Fade Into The Background Second Flashback
Banner by naomi0211 ♥
Title: Fade into the Background //You can't lose what you never had//
Pairing: Akanishi Jin X Kamenashi Kazuya (Akame to make it short XD) //KAT-TUN//
Genre: Romance, ANGST, lots of Fluff
Rating: from PG-13 to NC-17
Disclamer: Do not own them. If anybody I'd like to own Ueda. But well... one can't have everything, right?
Summary: Kazuya is getting married and while watching him from the background Jin suddenly remembers their story. His thoughts are going back in time and he starts to regret and realize....
A/N: First of all: English isn't my mother tongue, but I tried my best and since I was living in the UK I'm pretty much used to write and speak it. But you're welcome to correct mistakes.
THIS is just the second flashback, so it's very, very short (just as the first one). Real life is a little busy right now... I just need to settle things here in Germany and get everything sorted... I've started with Chapter 11, but I'm not nearly done, so you need to be patient for a little longer.
I'm very sorry !!!!! I'm updating this now, instead of posting it with the new chapter, because I don't want to make everyone wait for so long~
WARNING: Very short update? v.v
Previous Chapters:
Prologue
First Memory: A Winter Illusion
Second Memory: All I want for Christmas
Third Memory: Broken Promise
Fourth Memory: Losing Faith
Fifth Memory: Confessions
First Flashback: Still on my Mind
Sixth Memory: Missing
Seventh Memory: Powder Happiness
Eighth Memory: Best Friends and Lovers
Ninth Memory: Treat me right
Tenth Memory: If I'd let you go
Second Flashback: Lose Myself
Their timing had always been bad, Jin thought, as he watched Kazuya turn to his bride, saw them looking at each other; her sparkling happy eyes, Kazuya’s calm and cheerful ones.
They stood in front of the altar, and even though this ceremony didn’t have the traditional meaning to them, everything seemed so serious. The bridesmaids in their white dresses which appeared slightly green in the light, the perfect arrangement of white flowers, the completely white decoration of just everything and Koki’s serious gaze, standing behind Kazuya as his best man.
And then that happy atmosphere; the way those two looked at each other. She seemed so happy the way she gave Kazuya that look.
And he returned it with a completely loving smile.
Jin wouldn’t ever again fall for that smile. He had seen it once and he would recognize it under all of Kazuya’s smiles over and over again. The one that made his eyes shine and seemed so happy and honest.
It was the fakest smile Jin had ever seen. Though, before this, he had just seen it that day before he had left to America.
He could remember every single word that had fallen the day after, every look, every taste and smell. That kiss, their last one, was still on his mind and if he closed his eyes sometimes when he was all alone, he could still feel what it had been like.
Jin wondered if Kazuya still tasted the same, still kissed in that same gentle way.
Abandoning those thoughts, he listened to the priest’s words, saw Kazuya maintaining that smile and felt the urge to once forget about his image, his career, the band and everything else and just build up the courage to stand up and stop this.
But he could only remain where he was and watch. Later on, he would pretend a smile just like Kazuya did now and congratulate them.
Right at that moment, Jin wondered why he had even come. It’s been a stupid idea to follow that invitation and appear here. It didn’t do him any good and neither did it for Kazuya. It was just confusing for the both of them; waking up old feelings, brining back old memories.
Jin didn’t want to remember, but he couldn’t help it. Kazuya’s words echoed in his head; those three words he had said in a thin voice.
He had heard them just once, but still he remembered them so perfectly, the sound, the heavy impact behind them. Kazuya had been all serious about it back then, only Jin had been too blind to see it.
By now he knew, by now he could tell that it had been true and he had broken Kazuya with his answer, but back then everything had seemed so right in his mind. He had felt so self-sacrificing, giving everything up to protect Kazuya; but instead he had wounded him as deeply as he could ever have.
They had never talked about it; not sincerely at least. Jin regretted that one fight they had had after he had returned from L.A. That had been his fault as well. Still caught in his own thoughts about it, in his blindness and probably also his hurt pride, he had made the worst thing to Kazuya.
He probably deserved nothing better than to go through this trial he was in right now. There was no doubt that it was torturing for Jin, that he couldn’t stand it.
Being there, watching Kazuya getting completely out of his reach, getting married, made one thing clear for Jin. He had always looked at Kazuya; he was the only one who had ever gotten to know Kazuya honestly; the only one who had ever truly loved him.
And he still did.
If he didn’t do anything now, he’d lose Kazuya forever.
“Sto… Stop.” The word echoed just quietly through the church. Jin felt his heart skip more than just one beat, before it started to pound wildly.
“Stop!” This one was louder and everyone turned their heads.
The smile on Kazuya’s lips faded and he turned around--- staring at Koki.
“I’m… Kame, I’m so sorry!” Koki said and lifted his hands, showing his palms. “The rings… I guess, they are still in my car. I forgot them.”
Kazuya just stared at him first, but then he started to laugh quietly. His bride gave him an unbelieving look.
“Just give me twenty seconds and… Oh damn, I’m so sorry!” Koki said and started to run, mumbling something like: “Damn… Oh, damn, I’ve just cursed in a church!”
Everyone was staring after Koki, only Jin sat in his place and tried to catch his breath; still staring at Kazuya, scared to death. He had thought Koki would do what Jin had been about to do.
He saw Kazuya shrugging his shoulders at his bride, most likely telling her that that was just typically Koki and couldn’t be helped. She seemed flustered and even slightly angry. Nakamaru was still laughing and Ueda scolded him to be quiet.
As his heartbeat found its usual pace again, Jin closed his eyes for a second.
If Koki would not have said something, Jin would have. He really had been about to stand up and go to the front to take Kazuya out of here.
To do the same mistake again he had done years before.
As he opened his eyes again, he found Kazuya’s looking at him. He returned the look and for once he was sure he could tell everything in that gaze.
Kazuya was afraid, insecure, uncertain of this.
Jin just shook his head; not knowing himself, whether it meant that he wouldn’t help Kazuya or that he didn’t want him to do it. But he was sure Kazuya could read his mind just as well as he could read the brunette’s, so he had no doubt Kazuya could see all of Jin’s regrets.
Perhaps even his love.
Koki entered the church again, running up to Kazuya and held the casket with the rings.
Kazuya lowered his gaze to them, looked at them for a moment, indifferently.
“What’s wrong?” Koki asked.
Jin frowned over Kazuya’s facial expression; he knew that one quite well. And he found his suspicion proven true as Kazuya’s gaze found his again, before he looked to his right side where that beautiful woman gave him a faithful look.
After that, everything went too fast for Jin to get every detail. The casket with the rings fell to the floor as Kazuya pushed Koki slightly aside and dashed off.
Someone made a surprised noise, probably the bride herself, Jin thought and saw Kazuya struggling to open the heavy wooden doors. But he made it and shortly after, he wasn’t visible anymore, the church flooded with bright and dazzling sunlight. The scent of spring was crawling through the cold room; everyone was staring into the light.
“Did… He ran away?” Koki broke the silence and heavy murmurs started from everywhere, everyone was talking suddenly.
Jin still stared at the bride who was shaking, not getting what was going on. She seemed shocked, but Jin couldn’t feel any shame or pity; although he knew there was just one reason why Kazuya had dashed off. He knew it was his fault her groom had just run away from their wedding.
Without anyone taking notice of him, Jin got up and turned. His feet moved themselves and he started to run after Kazuya; followed him into that white, out-blinding light.
Because there was just one reason.