Fade Into The Background Chapter 8
Banner by naomi0211 ♥
Title: Fade into the Background //You can't lose what you never had//
Pairing: Akanishi Jin X Kamenashi Kazuya (Akame to make it short XD) //KAT-TUN//
Genre: Romance, some Angst, lots of Fluff
Rating: NC-17
Disclamer: Do not own them. If anybody I'd like to own Ueda. But well... one can't have everything, right?
Summary: Kazuya is getting married and while watching him from the background Jin suddenly remembers their story. His thoughts are going back in time and he starts to regret and realize....
A/N: First of all: English isn't my mother tongue, but I tried my best and since I'm living in the UK at the moment I'm pretty much used to write and speak it. But you're welcome to correct mistakes.
Again, I have to apologize for the delay, but honestly, for this chapter I took all my time, since it's probably the most beautiful and peaceful one for the whole fanfiction.
I don't have much to say. I just hope you're going to like it.
Previous Chapters:
Prologue
First Memory: A Winter Illusion
Second Memory: All I want for Christmas
Third Memory: Broken Promise
Fourth Memory: Losing Faith
Fifth Memory: Confessions
First Flashback: Still on my Mind
Sixth Memory: Missing
Seventh Memory: Powder Happiness
Eighth Memory: Best Friends and Lovers
Lovers, Jin thought, was definitely another definition than of what he and Kazuya were.
Actually, nothing had changed between them; they were still as close as they had always been, only that they had realized their feelings for each other.
They were in love, they had both confessed it in a way, but still they were not lovers.
Since Jin had kissed Kazuya that day in New York a lot of time had passed by, more than half a year, and even if they wanted to change things it was difficult for them to do so.
They were always being watched, there were always people around and what was between them was inappropriate.
What left were those rare moments when they could be completely alone, just the two of them, and most of the times both of them were too shy to act.
So they mostly ended up spending those times going on a walk with Pin and Ran-chan or sitting side by side, watching movies and finally falling asleep leaning against each other.
What wasn’t a bad thing at all, Jin figured as he watched Ueda and Nakamaru who were getting ready for the TV show they were the guests in today. Of course it wasn’t, since that time he could spend with Kazuya was the most precious time he had and also, he enjoyed it really much. No matter what they were doing, it was always completely relaxed and natural and just simple.
They were both able to be relaxed when the other one was around and Jin liked that atmosphere.
But after all, he had the feeling things were not developing between them.
By now they were actually friends who occasionally happened to kiss.
It wasn’t like Jin was dissatisfied. He actually was satisfied with everything, since having Kazuya around was everything he wanted. He just wasn’t… completely satisfied.
The brunette sighed heavily. He didn’t have much time to think about it, however, since they were to appear in that show in the next five minutes.
So he went over to Nakamaru and Ueda.
“Jin, can we talk?” Nakamaru asked and tilted his head.
“Um, no?”
Nakamaru leaned in to him, so that Ueda wouldn’t hear him; what was unnecessary, though, since Ueda was somewhere in his own world again. “I’m listening. Tell me what’s troubling you.”
Jin frowned and took a step away from him. “There’s nothing troubling me.”
“You’ve been so strange all morning; not talking, not listening, and staring at your phone…” Nakamaru chuckled a bit. “I’d say someone’s in love here?”
“I’d say someone’s talking nonsense here.” Jin just answered and followed Ueda then, as they were leaded to the stage.
Nakamaru just sighed and then followed them, putting a smile on for the cameras.
After they had talked in that show and participated in, what Jin thought, stupid games they were brought to the Jimusho were they would have some rehearsals and interviews.
In the car Jin noticed his mobile phone ringing and throwing the display a look, he decided not to pick up.
It was Ryo, but Jin just wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. And he knew Ryo would ask him out for dinner or to play at his house.
And it wasn’t like Jin didn’t like to be with Ryo and spend time with him; they would most likely have Yamapi and Kazuya join them. But Jin knew Kazuya would have this evening of.
It was a perfect timing again, since Jin would have work until late evening and the next morning off--- when Kazuya would have to be at the Jimusho again. But Jin hoped they could spend the evening together, though.
At those times Kazuya would come over with Ran-chan and wait for him. Jin would bring some take away food for them and they’d have dinner together.
They hadn’t done so in a while now, because the band was so busy lately that they just not managed to spend much time together; beside from time they spend together while working. But that was different. They could hang out then and fool around, having fun with the other four, but it just wasn’t the same.
They couldn’t handle each other the way they did when they were alone.
They both always tried not to reveal their relationship in any ways, so they behaved as if they were nothing else but best friends. Even though, it happened from time to time that their hands touched and they just didn’t do anything about it, but just left them were they were. Sometimes Jin was falling asleep with his head on Kazuya’s shoulder or on his knees. Things like these happened, but didn’t mean anything in the eyes of the other members and the stuff, since it had been like that always.
“Jin…” Nakamaru leaned forwards in his seat to talk over Jin’s shoulder directly in his ear. “Jin, your mobile is ringing.”
The dark brunette tried to ignore him, but gave the older one a glare then. “I’ve noticed.”
“Don’t you want to pick up?”
“If I wanted that, I would have done it already, don’t you think?”
Nakamaru frowned and leaned back again. He looked at Ueda, who was staring out the window and sighed. “What’s up with you guys? Jin is the impersonation of Zorro today and Ueda was only talking on stage.”
“That’s probably because you’re talking too much.” Jin suggested.
Nakamaru seriously started to think about that and Jin just shook his head, noticing that Ueda really didn’t pay attention at all. He wondered if the blonde boy was even listening to what they’ve just said.
But his mobile phone started to ring again and distracted Jin from his thoughts. The car stopped and he saw that Nakamaru got ready to get out and Ueda slowly turned his head, apparently realizing that he had to leave the vehicle.
Thinking about picking up his phone and telling Ryo not to call all the time just because he was bored, Jin got out of the car and looked at the display. As he recognized it was Kazuya calling him he quickly pressed the green button.
“Hey.”
“Hey there.” Kazuya said and Jin couldn’t help but smile.
He slowly followed Ueda and Nakamaru into the building in a long distance, so they wouldn’t hear him. “What’s up?”
“I’m having a break and thought I could give you a call.” The other one answered. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Yeah. They somehow always give us projects apart from each other.”
“I wonder if Johnny knows something?” Kazuya wondered and Jin could hear a slight sigh. “However. I just thought it would be nice to talk again.”
“Mhm.” was everything Jin answered, since he couldn’t say things like ‘I was longing to hear your voice again’ and such. But he had been. “I don’t have much time right now… We have some rehearsals for the show tonight.”
“Ah, I see.” Kazuya answered. “Then…”
“But” Jin went on, not letting Kazuya hang up like that. “If you have some time tonight, you could come over for dinner?” he asked rather quietly.
It remained silent for a moment. “When will you be back?”
“At about eight, I think.”
“I’ll have to be at the Jimusho at nine tomorrow morning.”
Jin swallowed and rubbed his forehead with his free hand. “I know, but I thought…”
“So, I’ll come over for dinner, but I guess I won’t stay that long.” Kazuya finished.
“That’s fine.” Jin answered promptly, somehow relieved, since he’d been afraid Kazuya could reject his offer. “See you later then.”
“Okay, take care.”
“Oh, and Kazu…” Jin said without thinking about it and as Kazuya waited for what he had to say, the older one swallowed thickly, since he was not the type to say things like that. So he decided to make it simple and plain. “Thanks for calling me.”
Kazuya shut his mobile phone and looked at it with a happy smile, not knowing Jin just did exactly the same in that moment.
“Who did you call?” Koki asked as he came from the backside and gave Kazuya a curious look. “Good news?”
The younger one shrugged his shoulders a bit and smiled. “Something like that.”
“Ah.” The other brunette replied and sat down on the table. They were having a photo shooting together and would give an interview later. For now they had a break and Koki had thought about going to the convenient store down the street to get some sweets. But as he had seen Kazuya walking over to a corner as soon as their break had started he had gotten curious. “How about some karaoke tonight? You’re off as well, aren’t you?”
Kazuya nodded. “Yes, but I’ve already made plans.”
“I see.” The light brunette still seemed distracted by something Koki couldn’t tell. “The person you’ve just called?”
Avoiding to answer that, Kazuya titled his head and threw Koki a look. “Why so curious?”
Koki shook his head. “No, not at all. I was just wondering.”
“I’m just having a relaxed evening at home; spending some time with Ran-chan and going to bed early, nothing else.” He didn’t have to mention that he planned to do so at Jin’s.
“I see, I see.” Koki nodded and got to his feet, somehow nervous then. “It was a stressful time lately, so that’s a good idea.”
“Ne, Kame, let’s go and buy something so eat?” Taguchi suddenly asked from the door.
Relieved their conversation was over with this Kazuya went over to him. “Are you coming, too?” he asked Koki.
The older one just nodded and followed then, back to his usual self, as he went ahead, making stupid jokes about Taguchi.
As they came back, it didn’t take too long anymore until they were finished with the interview, since they had taken the photos earlier.
“Thank you.” Kazuya bowed to everyone from the stuff as he left the room to pick up his things and go home.
There was a train station nearby and as usual it didn’t take Kazuya too long to get home. His parents weren’t home yet, so he didn’t get a respond to his “Tadaima.”
Only Ran-chan was running down the stairs from his room to greet him with some happy barks.
He thought of eating something, but then decided against it, since he would have dinner later with Jin. He just brought his things up to his room, would have a shower and change before he’d leave to Jin’s.
“Tadaima…” Jin said in a tired voice as he opened the door to his home. His mother wasn’t there anymore; he knew she was working at this time, but he said it nevertheless.
Slowly he got out of his shoes, dropped his bag on his way through the hallway and left his jacked hanging over the backrest of a chair, before he filled a glass with water and sat down.
He was exhausted from the day. Nakamaru and Ueda had had a fight after all and of course he had been the one standing between them. They had been so annoying and it had been nerve-wracking to be with them all the time.
Why did Nakamaru always have to complain when Ueda had a date? That was Ueda’s business, wasn’t it? And why did Ueda always have to tell them that he planned to go on a date, when he knew Nakamaru would start to complain?
Why?
Jin sighed and rested his head at the table.
“Are you okay?”
His eyes flew open, and with his head still on the table he stared at Kazuya.
Crap, he had forgotten about him; completely forgotten.
The younger one gave him a worried look from the kitchen door. “What happened?”
“Nakamaru and Ueda were born.” Jin just said and sat up again.
Kazuya frowned as he went over to Jin and inertly stroked over his hair. “Did they fight again?”
“Mhm.” The dark brunette nodded. “I forgot about you.” he admitted.
“You didn’t bring something to eat, so I thought so.”
“I’m sorry.” Jin said and really meant it; Kazuya could see it in his eyes. “Did my mum let you in?”
“Yeah. She was still here when I came. Pin and Ran-chan are in your room.”
Again, just a nod; then Jin got up and sighed. “Okay, I’ll better prepare some food then.”
With a smile Kazuya laid his hands onto Jin’s shoulders and gently pressed him back to his seat. “It’s okay. You’re tired. I’m going to take care of that.”
“But it’s your evening off and I totally ruined it.”
“You ruined it if you’d cook.” Kazuya just said.
Jin laughed a bit and then leaned back, watching Kazuya getting all the ingredients he needed. Somehow he felt much less tired, now that he was here with Kazuya.
It remained silent between them and while Kazuya was preparing some fried rice, Jin almost fell asleep at the table. It wasn’t that he was bored or weary, the atmosphere was just so comfortable and calm that Jin felt secure and welfare.
“What were they fighting for?” Kazuya then asked, not turning to Jin.
Jin opened his eyes and continued watching every of the younger one’s move. “The usual. Ueda has a date tonight.”
Kazuya sighed. “Why does he keep telling it? We all know Nakamaru is going to discompose about it every time again.”
“Probably Ueda likes it that Nakamaru is caring for him so obviously.”
“They should just finally sort their feelings out. It really can’t go on like this.”
“I don’t care, as long as they could just please fight when they are alone.” Jin complained. He got up to refill his glass with water again.
As he stood next to Kazuya he noticed the fresh smell and that his hair was still a little wet. Automatically he reached out his hand and touched it, worming a surprised look from Kazuya.
Despite that look Jin leaned in and snuffled at Kazuya’s hair, before he turned to him and gently placed a kiss to the younger one’s lips.
Kazuya blushed immediately, but gave Jin a slight smile. “What was that for?”
“You’re cooking for me, aren’t you?”
“I’ve never said I’d share.” Kazuya teased.
“It’s way too much for you alone.”
“I haven’t eaten since lunch; you wouldn’t believe how hungry I am.”
Jin realized that the brunette hadn’t eaten because he had said he’d bring something for them. So it was his fault. Trying not to let Kazuya see that he felt guilty about it, he grinned. After all Kazuya wasn’t mad at him and was right here now. So all he could do was to make up for it now and compensate Kazuya for it.
He reached his hand out and Kazuya’s eyes automatically followed his movement. Jin turned off the cooker; then he laid his hand on the hip that was just next to the button and leaned in to kiss Kazuya.
For a moment they stood just like that; beside Jin’s hand on Kazuya’s hip only their lips were touching. Kazuya tilted his head slightly, opening his mouth and Jin’s lips moved over his, gently sipping.
It was Kazuya who got closer first. He slowly lifted his arms to slide them around Jin’s neck, eagerly returning the kiss. Their kiss deepened as Jin felt Kazuya licking his lower lip, and pulled the younger one to his chest, his fingers curling into the brunette strands of hair.
Kazuya was sure time had stopped. His breath hitched as he felt Jin’s tongue touching his. They rarely kissed like this, usually they remained with short pecks, but taking time and kissing like this was something they only did when they felt comfortable and save.
Only, when they really were completely alone.
Softly Kazuya’s hands were fidgeting with the tips of Jin’s hair while the older one moved his hands over his back, pulling him even closer.
Jin broke the kiss, but only to let his lips wander down Kazuya’s chin to his neck. Instinctively Kazuya got to his toes and his head fell back to offer Jin more space. As the younger male slightly moaned, Jin gently bit down the skin, just to hear Kazuya moan a little louder this time. He then licked the red spot, caressed it with tender lips and felt Kazuya’s hands gripping his hair more tight.
The light brunette could feel Jin grin against his skin, but he wasn’t able to speak or push him away. He knew he was melting in Jin’s arms right now, but it felt good what Jin did; he couldn’t stop him.
Kazuya would not have minded it at all if this was going to last a little longer.
As Jin lightly started to suck the spot he had been kissing just a moment ago, Kazuya’s eyes flew open and darkened. His lips opened in a silent protest, but all he could do was tilting his head back even more.
Just for a moment Jin let go of Kazuya’s neck, looking at the spot for a moment, just to lean in again and gently blow over it and place little pecks to it. His hands rested on Kazuya’s hips, while the younger one’s fingers were loosely curled into Jin’s hair.
With a smile Jin looked into Kazuya’s face and embraced him once more.
“Still hungry?” he asked quietly.
“I don’t know” was all Kazuya managed to answer, his head resting at Jin’s neck.
They remained like that for a little longer, and then Jin gently pushed Kazuya away. “We’ll better eat before it gets cold.”
The younger boy nodded and looked around the kitchen in confusion, obviously searching for something.
“I’ll get some bowls.” Jin just said and inwardly smiling over Kazuya’s innocence. Just to kiss him like that had made him lose his balance completely.
They went up the stairs to Jin’s room where Ran and Pin were both sleeping at the couch. Jin and Kazuya sat down beside them and soon things went back to normal between them. They watched TV while eating and were quarrelling over things; debating over dramas and laughing over various shows.
But it didn’t take too long until Jin’s tiredness returned and he fell asleep with his head on Kazuya’s shoulder while they were watching a Drama.
Kazuya was thinking about getting a blanket, cover Jin and leave then. His hand reached up to his neck and he didn’t need to see it to know there was a red spot.
He’d either had to wear a turtleneck pullover or a shawl tomorrow. But he didn’t mind it, not at all.
Remembering how it had felt when Jin had made the love bite he blushed again and his eye lids fell closed as well.
He nuzzled against Jin with a sleepy sigh and was asleep within just a few moments.
When Jin woke up again, there were advertisement shows on TV. Kazuya was lying next to him at his couch, nuzzled against him, but still pressed against the backrest, while his, Jin’s, arm rested over his slim waist. Pin and Ran-chan were lying at their feet, asleep.
Jin got up slowly and rubbed his eyes.
He switched off the TV and thought about just joining Kazuya on the couch again, but decided against it, since it was the worst for their muscles.
They’d both be in pain for the next dance rehearsals then.
“Kazuya” he said and softly joggled his shoulder. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
Pin lifted his head and stared at Jin. “You two can sleep here.” Jin just said and as if the dog understood, he rested his head back at Ran-chan’s again.
“Kazu-chan” Jin just said.
And it worked. Kazuya shifted and muttered. “Don’t call me that.”
Jin grinned. “Come, you can’t sleep at the couch.”
Kazuya sat up and rubbed the back of his head. “I need to go home.”
“Not anymore. It’s almost four.” Jin took his hand, tugging him off of the couch.
“Can you set the alarm for me?”
“Sure” Jin said. “It’s not much time left, though.”
They went over to the bed and before Kazuya could do anything about it, Jin started to undress him. Kazuya just watched him, as the older boy stripped him off his shirt and opened the belt for him. Then Jin took off his own clothes and while getting rid of his own jeans, Kazuya yawned.
He was still sleepy and sat down on the edge of the bed, only wearing his shorts then. “Are you going to continue now?”
Jin turned to him, not understanding first, but then he realized the situation and in point of fact blushed.
He just went to the other side of the bed and lifted the blankets. Kazuya joined him and for a moment they were lying like that, side by side.
After a minute Jin reached out his hand, taking Kazuya’s in his and the younger male automatically shifted closer.
Their legs were touching, it was just that touch of bare skin on bare skin, but it made Jin shiver. He turned to Kazuya, their legs now jammed, tangled and Kazuya curled up to Jin’s chest.
Bare skin on bare skin, Jin thought, sliding his arm around Kazuya’s waist and felt the other one drifting into sleep again, and yet it was still so innocent.
“Not tonight, Kazuya” he whispered and closed his eyes again, smiling as he noticed the fresh smell of that brown hair once more.
Jin mumbled something as his alarm went off and woke him up. He shifted in his bed, closer to the warm body next to him and tried to ignore the sound.
Only when he lost that warmth, he slowly managed to open his eyes and yawn. The room was empty and he could hear the sound of running water from the bathroom next door, so he closed his eyes again, shifted closer to the warm spot Kazuya had left to doze for a little longer.
“Jin.”
The dark brunette sighed and hugged his pillow.
Again, “Ne, Jin”, but this time in a louder voice.
“What…?” he mumbled and opened an eye.
“Sorry. But I need a shawl or something. Can I borrow one of yours?” Kazuya asked, kneeling in front of the bed, so Jin could see his face.
The older one wanted to ask what he needed a shawl for, since his outfit was totally fine without one, but then noticed the red spot at Kazuya’s neck. Jin realized he should have thought about it, but he had actually not thought about much else than Kazuya when he’d been making it.
“Third draw, left side” he answered after a few seconds and watched Kazuya pulling out a black and white shawl and snuffling it then. “What are you doing?”
Kazuya turned to him and grinned, and then came over to kneel in front of the bed again. “It smells like you.”
“Of course it does; it’s mine.”
Kazuya smiled and leaned in, placing a loving kiss to Jin’s lips. “See you later.”
“Mhm…” Jin just murmured and as soon as Kazuya had closed the door behind himself, he lifted his hand and touched his lips.
Even though it was comfortable and warm underneath his blankets, Jin noticed that without Kazuya next to him it was somehow cold.
He wondered if he could ever sleep in this bed again without thinking of what it was like to share it with the younger male.
Way too occupied with his thoughts to fall asleep again, Jin lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling of his room.
His head was filled with thoughts about Kazuya, but what worried him much more was that his heart was the same, too.
While that, Kazuya made his way to the Jimusho where he’d have rehearsals this morning. Tomorrow they’d record a show where he would sing a solo. It wasn’t really the first time for him, but still, he wasn’t used to do solos.
So, no one of his follow band mates was there and he was alone with mostly seniors of him. Even though it took more time from Jin’s place to the Jimusho, he arrived there too early, but Kazuya didn’t mind waiting. He even preferred it this way.
“Good morning, Kamenashi.”
The brunette turned around as he heard someone greeting him and politely bowed to Yamashita. “Good morning.”
“You’re quite early.”
“So you are.”
Yamashita just smiled and went off to get changed.
Kazuya couldn’t help it, but for some reasons he didn’t like Yamashita-kun too much. It wasn’t really that he disliked him, since he didn’t know him that well, but he didn’t like to be around him either.
Now that Kazuya was aware of his feelings for Jin he wondered if it was about him. Because Jin got along with the other boy so well, Kazuya was probably jealous.
Thinking about that, he entered Kat-tun’s changing room. Since he didn’t want to be alone with Yamashita in the training hall, he stayed there until he was sure some more of them should have arrived by now.
He looked at his reflection in the mirror next to the door before he left the room and tied the shawl around his collar a little tighter to make sure, no one would see the red spot.
Of course he could make up excuses for it, but wouldn’t everyone suspect him then, anyway?
It was pretty unlikely to hit the door again one’s neck instead of against his head.
Or to have a baseball hitting that spot, but leaving just such a small mark then.
So, with this he was on the safe side, he figured and left.
“Ah, hi there!” Takizawa greeted him and Kazuya gave him an honest smile.
He still admired the older one and was glad things hadn’t gone bad between them after that incident more than a year ago. Apparently, Takizawa appreciated Kazuya’s hard working and saw that he tried his best to fulfil everyone’s expectations.
Takizawa playfully tugged the shawl and grinned. “Don’t you think, that’s getting a little warm while practicing?”
Kazuya gripped it and pulled it closer to his chin. “No, no. It’s fine.”
The older one shrugged his shoulders and as one of the choreographers came in he turned away.
They started the rehearsals and while that Kazuya cleared his head from everything else, just concentrated on his moves.
Since he’s been up so long the evening before he felt pretty tired after a while, so Kazuya sat down with an exhausted sigh when they had a lunch break.
“Kamenashi, we’re going to have Ramen down the street. You want to join us?” Takizawa asked in his friendly voice and Kazuya didn’t hesitate to nod.
After he had changed into his jeans, a shirt and a light jacket, he met the others at the corridor and together they made their way out of the building.
Not everyone was going along; it was just Takizawa, Yamashita, Matsumoto Jun and Nagase.
Except for Yamashita-kun he felt so much respect for the others, since they were his seniors, so he remained rather quiet.
They took seats at a huge table in the rather small Ramen shop and ordered.
It was Matsumoto who took out a magazine of his bag then and placed it in the middle of the table.
“Oh, good idea!” Nagase commented and grinned at him. Takizawa seemed to understand as well; even Yamashita, as Kazuya noticed then and frowned.
He took a closer look at the magazine and saw it was one for women what made him frown even more.
They were looking at women magazines in their breaks?
Matsumoto opened a random page and saying: “Ready, go!” everyone pointed at one of the girls.
Yamashita and Matsumoto had picked the same one and laughed at each other, starting to discuss why they had chosen her.
“But this one looks so much cuter. She has that curly hair.” Nagase pointed out at his choice.
Takizawa shook his head. “This one’s more the classical beauty. Long black hair, dark eyes. And so thin and small…”
Yamashita threw Kazuya a look. “Why didn’t you pick one?”
“Ah… well...” Kazuya looked at the pretty girls at those pages. They were all cute, of course, otherwise they wouldn’t have become models, but…
“Which one’s your type, Kamenashi?” Matsumoto asked and grinned. “I bet it’s this one.” He pointed at a cute brunette in a pink dress.
Kazuya just shook his head. He realized that he couldn’t pick one of the girls, since his ideal had changed lately. He had Jin, didn’t he? At the moment he didn’t have any interests in girls, not at all.
“Kamenashi-kun is picky, huh?” Takizawa stated and leaned in and looked closer at him. “Or is the reason that you have an image in your head?”
“Eh?” Puzzled, Kazuya looked at him.
“You have a girlfriend?” Yamashita asked and blinked.
“No.” Kazuya said immediately. “I don’t.”
“But you behave like that.” Nagase leaned against the back of his chair and observed Kazuya. “As if it gnaws at your coincidence to pick a girl…”
Yes, he had, Kazuya thought and stared at the magazine. He really felt bad for picking a girl when he thought about Jin. It made him realize how much he actually loved Jin. It was not just an innocent friendship that somehow got closer, more intimate even. He had deeper feelings for Jin, such feelings that made him miss him every second they were not together, that made him think of him in a way he wouldn’t think of a friend.
Feelings that made him think of kissing Jin, going further and undress him… feelings that not just involved love, pure and deep, but also passion, hot and compelling.
He wanted to be with Jin in that way; in exactly that way that lovers shared, not friends.
As they walked back to their rehearsals after they’d finished their lunch, Kazuya fell back behind the others. He was caught up in his thoughts, getting more and more upset about things between him and Jin.
Nothing was clear. They were just walking in a pace that left everything between them open.
Did Jin love him? Did Jin want him the same way he wanted the dark brunette?
Was he just a close friend to Jin, probably something like a brother he could hold on to, open himself up to?
Kazuya didn’t want things to be that way.
He had to sort it out between them, show Jin how he felt for him.
He loved Jin. The rest was not important; was just details.
Jin had quite a busy day himself. He didn’t have much time to even think about Kazuya and if he was honest to himself he appreciated it.
His feelings were confusing and straining. Thinking about them made him feel tired and also missing Kazuya.
It was pathetic how much he missed the brunette, since he had just seen him this morning.
So, as Jin came home from work he didn’t give Kazuya a call, just to prove himself he didn’t need to. He was completely fine without the brunette. He could be on his own.
He didn’t have to use every free minute of his time to spend it with Kazuya.
But, Jin thought and sighed, god damn it; he really wanted to.
Since his mother was at work now he prepared himself some food for dinner; just some plain white rice and tea. He wasn’t that hungry and eating alone wasn’t enjoyable anyways.
He switched on the TV and watched a show while Pin was dozing next to him.
As the door bell rang he frowned and wondered if he should just ignore it, but then he got to his feet as the ringing didn’t stop.
It probably was something important.
Opening the door, he saw Kazuya, but before he could ask what was up, the younger one had his arms tangled around Jin’s collar and brushed their lips together.
How could he resist? Jin just returned the kiss at first, but then noticed--- smelled, tasted, felt--- the desperation in Kazuya’s kiss.
He slowly drew him back and his eyes were asking when he looked at Kazuya while he closed the door. “What happened?”
Kazuya got out of his shoes and turned, not able to face Jin. “I’ve been missing you” he said quietly.
Jin felt his heart skip a beat and he gently took Kazuya’s hand to lead him inside. He switched off the TV, forgot about his meal and just tugged Kazuya with him to his room.
The younger one followed in silence, upset, pouting. Jin hadn’t answered; his feelings were one-sided, apparently.
But then Jin turned to him as they stood in his room. He gently brushed his hand over Kazuya’s cheek and smiled. “I guess I’ve missed you, too; way too much.”
The younger one stared at him with big eyes first, then all his anger and desperation came back. So, Jin had those feelings for him after all?
“I couldn’t pick a girl.” He said out loud, still staring into Jin’s eyes.
“What?”
“I couldn’t pick one. Everyone picked one, at each single page. But I couldn’t.” His voice nearly cracked. “I couldn’t, since I don’t want any girl, any model, any cute or pretty one. I don’t care.”
Jin frowned. “Aha?”
“I was thinking of you, Jin. It’s you I want.”
Jin had no idea what Kazuya was talking about, but that last sentence said everything important. He couldn’t answer, though, since in the next moment Kazuya had brushed their lips together again.
His lips were so soft, so giving. His sigh as his body molded to his; just like music, Jin thought. Kazuya’s hands brushed his face and through his hair as the older one circled them towards the bed.
It was dark when they lowered, but even so, Jin could see Kazuya’s face, his expression of complete trust, of faith and in his eyes he could see his love and desire. He could see the gleam of those eyes in the dark, the curve of Kazuya’s cheek; feel the shape of his lips and the beat of his heart, fast and pounding, against his own.
Kazuya shifted, kneeling to unbutton Jin’s shirt. Lightly, his fingertips grazed down his sides as his mouth brushed, his tongue slicked along the skin. He felt Jin’s muscles quiver as he trailed those slow open mouthed kisses over his belly, as he flipped open the button of the jeans.
Kazuya wanted him to quiver more.
He eased the zipper down, a slick hiss of sound in the dark, and drew denim down those narrow hips. Jin couldn’t hold back a moan as Kazuya lowered his head again.
Too fast, he thought; this was happening too fast. Hadn’t they just been kissing a few minutes ago?
How came Kazuya’s lips were already down there?
Kazuya ruled his body. His mouth and hands guided him slowly, inexorably into a rocking sea of heat until he was drenched in it, drowned. And when Jin’s blood began to burn under his skin, Kazuya shifted once more.
He heard the soft rustle as Kazuya undressed himself.
Not right, Jin thought, trying to catch his breath as he sat up. It was not right this way. He should be the one, undressing Kazuya, pleasuring him as well.
He slowly got to his knees and reached out for the brunette, drew him into another kiss. Slowly he ran his tongue over Kazuya’s, cupped the back of his head to bring him to his mouth.
He just didn’t want it to end too soon. He wanted to extend it, wanted this to last for hours, the whole night, forever.
His hand found their way beneath Kazuya’s shirt, lifted it and his lips brushed down from those soft lips to his neck, his collarbone, gently nipping it, before he removed the shirt completely, pulled it over Kazuya’s head.
Kneeling in front of each other, Jin took Kazuya’s face in his hands and robbed him one of those slow, long, seductive kisses once more. The younger one’s sigh against his lips made him smile and his touches even gentler.
He pressed Kazuya back against the cushions, pinning his arms to the bed, while his lips brushed over his neck again, down, further and further.
Jin took his time to discover. He had seen Kazuya’s body for several times, so he didn’t need more light than he had then. The dim light of the dying evening spilled over that soft skin that was covered in a thin film of sweat and Jin used his senses to find what his eyes couldn’t see. The smell of shampoo in that hazel hair; the taste of Kazuya’s skin where he hadn’t tasted him before; the feeling of his complete dedication to Jin.
His tongue flicked over the bare skin of Kazuya’s chest while his hand found its way down to the slim hips, tugging the trousers down, to expose more of that warm skin.
A brush, a taste, a bare whisper of torturous contact, even when Kazuya’s arms locked around his neck, even when his needy body pressed to Jin’s. Once again, the easy touch, the easy taste, left him drained and dazzled.
Jin loved the light tremor that ran through the younger male, the sound of his breath quickening and the look of him, flushed, and just a little anxious.
He watched Kazuya’s face as he stripped him slowly off of his remaining clothes; he watched his face when he got rid of his own.
Kazuya felt as if he moved through warm, soft water. His heart thudded, slow and hard, as Jin’s body slid up on him, as his lips brushed his again. Those lips, Jin’s hands played over him, tirelessly, relentlessly. Kazuya had no defence against them, against his own need, and wanted none. He arched to Jin, thrilled to the steady greed of his lips, of his tongue.
He worked down Kazuya, coating him with pleasure until he drew the matching lace away and exposed him.
Kazuya cried out, shocked, his hands fisting in the sheets for purchase as Jin took him into his mouth. It was too hot, too much. He was caught in it, a mad spin that dragged him under to where his feelings whirled hot and fast.
Instinctively, Jin took hold of Kazuya’s hips, he closed his eyes and moved his head, slowly first. It was different from everything he had experienced, felt and tasted before. It felt different, but it felt so right.
Jin felt his own heartbeat quickening when Kazuya ached his back, moaned out, mewled even and his arousal began to pound. Heat was building up inside of him and he knew they had to end it.
Kazuya wouldn’t be able to keep himself from cumming much longer and Jin didn’t want him to hold back any longer. He titled his head a bit, his hand was wrapped around the base of Kazuya’s length and he gently nipped it, before he took it back into his mouth and sucked hard.
Kazuya gasped, lifted his hips and even when he sobbed out Jin’s name, the older one didn’t stop. He felt like going mad, but he absolutely loved it, the way Jin touched him; it was possessive, protective, and in a way even intoxicating. He sighed pleasantly, shivering badly as his lover swallowed around him.
He didn’t have much of a chance to warn the older male, though, but somehow he knew he wouldn’t pull back anyways. He was stroking the base of Kazuya’s cock, and just slightly pulling back to take in all of his semen.
Afterwards, Kazuya was panting, feeling Jin’s heavy breath against his one thigh, his head resting on the other one. He kept his eyes closed, feeling still so hot, exhausted and drained.
His hand curled into Jin’s hair, finding it a little wet, and for a moment they stayed like that, peaceful and as close as possible.
Then Kazuya’s eyes flew open and he managed to sit up, forcing Jin into a sitting position as well.
He swallowed thickly before he looked down and found that Jin was still aroused; of course, he thought and leaned in. Gently he took Jin’s face into his hands and brushed their lips together, making a surprised noise at his own taste on Jin’s lips and tongue. He occupied him with his lips, made him kiss Kazuya back, and enjoyed the play of their tongues, while his hands slid down Jin’s chest, dragging out noises of pleasure and approval from him.
It was Jin who broke the kiss, his breath getting too heavy to keep it up. As he rested his head on Kazuya’s shoulder, the younger one tightened his grip around Jin’s length and nuzzled and kissed the side of his lover’s face.
He looked down, watching his hand as he moved it over his lover's shaft, swiping his thumb over the dewing tip before sliding back down over the hot flesh. He heard Jin mewl silently, before he bit down Kazuya’s shoulder, forcing a hissing gasp out of the younger one, before his body tensed and he came.
Both panting badly, they remained as they were. Kazuya’s hand slid from Jin’s length to the sheets, and he raised his other one to press it against Jin’s back, pulling him closer.
Jin gently nipped at the red marks his teeth had left in the soft skin of Kazuya’s shoulder, soothing it with tender blows.
That wasn’t bad for the first time, Jin thought, before he lifted his head and drew Kazuya closer, embraced him. He tangled his fingers into the soft strands of brown hair and soothed the younger one in his arms. “You’re okay?”
Kazuya nodded, pressing his face to Jin’s neck. “I’m feeling much better now.”
“You’ve been planning this?”
“Sort of.” Kazuya answered, feeling exhausted and sleepy. Jin’s scent was enclosing him and he felt light, balanced, astonished even. “Jin…”
Deciding that it was time to move, Jin drew back a little, just to tug Kazuya down with him, until they both were lying on his bed, facing each other. Now their faces were close, so close, the rich, golden brown of Kazuya’s eyes mesmerized him. And it just needed that one look to know what the brunette was about to say.
“I love you.” Jin said out loud, before Kazuya could say it and saw those mesmerizing eyes staring at him, simply staring.
Then Kazuya shifted closer, brushed his lips against Jin’s and smiled. He nuzzled against him, curled up against Jin’s chest, as their legs tangled and he felt comfortable enough to have a short slumber.
Jin pulled the blankets over them and closed his arms around the younger one then, staring at the wall while he watched over Kazuya’s sleep.
Still waiting for an answer to those words.