Why do I do this?

[green_is_lucky]

I think I have something wrong with me. I cant let go of things. Why do I think that Trevor is still going to ask me out? I need to just let it go and forget it. He is so amazing, something about him, I dont know what it is. It would be easier to just not talk to him, do what I did to my ex, just delete him. Get rid of everything I have ever known and start over...again. But he is so different, I cant delete him. I wish that he didnt care about him leaving in March, I wish he wanted to be with me until he left. But I need to just face it, he isnt gonna change and Im not gonna sit and think that is he going to. Corey is gonna come up and see me, and I dont want a boy in my life when he comes up. Its over, and I hate it. Fuck my life, boys are gay and I just shouldnt care anymore. Why put myself out there yet again and get shut down, not worth my time, Im better then that.
Im hurt, Im sad, I dissapointed in myself again. Thought it would change, thought it would be different. Just like always, I trusted too much, and I thought too little. Heres to what could have been.

Allison