Bleh. Can't sleep. Again.
Sabotage. Every relationship, every feeling, every accomplishment and every failure is tainted. Because you're gone. Because you don't care. Because in the act of removing yourself from my life, you removed a piece of me and labeled me worthless.
How am I supposed to feel loved? Confident? Worthwhile? If the person responsible for practically everything that I am has come to the conclusion that I don't warrant acknowledgement, how can anybody else in my life rewrite it? Ignored on my birthday. No response for Father's day. Not even when your store was being robbed at 1am could you even feign that I belonged in your life.
Everything that I thought family was, the people who come through for one another, the people you don't have to hide from, the people who forgive... what does that even mean? If the closest family I have can turn their back, then what does that make me? Am I really a monster? I feel like one. I can see myself getting meaner, everyday. Because how am I supposed to care? For anyone. Really.
I just feel burned. I don't want to trust anyone. I don't want to love anyone. I want to be succinct. And safe. And selfish. Because if being selfish is what I'm being punished for, I might as well have earned it.
How am I supposed to feel loved? Confident? Worthwhile? If the person responsible for practically everything that I am has come to the conclusion that I don't warrant acknowledgement, how can anybody else in my life rewrite it? Ignored on my birthday. No response for Father's day. Not even when your store was being robbed at 1am could you even feign that I belonged in your life.
Everything that I thought family was, the people who come through for one another, the people you don't have to hide from, the people who forgive... what does that even mean? If the closest family I have can turn their back, then what does that make me? Am I really a monster? I feel like one. I can see myself getting meaner, everyday. Because how am I supposed to care? For anyone. Really.
I just feel burned. I don't want to trust anyone. I don't want to love anyone. I want to be succinct. And safe. And selfish. Because if being selfish is what I'm being punished for, I might as well have earned it.