her memories. She doesn’t want to be the one to forget a face, a date, or a promise; she wants to hold onto everything that makes her her.
She just never expects to be the only one who remembers who she is, and that shocks her.
*
By the year 2275, Olympus has moved from New York City to Beijing to Tokyo, and is looking to make a return to the United States in the next few decades. A few more mortal wars have broken out, some fueled by the gods and demigods running around in the background, a couple of terrible prophecies have been made, and technology continues to advance at an astounding pace. For instance, mortal man has colonized the moon, which has Selene none too pleased, and are now on their way to Mars. Global warming’s been solved and Earth’s a much more environmentally friendly place than it was in Thalia’s first lifetime.
The hovercraft still hasn’t been invented, but electric and solar cars have been made much faster, which annoys Thalia to no end, because she’s sure if it had been, she wouldn’t have had to risk her life daily to save some poor person from getting run over by an irresponsible driver with a lead foot.
Today’s accident happens as Thalia and a few other Hunters leave a coffee shop. It hadn’t been a very good day so far (Thalia had the burns from split coffee to prove it), and it gets worse once Coraline, a daughter of Hades, sucks in a breath and says, “Someone’s going to die.”
Coraline really needs to stop saying those sorts of things out loud, if the glares the other girls shoot her are any indication, because it ignites Thalia’s noble streak like nothing else can and usually ends up getting the rest of them in some sort of trouble. Today is no exception.
Thalia whirls around, trying to spot the accident before it can happen. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees a little red haired girl being pulled into the street by a gold colored dog two times her size. A green car hits the curb at the edge of the block and speeds toward the two, the driver clearly not paying attention. Thalia bursts into action, sprinting across the street and tackling the girl to the pavement just in the nick of time. She scratches her knees on the pavement, but the girl remains safe and cradled in her arms. She doesn’t hear anything collide with the car, so the dog must’ve gotten away too.
Without even slowing down, the car honks in annoyance and skids away down the street.
Thalia curses mortals under her breath. It’s been over three hundred years since the invention of the automobile; how do any of them not know the dangers by now?
“ELIZABETH!” someone shouts nearby, and Thalia figures the inattentive parent must’ve finally noticed their daughter’s life was in danger.
The little girl sits up and stares at Thalia with wide eyes.
“You saved me!” she says in an excited a squeak of a voice.
“Of course,” Thalia says gruffly, getting to her feet. She notices her hands are bleeding from the scrapes and wipes them on her jeans. “That’s my job.”
The little girl opens her mouth to say something else, perhaps ask her how Thalia got a job saving people, but then a man with dark hair bursts onto the scene and bends down beside her.
“Bethy!” he exclaims, his voice tight and breathless with worry. He cups his daughter’s face in his hands, examining it for any minute scratch, any possible hint of injury. “Are you all right? Where does it hurt?”
“I’m fine, Dad,” she replies with the tiniest hint of exasperation and embarrassment in her voice. She’s just on the cusp of being too old to be coddled and young enough to enjoy it still. Thalia’s memories of those days have long since faded, but she knows her mother never gave her any attention like that. The girl points to her. “She saved me.”
Bethy’s father notices Thalia for the first time. His dark brown hair is covered by a tattered New York Mets cap, and he has pale skin with a smattering of freckles over his cheeks and nose. Square plastic eyeglasses frame his blue eyes -
Thalia stumbles backward, recognizing those eyes in a moment. She deals with the shock a little bit better this time, but she supposes nothing can prepare her to deal with the reincarnated Luke Castellan as a concerned parent.
She’s been looking for him on and off again over the last few years, and always imagining scenarios when they meet again. She’s followed blond boys around discreetly, peered at the eyes of men she passed by in the streets, and there’s never been any sign of him. She could have never dreamed she’d meet him like this, and she certainly hadn’t expected him to come back so soon!
Oh Zeus, after all these years he’s here right now and he’s staring at her like he knows who she is, and she just saved his daughter from becoming a splatter on the pavement. Oh god. Just breathe, breathe, breathe -
“Um,” Thalia says, and turns to run away.
“Wait a minute,” the man (Luke) says, stepping in front of her to block her path. Thalia’s nose comes to the middle of his chest and she has to crane her neck to look up at him. “I know you, don’t I?”
“No,” Thalia lies, voice steady but her mouth is as dry as the desert. “I’ve never met you before.”
Well, the second part is true anyway; she hasn’t meant this version of him before.
A familiar ache opens in her chest at that thought. Wasn’t he was supposed to have found her? He promised he would find her and she had waited for him…
He forgot her. How could he?
“Liar,” he chides with ease and Luke’s smile ghosts across his lips. This incarnation seems to have less in common with Luke personality-wise, but more of his old expressions. Thalia has to bite her lip to keep herself from doing something stupid, like crying. “I’ve seen you somewhere, I’m sure of it. Are you a classmate of Anna’s?”
Thalia freezes at the familiar name. She’s run into a couple of other reincarnates since her encounter with Adam, and sometimes it’s frightening how much they recall about their old lives without actually remembering anything significant.
The ache in her chest gets worse. He remembered Annabeth’s name over his promise to her. That had to mean something.
“Who?”
“My eldest daughter. She looks like she’d be about your age,” the man explains, wrapping an arm around the younger girl’s shoulder. “This is my youngest, Bethy.”
“Daaaad,” Bethy whines, a blush spreading across her cheeks. “I told you, it’s Liz now. Bethy’s a baby name.”
“Oh, really?” he replies, forgetting about Thalia and turning his full attention to his daughter. “Since when did seven become old enough to change your name?”
The scene before her brings hot tears to Thalia’s eyes for a number of reasons. It took two hundred and sixty five years after his first death, but Luke finally has the family he’s always wanted. She knows they’ll love and care for him in the ways all his previous families, even she and Annabeth, had failed. He’ll protect them in all the ways he couldn’t or wasn’t strong enough to do before. He has no destiny looming over him, no threat to his existence…
He has everything he’s ever wanted, even a dog, and he doesn’t even know it.
Luke’s achieved perfect happiness, and knowing that makes Thalia’s heart hurt from a combination of pure joy and aching sadness. He deserves it, he really does.
But he hadn’t found it with her; he hadn’t even come looking for her. She didn’t matter to him, she never mattered…
And really, what had she thought would happen if he had found her again? They’d pick up wherever they’d left off from the time she had gotten turned into a tree? That she’d leave the hunters, they’d get married, and it would be her daughter named Annabeth he’d have his arms around right now?
What a fucking miserable joke. Why did she keep torturing herself, year after year? Luke was never hers and he was never going to be hers.
“Sorry, sir - ”
“Jake,” he replies, looking at her again. “Jake Macguire.”
“Sorry for the confusion, Mr. Macguire. You must’ve mistake me for someone else,” she continues, fixing him with her best smile. He must notice the tears in her eyes because his nose wrinkles like it used to when he was concerned about her. “I should be going.”
She brushes past him, but he touches her shoulder as she passes.
“Thank you for looking after my daughter,” he says.
“It was nothing. I’m always watching out.”
For you, she thinks miserably as she crosses the street and returns to her Hunters.
They congratulate her with pats on the back for a job well done and Thalia acknowledges them with a stiff nod. If they notice something is wrong with her, they're kind enough not to say anything. As they continue down the street, Thalia can’t help herself and turns to take another look at him.
He and his daughter are walking in the opposite direction. He has his arm around her shoulders again, and their dog is back on the leash, trotting in front of them. If he senses her eyes on him, he doesn't turn to acknowledge her; he's probably already forgotten about the girl with dark hair who's forever a day away from sixteen.
Suddenly, she knows he’s not going to come back a third time, not when he’s already achieved the perfect life, and even if does, he isn’t coming back for her. He’s already proved that twice. This is the last time she’ll see Luke Castellan’s soul, she’s sure of it.
And, she swiftly resolves, this will be the last time she ever thinks of that boy again. She doesn’t need to spend all of eternity wishing for what could have been. Their history is in the forgotten past and she’ll make sure of it stays that way.
*
“I need your help,” Thalia says to Coraline that night in their tent.
Mara looks up from the e-book she’s reading, shooting a smirk at Thalia.
“What’s this? Our great and powerful leader admitting she needs help? Surely the end is nigh!”
Mara’s smirk falters when Thalia doesn’t snap back and when she notices the dark, resolved expression on other girl’s face.
“Thalia…?”
The daughter of Zeus ignores her and looks at Coraline, who looks nervous being caught between the two of them.
“What can I do, Thalia?”
Thalia swallows the lump in her throat and ignores the voice in the back of her mind that’s saying this is a bad idea.
“I need you to take me to Mnemosyne’s pool.”
*
Mara complains the entire trip through the Underworld.
Thalia hadn’t wanted her to come, but that stupid, stubborn sea cow wouldn’t take no for an answer. She claimed she was coming along in case Thalia did something completely irrational and stupid, and to keep her from bullying Coraline the entire way. Thalia really thinks it’s because Mara needs a few more hours to talk her out of paying a visit to the pool.
All the Hunters know of the mystical pool where the goddess of memory resides and know what goes on there. They talk about it in covert whispers around the camp fire and during the darkest of nights when only the terrors of the past can hurt them. It’s no secret that when a Hunter goes on leave for a few days, usually a couple of decades into her service, that she’s making the passage to Mnemosyne’s pool to have her painful memories erased.
Thalia has approved several of these trips herself and although they never say what they’re up to or where they’re going, everyone always knows. There’s a certain sense of shame attached to a visit to Mnemosyne, as if the other girls will look down upon another if they find she can’t handle living with some painful memories, that they’ll think she’s weak.
Personally, Thalia had never found a need to visit Mnemosyne before now. Yeah, she has some real shitty memories and every now and then she has nightmares, but she’s a master at repression. She has to be, otherwise watching everything she knows change or die off while she remains a day from sixteen for all eternity would drive her insane.
Thalia has matured greatly in the two hundred and sixty three years she’s been alive, but she will always be a teenager. Though she’s tamed them, she’s never lost her impulsiveness, pigheadedness, or temper, and sometimes they like to return with a swift vengeance - especially when she’s hurting. It’s not torturous memories that drive her to Mnemosyne’s pool today; its rash vindictiveness.
Mnemosyne’s pool is located about a mile away from the River Lethe in the Underworld. Thankfully they don’t have to cross the river to get to it, although Mara looks like she wants to pull a Percy and try to move the water anyway. Thalia knows a diversionary tactic when she sees one, so she ignores the daughter of Poseidon and keeps following Coraline. Mara trails reluctantly after them, getting quieter as they get closer to the pool.
Thalia’s breath feels heavy and cold as it moves in and out of her chest, and she can hear whispers just on the edge of her consciousness as they approach the pool. Mara and Coraline look just as uncomfortable as she feels, and for a moment, she’s glad the both of them are with her.
Thick, grey trees and dying gardens surround the small pool, which is unremarkable except for the stillness of the water. The woman in the faded black dress lying on the shore beside the small pool is equally unremarkable with mousy brown hair, flat black eyes, and the type of face Thalia’s seen a thousand times before but would never be able to pick out of a crowd, even if she was standing right in front of her.
“Lady Mnemosyne?” Thalia asks, trying to hide the nervousness in her voice.
The woman blinks and looks up at the three of them. Then she does something rather unexpected - she rolls her eyes.
“Great, more of you Hunters? I ought to start charging for my services with the way you lot keep coming around,” the goddess says, pushing herself into a sitting position. Even though her voice is flat and boring, Thalia can still detect traces of annoyance. “Step right up and get your memories of your abusive parents or stupid first boyfriend erased for a golden drachma a minute!”
“There’s no need to be rude,” Coraline says, wordlessly coming to Thalia’s defense. “I know we’re the only visitors allowed in your domain, and you’d never keep up with your Olympian gossip without us.”
Mnemosyne glares at Coraline, assessing her, and then turns her eyes to Mara and Thalia in succession.
“Well, well, well, daughters of the Big Three,” Mnemosyne says, drawing herself to her feet and walking toward them. “This is the first time I’ve had the pleasure of meeting any of your kind. Usually it’s the weaklings who come crawling to me - ”
“None of our sisters are weak,” Mara says with a snarl, fingering the knife at her belt. “You’d know that with the memories you’ve taken from them.”
Mnemosyne’s eyes flash.
“I do not take, daughter of Poseidon. All memories are freely given to me and their owners understand what they are giving up. If you want of such a gift in the future, I would suggest you keep your insults to yourself,” She turns to Thalia, scrutinizing her with her black eyes. “And you do understand what you are giving up, daughter of Zeus?”
Thalia’s palms are sweating and her limbs are trembling, but she tries not to think of anything as she steps forward and nods.
“I would like to relieve myself of the memories which hold me back from living up to my full potential as Lady Artemis’s lieutenant,” Thalia says slowly, her tongue thick in her mouth. “Please erase my memories of Luke Castellan.”
Mara sucks in a breath behind her and reaches out to touch Thalia on the arm. Mara’s the only one who knows her history with Luke and that’s why she didn’t want the other girl to come. She didn’t want someone to act as his advocate.
“Thalia, are you sure?”
Is she sure? Not completely, but she’s sick of waking up every morning with the hope of seeing him again and having it crushed each day that goes by without him. She doesn’t want her chest to ache at the thought of Luke having children and the perfect life while she’s stuck in a rut for the rest of her immortal life. She doesn’t want to walk around every day knowing that he’s left her behind yet again and soon, he’ll be gone altogether.
And she’ll be alone for good.
“Yes,” Thalia says to both women, shaking off Mara’s hand. “I want him gone.”
Mnemosyne stares at her for a full minute and Thalia’s eyes water with the urge to blink. Finally, the goddess nods and holds out her hands. Thalia flinches as her cold, clammy fingertips touch her temples.
“Relax, Thalia, daughter of Zeus, and think of the one you call Luke Castellan,” Mnemosyne says, her voice becoming soft and melodic. “When you feel as though he is properly purged from your mind, tell me and I will stop.”
Mara makes a noise of protest from behind, but Thalia steels herself and closes her eyes, calling forward any and all memories she might have of the blond haired boy from her past.
Mnemosyne takes it from there.
Like a computer programmer, she delves into Thalia’s mind and starts pulling out and opening up memories until they’re all crammed so tight inside, Thalia’s skull feels like it’s going to burst. Mnemosyne calls up the most recent memory - the one of a father, daughter and dog walking down the street - and lets it play for a moment. Then it’s gone, and the pressure in Thalia’s head decreases infinitesimally.
She feels a faint sense of satisfaction as all her memories of Jake Macguire and his daughter are erased from her mind, like he never even existed. Soon, as far as she knows, he doesn’t and Mnemosyne moves on to the next memories.
They’re not actually memories, per se, but the fantasies and dreams she’s had of Luke that have kept her company throughout the last century. All the instances she thought she found him again, any blond, blue eyed boy she thought could possibly be him are gone in an instant and suddenly, Adam’s dying face is swimming in her mind’s eye.
Thalia gasps in surprise and pain. She hasn’t thought of him in ages because it was just too distressing for her. She distantly hears his plea for her not to be bitter…and then that memory is gone, replaced by an earlier one of Adam, when he was still healthy and smiling, and they were happy - but no, that’s not right because now she’s stumbling into his room and yelling at him -
She doesn’t want this. She wanted Luke gone, not Adam. They weren’t the same person!
“N - no,” Thalia chokes out, tears slipping from her eyes as Adam disappears from her mind completely. Her head is beginning to feel empty and cold, and she doesn’t like it at all. “I - I - ”
Mnemosyne speeds up the process, cutting out any brief thought or mention of Luke in her consciousness as she goes.
She whips past a memory of burning pyre and then onto her memories of Kronos in Luke’s body. Thalia has to relive terrible moments at the Battle of New York until they’re blissfully wiped away or Kronos is simply edited out of them. It continues through her first year as Hunter and the miscellaneous thoughts she had of him, thoughts she had long forgotten, and then Mnemosyne is on to her memories as a mortal which are blessedly brief.
“Interesting,” Mnemoysne mumbles quietly as they pass into a strange set of impressions and feelings Thalia never knew she had hidden inside her.
When she feels the phantom pain of someone stabbing her and poison spreading through her veins, she realizes these are her memories as a tree.
Thalia doesn’t remember any of these images or sensations, and she’s filled with wonder and shock as they flitter by. She barely has seconds to glimpse them and then they’re torn away from her, thrown into the void with the rest of them. Thalia feels an agonizing sense of loss that none of the other memories provide because she never knew this side of herself.
She hears Luke telling her about his plans to destroy Olympus, sees him return to her tree after his quest with a bandage over his eye and an unreadable expression on his face, feels him as he touches the trunk of her tree every day for seven years as he copes with his grief and guilt, and see him grow younger and younger, and - and -
Then the memories are back in rich Technicolor as Thalia gets her last look of Luke and Annabeth before she’s turned into a tree, and Luke’s kissing her right before she runs off to sacrifice herself, and there are so many monsters, far too many for three kids and a satyr to handle.
But then the memories switch to pleasant ones, before everything went to hell, and Thalia remembers exactly what made her love Luke Castellan. His goofy smile, his quick wit and sarcasm, his loyalty to her and Annabeth...
She wants this to stop. No matter how miserable he’s made her and no matter how many promises he breaks, he’s still her Luke, still her other half. He’s made her who she is today and she can’t lose what defines her. What would happen to her without him?
The current of her emotions is too strong, though, and she can’t get her muscles to work properly. More memories flash by - finding Annabeth hiding in a garbage pile, their first kiss in the rain after Luke had successfully stolen a wallet packed with $100 bills, playful arguments and painful attempts at flirting - and with a stroke of horror, Thalia realizes Mnemosyne is reaching the end of the thread of her memories.
“N - no,” Thalia says in a pained gasp as the process begins to slow. “S - stop.”
Abruptly, the goddess stops at Thalia’s last and very first memory of Luke: a boy with blond hair with blue eyes staring at her from across the street.
“P - put them back,” Thalia sobs, her shoulders shaking. She doesn’t have control of herself; there are too many emotions, some long forgotten, have been arisen by her memories and her body doesn’t know how to express them all. “Please, put them b - back.”
“I told you there was no returning from this point, Thalia Grace,” Mnemosyne says softly, her voice full of regret. “What I have done to your mind cannot be undone, but no power of mine can erase the truth in your heart. Someday, perhaps, your memories will return, but it will not be this day.”
Mnemosyne presses her fingers hard into Thalia’s temples and she knows nothing more.
*
Mara actually screams when Thalia’s body drops lifelessly to the ground in front of Mnemosyne. The goddess had only had her hands on Thalia for a few moments - how much irreversible brain damage had she done in such a short time?
“Thalia!” Coraline cries and rushes over to her. “What did you do?”
Mnemosyne ignores the younger girl and turns her coal black eyes to Mara.
“Your lieutenant will remember nothing of this encounter or the boy named Luke Castellan,” she says, her voice as listless and grey as the surrounding environment. “She will be emotional for a few days, but she should return to her old self soon enough. I am sure you Hunters have more than enough experience dealing with my distraught patients.”
The goddess smirks and Mara’s eyes burn with hatred. She wishes she wasn’t so far away from the pool’s edge, otherwise she’d make this evil witch pay for being so flippant.
“Will she ever get her memories back?” Mara asks in a tight voice.
Mnemosyne shrugs carelessly.
“It is highly unlikely. But who knows with you demigods? You’re always so full of wonderful surprises.”
*
When Thalia opens her eyes the next morning, something feels off.
She can’t quite put her finger on it, but she feels…different. Incomplete.
Alone.
She doesn’t understand why.
*
Across the country, a father of three stares at his ceiling as he fights to fall asleep, wondering why seeing that teenage girl with blue eyes and black hair walk away from him could make everything in his life feel absolutely worthless.
Part Three