(no subject)
I am constantly thinking about the food I put in my mouth every day. What I don't understand, is if I think about it so much, why do I continue to put so much nasty ass fuckin shit down my throat? GOD DAMN IT! Ever feel like you have eaten so much food you couldn't eat any more? It's just my diet. I could have eaten a fucking SALAD what the fuck is wrong with me. Why can't I get my lazy ass to the gym either? I have two FREE FUCKING WEEKS of working out to do. I could even go to impress this fucking guy who gave me the fucking weeks who knows I haven't gone yet because he always asks me and I suck at lying so I tell him the truth - I'M TOO LAZZZZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is me beyond embarassment. I am beyond repair. No, I am not beyond repair but I am fucking gross to myself. It's not as if I see a lard ass in the mirror, I just feel like a lard ass. And compaired to when I was little and used to be so little and perfect sized, I am soooo not anymore. Given, that was when I was like 10 years old ... but I COULD HAVE STAYED PORPORTIONED!!!!!!!!
I've never done anything I've regretted, in terms of binge, purge, anerexia, belemia, etc. The only thing I regret about how I've treated my body is HOW I'VE TREATED MY BODY!!!!!! I never exercise, I never eat well and I only have sex on top when I'm drunk because I'm too god damn numb to realize how sore my muscles are. (That's a funny story... because I always wake up MAD SORE and am like "what... did I wear heels last night or something?) but gr.
This is not self pity or anything, it's just really late and I'm really tired but I could never fall asleep right now because of how gross my stomach feels from eating shit earlier tonight. But to be honest, right now I feel like I feel like this all the time. Constantly. After every meal, I think to myself - why did I eat that? I would have felt soooo much better if I just ate something nutritious. So why don't I think of that before I eat? I DON'T GET IT. I'm not stupid. So what's wrong with me?!
Help. Please.
This is me beyond embarassment. I am beyond repair. No, I am not beyond repair but I am fucking gross to myself. It's not as if I see a lard ass in the mirror, I just feel like a lard ass. And compaired to when I was little and used to be so little and perfect sized, I am soooo not anymore. Given, that was when I was like 10 years old ... but I COULD HAVE STAYED PORPORTIONED!!!!!!!!
I've never done anything I've regretted, in terms of binge, purge, anerexia, belemia, etc. The only thing I regret about how I've treated my body is HOW I'VE TREATED MY BODY!!!!!! I never exercise, I never eat well and I only have sex on top when I'm drunk because I'm too god damn numb to realize how sore my muscles are. (That's a funny story... because I always wake up MAD SORE and am like "what... did I wear heels last night or something?) but gr.
This is not self pity or anything, it's just really late and I'm really tired but I could never fall asleep right now because of how gross my stomach feels from eating shit earlier tonight. But to be honest, right now I feel like I feel like this all the time. Constantly. After every meal, I think to myself - why did I eat that? I would have felt soooo much better if I just ate something nutritious. So why don't I think of that before I eat? I DON'T GET IT. I'm not stupid. So what's wrong with me?!
Help. Please.