Goodbye, until tomorrow, goodbye, until my feet touch the floor.
My papa died last night.
I saw him little more then a month ago, he looked awful. The last week or so, papa had been violent, he strangled a nurse, he pushed my nana, they had to restrain him. Papa has never been violent, they think it was the drugs. The last time I saw him, when we were leaving and I hugged him. I got in trouble, but it was worth it, because I'll never get to hug him again.
My mum called this morning, little after 7, she left a message telling me to call back, I knew it was going to be bad. I knew it had to do with Papa. And it's her birthday too. After she told me, I went to my room and cried myself back to sleep. I heard my dad saying things about how I was crying....he knew, but does he care? No.
When I got back up...like, 20 minutes ago, Heather kept calling me, telling me my hair was pretty, she wanted me to lay with her in her bed, she wanted to brush my hair, but I didn't want to...I started to cry again. Then I came downstairs and called my mom, she called to see how I was. After that phonecall, I started to sob. And still, nothing from upstairs.
All I want is to be hugged, I want someone to hold me while I cry. Sure, I could get a hug out of Heather, but hugging a three year old, isn't the most comfort a person can get. I'll get through this, I know I'm strong enough to do it alone. But I don't want to do it alone.
amanda
((x-posted in my gj))
I saw him little more then a month ago, he looked awful. The last week or so, papa had been violent, he strangled a nurse, he pushed my nana, they had to restrain him. Papa has never been violent, they think it was the drugs. The last time I saw him, when we were leaving and I hugged him. I got in trouble, but it was worth it, because I'll never get to hug him again.
My mum called this morning, little after 7, she left a message telling me to call back, I knew it was going to be bad. I knew it had to do with Papa. And it's her birthday too. After she told me, I went to my room and cried myself back to sleep. I heard my dad saying things about how I was crying....he knew, but does he care? No.
When I got back up...like, 20 minutes ago, Heather kept calling me, telling me my hair was pretty, she wanted me to lay with her in her bed, she wanted to brush my hair, but I didn't want to...I started to cry again. Then I came downstairs and called my mom, she called to see how I was. After that phonecall, I started to sob. And still, nothing from upstairs.
All I want is to be hugged, I want someone to hold me while I cry. Sure, I could get a hug out of Heather, but hugging a three year old, isn't the most comfort a person can get. I'll get through this, I know I'm strong enough to do it alone. But I don't want to do it alone.
amanda
((x-posted in my gj))