(no subject)
FUCK.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
What am I doing with my life?
Where the hell am I going to college?
ISU? St. Ambrose?
Fucking I.V.?
IT'S JUNE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.
There are so many pros and cons for each college and now I have zero fucking time to make a responsible decision that will change the rest of my life. I have no fucking clue what I want to do! I don't think most people have any clue. My mother says I don't "have to know", but I have to have a "pretty good idea." What does that even MEAN? If I had a pretty good idea, I wouldn't be in this freaking mess. I almost feel embarrassed about this all. "Hey guys, I'm going to ISU!" "No wait, St. Ambrose...." Honestly, if I end up at I.V. I will feel so fucking defeated (no offense to anyone there, it's just that I feel like I'm going there because I've lost all hope in having any direction in my life).
St. Ambrose is so small. It makes me SAD it's so small. It depresses me. But there are so many people I know there already and I like the QC area. I already know a bunch of people from that area. Joelle will be there.. along with Alyssa, Kelly and Michael and that comforts me that I know people. It also has an Occupational Therapy program which I've been thinking about... but honestly the only reason I HAVE been thinking about it is because it's good money. Then I think "Fuck. Do I really want to do this the rest of my life?"
Then there's ISU. I honestly really like the campus there. Alot more than St. Ambrose. I know that Kayla will be there but I haven't talked to her in AGES. We were supposed to get a super single suite together but she never called and asked for my "codes" which are necessary for requesting a roomate. Keith is there too and he's a good kid. But then there was that party that I went to at ISU a while ago and I thought "Shit. This honestly kind of sucks. Is this what I'd be doing here?" ANother thing is that ISU doesnt offer an OTC degree. But is that necessarily a bad thing?
I don't want to stay home next fall but my parents don't want to pay thousands of dollars for me not to know what the fuck I'm doing. That's another thing. I want to have a fun job... something I love doing. But then again, I have to think practically. My family doesn't have the money to blow just so I can get a "fun" bullshit degree. I feel like I have to do this the right way and make good money to compensate all the money spent on my education.
I'm 18. I naturally want a "glamorous" job. But I also want to know I'll be making fairly good money. So what do I do? Pray to God I "make" it in the english and/or fashion world or grit my teeth and bare it while I work an "alright" job that pays pretty well. Who knows... maybe I'll end up loving my "alright" job.
And that is what I need to figure out before I pick a college. This is crazy. I'm fucking crazy.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
What am I doing with my life?
Where the hell am I going to college?
ISU? St. Ambrose?
Fucking I.V.?
IT'S JUNE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.
There are so many pros and cons for each college and now I have zero fucking time to make a responsible decision that will change the rest of my life. I have no fucking clue what I want to do! I don't think most people have any clue. My mother says I don't "have to know", but I have to have a "pretty good idea." What does that even MEAN? If I had a pretty good idea, I wouldn't be in this freaking mess. I almost feel embarrassed about this all. "Hey guys, I'm going to ISU!" "No wait, St. Ambrose...." Honestly, if I end up at I.V. I will feel so fucking defeated (no offense to anyone there, it's just that I feel like I'm going there because I've lost all hope in having any direction in my life).
St. Ambrose is so small. It makes me SAD it's so small. It depresses me. But there are so many people I know there already and I like the QC area. I already know a bunch of people from that area. Joelle will be there.. along with Alyssa, Kelly and Michael and that comforts me that I know people. It also has an Occupational Therapy program which I've been thinking about... but honestly the only reason I HAVE been thinking about it is because it's good money. Then I think "Fuck. Do I really want to do this the rest of my life?"
Then there's ISU. I honestly really like the campus there. Alot more than St. Ambrose. I know that Kayla will be there but I haven't talked to her in AGES. We were supposed to get a super single suite together but she never called and asked for my "codes" which are necessary for requesting a roomate. Keith is there too and he's a good kid. But then there was that party that I went to at ISU a while ago and I thought "Shit. This honestly kind of sucks. Is this what I'd be doing here?" ANother thing is that ISU doesnt offer an OTC degree. But is that necessarily a bad thing?
I don't want to stay home next fall but my parents don't want to pay thousands of dollars for me not to know what the fuck I'm doing. That's another thing. I want to have a fun job... something I love doing. But then again, I have to think practically. My family doesn't have the money to blow just so I can get a "fun" bullshit degree. I feel like I have to do this the right way and make good money to compensate all the money spent on my education.
I'm 18. I naturally want a "glamorous" job. But I also want to know I'll be making fairly good money. So what do I do? Pray to God I "make" it in the english and/or fashion world or grit my teeth and bare it while I work an "alright" job that pays pretty well. Who knows... maybe I'll end up loving my "alright" job.
And that is what I need to figure out before I pick a college. This is crazy. I'm fucking crazy.