Drowned in Silence /// Sixth Word: Complicated
banner by naomi0211 ♥♥♥
Title: Drowned in Silence /// Words we could never find ///
Pairing: Akanishi Jin x Kazuya Kamenashi //Akame//
Genre: AU!!!, Romance, Angst
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. I don't make profit with this. The plot is mine and I DO NOT COPY anyone's writing.
Summary: It's been more than two years, since they had decided to part ways. Now, they meet, their paths cross again and Kazuya and Jin are confronted with memories of that one week they once shared. But probably, nothing has changed; they are probably still the same --- unable to find the words that would make their paths become one. A/N: English isn't my mother tongue, but I lived in the UK for quite a time, so I basically write and speak well. You're welcome to correct any mistakes, though. Of course.
A/N#2: This is a Sequel to Seven Days, you should have read that multichapter to understand this, I guess.
Ha. Free time... I have all the time I want to write <3
So, yesterday I had this idea, so I typed it out and look... here we are!
No, this seriously becomes a drama. Really. But I liked the idea, I love things being complicated and this is getting so complicated ♥
Don't know if it still makes sense, but it's for naomi0211 , because I feel this is what she would like to read :) I Love you, honey <3333
Previous Chapters:
Prologue
First Word: Remember
Second Word: Oblivion
Third Word: Attraction
Fourth Word: Unsteady
Fifth Word: Weak
Sixth Word: Complicated
A loud noise from outside woke Jin.
He slowly blinked his eyes open and closed them again, as he realised his situation. He nuzzled closer against Kazuya’s back, ran the hand of his left arm, which Kazuya used as his pillow, through the soft mess of brunette.
Somewhere beneath that heavy smell of cigarette smoke he could still find Kazuya’s very own scent of lemon and something sweet, probably like honey. Jin buried his nose in it, placed a kiss to Kazuya’s nape.
Kazuya stirred in his arms, sighed slightly.
“I need a glass of water, a long, hot shower and an aspirin.”
Jin chuckled slightly. “You definitely drank too much.”
“How come you’re doing well, while I’m suffering like this?” Kazuya had not yet opened his eyes; the feeling of Jin holding him close was just too comfortable to ruin it like that.
“I’m not doing that well, either”, Jin admitted and ran his lips up to Kazuya’s ear, taking in the salty taste.
“Then, we’ll better just stay like this. The day’s over, however.”
Jin threw a look at his alarm clock, saw it was already past four in the afternoon. “It’s quite nice how it is now, isn’t it?”
Kazuya made an agreeing, humming sound. “We could just get back to sleep.”
Jin made his head comfortable at the pillow again. “That’s a great idea.”
It didn’t take a minute for both of them to fall asleep again.
When Jin woke up for the second time that day, the sun stood low already and the noises outside were a lot quieter.
Kazuya had turned to him, his arm possessively over Jin’s waits, while Jin was lying on his stomach.
He watched Kazuya’s sleeping face for a moment, then his sight was caught by the necklace around his collar. Jin hadn’t noticed it the night before, but now he did, recognised the pendant of shooting stars.
Reaching out his hand, he took it between his fingers and played with the cool metal for a moment, just until Kazuya blinked his eyes open and watched him with a sleepy look.
“You’re wearing my necklace.”
Kazuya slowly shrugged a shoulder. “You gave it back, after all.”
“If I sleep any longer now, I’ll stay awake for at least the next two days”, Jin said, without answering Kazuya’s comment.
Smiling slightly, Kazuya nodded. “I still need a glass of water and a shower. My head feels better by now.”
Jin moved first, sat up, ruffling his hair, before he looked down at Kazuya. “Crap, we’ve really been drunk.”
Kazuya avoided his look and pressed his lips together. “We made out in a public bathroom”, he murmured.
“We had enough decency to go home, before any more could happen.”
“The others most likely saw us leaving.”
Jin ran a hand over his face. “Is that a problem?”
“They know you have a girlfriend, don’t they?” Kazuya rolled to his back, entangling himself from the mess of sheets.
Jin didn’t answer that, as he got out of bed. He opened his wardrobe and pulled out two pairs of boxers and sweatpants, throwing one of each at Kazuya. Then he made his way to his kitchen, filling a glass with water.
When he came back, dressed in only boxers, he handed the glass to the younger one, who had just pulled his pair over.
“Why don’t you stay another night?”
The question remained between them for a moment, then Kazuya looked up at Jin, nipping his water. “I’d like to.”
Jin smiled softly, leaned in then to take a gentle kiss. “Then stay.”
“Jin…”, Kazuya sighed, knowing he’d destroy the sweet atmosphere.
“I can sense the problems coming.”
“You cheated on your girlfriend.”
“That’s my problem, isn’t it?” Kazuya just looked at him with those eyes and Jin sighed, took the glass to put it to the night stand. “Listen, this has nothing to do with you. She’s nice and I like her, but I don’t want her the way I want you.”
“That’s something nice to say, Jin”, Kazuya murmured. “But we had sex and she’s going to…”
“That was just practise, wasn’t it?”
Kazuya raised his look to Jin’s eyes and frowned.
“We didn’t actually do it; you could call it practise again.”
“Jin.”
“So, even though it wasn’t different this time, you suddenly view it that serious”, Jin asked and got up again, moving through his room.
Kazuya watched him. “You’re still hurting over that. I am sorry”, he said lowly. “I should not have reduced it like that back then.”
Jin didn’t answer.
Remaining silent, as well, Kazuya kept watching Jin’s moves, stayed in bed.
“You know, that time, when we first… when we did it, back then, I seriously thought you were the one. You’re a boy and all, and I was scared, too, but I was sure things were going to be fine, because it was you and I really thought I’d love you.”
Kazuya bit his lower lip, looked at the sheets. “You thought?”
“I did love you”, Jin corrected himself and turned to Kazuya, waiting.
Kazuya looked up at him, nodded. “You know I felt the same. I told you that day.” He took a deep breath. “And I didn’t get over it, Jin, otherwise I wouldn’t be here right now.”
Nodding, Jin came back to the bed, sat down. “Then don’t make this complicated. We have feelings for each other, still, we want each other, still. That’s a good start, isn’t it?”
Kazuya took Jin’s hand, pulled him back down. “It is”, he agreed. “I want you, but I want it all, Jin. This time, I really want all of it.”
“Then…”
“Don’t”, Kazuya protested and gave Jin a stern look. “Don’t promise anything you can’t keep. I can’t have all of it, Jin, as long as you’re giving a part of yourself to someone else.”
Jin smiled slightly. “You’re selfish.”
“I’m not going to share you, Jin.”
Nodding, Jin reached out one hand to stroke over Kazuya’s cheek. “You’re exceptionally often using my name today.”
Kazuya smiled. “Don’t change the topic. This is serious.”
“You worry too much.”
“I had sex with you in the bed you usually sleep in with that girl”, Kazuya pointed out.
“She never sleeps here. I haven’t slept with her, either, if that’s what you were thinking.” Jin’s hand cupped Kazuya’s jaw.
“This just makes me feel even more uncomfortable.” The younger one kicked off the blanket completely and shifted to kneel in front of Jin. “When you said you hadn’t kissed her yet, you ran off the next day to do exactly that.”
Jin laughed softly. “I won’t do that this time.”
“I am tired of asking you again and again, but…” Kazuya leaned in, caught Jin’s lip in a short kiss. “Break up with her, Jin?”
Jin brought his hands to Kazuya’s waist. “You’re really sincere this time? Not leaving me behind, heartbroken and alone?”
Kazuya shook his head, deepening the kiss. “Jin.”
Without breaking the kiss, Jin got up and pulled Kazuya with him, the younger one was all too eager to follow him. “You’ve wanted a shower, didn’t you?”
“You’re avoiding answering me.”
Jin opened the door to the bathroom and smirked at Kazuya. “You’re distracting me, after all.”
“Just say you’ll do that for me”, Kazuya asked him and pushed Jin away. “Otherwise I can’t have you touch me again. I’m not out of my senses anymore, Jin.”
“I liked you out of your senses”, Jin commented.
Kazuya rolled his eyes. “Did you listen to me?”
Jin pulled him closer again. “I did and I would really like to touch you again. In there”, he added and pointed at the shower.
“You think you’ll get weak again, when you meet her and try to break up”, Kazuya realised, looking sad. “Is she that special?”
“Kazuya”, Jin said, finally using his name, as well. “Stop thinking about her all the time.”
“I can’t. If you’re not thinking of her at all, then someone has to.”
“I’m thinking of you”, Jin just answered.
“That’s all great and I’m happy you do, but, Jin”, Kazuya added and framed his face, “what you’re doing is terribly wrong.”
“I told you, that’s my problem.”
“Then solve it.”
Jin took Kazuya’s wrists, stared into his eyes, determined and clear. “I’ll solve it. In my way.”
Kazuya wanted to answer, but didn’t get that far, as Jin kissed him, distracted his thoughts. He just feared Jin’s way wouldn’t solve anything.
Kazuya couldn’t reject him, though.
He spent another night, even though Jin had dropped the topic completely.
Instead, they ate dinner together, both with wet hair and wearing sweatpants and shirts. Kazuya eyed the one Jin had given him, frowning at the phrase it had printed on.
“I’m fucked up”, he read out loud and threw Jin a look. “Why would you buy a shirt like this?”
Jin shrugged and put two bowls of rice to the table. “It’s funny.”
Kazuya shook his head, but pulled the shirt over, nevertheless.
The next morning, they both woke up quite early, spending some more time cuddling and exchanging kisses, while they talked about random things.
Until Kazuya’s mobile rang and reminded both of them that there was a world outside. He got out of bed and searched for his mobile in his jeans, picked up then, before it stopped ringing.
“Ah, Yuya”, he answered and made his way back to the bed. Jin pulled him close against his chest, ran his lips over Kazuya’s neck and shoulders.
“Where are you, Kame?” Tegoshi sounded worried. “You disappeared last night and you didn’t pick up your phone.”
“Sorry”, Kazuya said and leaned against Jin. “I should have called you, at least.”
“I’ve been to your flat just now. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, sure.”
It was quiet for a moment, then Tegoshi asked: “Is it a coincidence Akanishi disappeared at the same time?”
Kazuya waited for a moment, threw a look back at Jin. “No.”
“So, you’re with him?”
“I’m at his place, yeah.”
Tegoshi took a deep breath, sounding relieved. “Okay.”
“Yuya…”
“Yeah, I know. I won’t tell anyone. But he should call Yamapi, he’s been worrying, too.”
“I’ll tell him.”
“Okay, then… I actually wanted to ask you a favour.”
Kazuya blinked, tilted his head, while Jin was now placing kisses between his shoulder blades. “What is it?”
“I’m going to meet Mirai today”, Tegoshi told him calmly. “Why don’t you come with me?”
Kazuya was quiet for a moment. “You want me to meet her?”
“She’s going to be happy to meet you. After all, we always spent so much time back then. It’ll be nice to talk about old times.”
Knowing, he shouldn’t say no, Kazuya bit his lip, instinctively took Jin’s hand that lay over his stomach. “Okay. When?”
“At two, in the usual café.”
“I’ll see you there”, Kazuya agreed and then hung up, turning back to Jin.
“You’ll meet him later”, the older one asked.
Kazuya nodded. “Yeah, we’re going to meet… an old friend from school.” He thought about telling Jin, but he figured it probably wasn’t a good idea.
Jin nodded. “Will you come back tonight?”
“I don’t think so.”
“But…”
“Meet up with her, while I’m gone, Jin. Tell her you’re over, tell her the truth and I’ll be back tonight.”
Jin sighed. “Alright, fine.”
Kazuya smiled slightly, before he leaned in and kissed Jin, wondering why exactly he just couldn’t get enough of it. “I need to leave now.”
“Okay”, Jin murmured, but pulled him closer again to run his tongue over those lips, tasting them.
Twenty minutes later, they stood at the door; Kazuya had all of his things, looking quite decent, even though his shirt had quite some wrinkles.
“I’ll call you”, he said and opened the door.
Jin didn’t say a thing, he just watched Kazuya leave, disappearing to the stair case, before he closed the door and leaned against it with a heavy sigh.
He walked back in and decided to clean up first. He was in the mood for that right now, so he took the clothes they had spread all over his floor and put them to the laundry, as well as the towels they had used.
Then he washed the dishes, cleaned his kitchen and then even dusted his room.
As he was done, Jin looked through it, everything was clean and tidy, except for his bed. He wanted to change the sheets, wash them with his clothes, but as he lifted the blanket, he noticed the scent. It actually wasn’t a fresh and nice smell, but it smelled of smoke and dirt and sex and reminded him of everything that had happened.
It smelled of them.
Jin sighed and opened the buttons, pulling it off of the blanket. He couldn’t leave it like that.
As he had put everything into the washing machine, he took a shower, cleaned his bathroom then, before he dressed properly and changed his sheets.
Now, everything was looking proper and nice and Jin sat at the small table in the middle of his room, staring through it.
Every trace of Kazuya was gone; he couldn’t smell him anymore, fresh air was bringing in the scent from the city through his open window.
Only then, Jin took his mobile and dialled Mirai’s number in, tapping his fingers on the wooden surface of the table, until she picked up.
“Jin”, she greeted him warmly.
“Hey”, he said. “Are you free right now?”
“Yeah, sure.” Her voice sounded amused. “Did you miss me?”
Jin closed his eyes, suddenly feeling guilt. “Of course. How are you doing?”
“I’m doing fine. I’ll meet up with friends later.”
“So, you don’t have time to see me today?”
She hummed. “How about I come over this evening?”
Jin remained silent for a moment. “I cleaned my flat today. I hope it stays that tidy and clean until then.”
Mirai laughed. “I’m counting on you. I’ll hurry, so I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Alright, I’ll be here, just drop by whenever you can.”
For a moment, both of them didn’t say any more, then Mirai said: “I’m looking forward to that.”
It took him some courage, but after a second, Jin answered her with “Me, too”, not sure if he really meant it, though.
Kazuya didn’t know why, but he was nervous.
His hands were shaking and cold and he just wanted to turn around again and leave. He was already late, because it had taken him quite some time to find the courage to leave.
Now, he was on his way, just a few minutes away from the café and he felt his nerves going blank.
When he reached it, he took a deep breath, before he opened the door, the sound of the bells above it ringing in his ears.
Kazuya saw her immediately.
She sat at a table for four, smiling brightly, Tegoshi across from her. In her hand she held a cup, most likely some fruity tea; her nails were perfectly manicured.
She had changed so much, was the first thing that crossed Kazuya’s mind.
Her hair had been much shorter, straight and black, when he had last seen her, now it was so very long and brown and curled. She wore a dress with flower print and a jeans vest and next to her cup at the table she had placed her hat.
Kazuya wanted to turn and leave again, but in that moment, she looked over and spotted him, her look confused, slightly puzzled as she mustered him.
Tegoshi turned and saw him, too, so Kazuya didn’t have a choice but to go over.
“Kame”, Tegoshi greeted him and got up. “I thought you wouldn’t come.”
“I’m sorry, I’m late”, he apologized.
“It’s fine”, Mirai said and Kazuya felt it going through his mark and bones. Her voice was still the same.
“You look pretty”, he said, honestly. She was pretty.
Mirai smiled and shook her head. “Thank you.”
“Mirai was just telling me about her classes in university”, Tegoshi informed Kazuya and waited for a moment, as the waitress came to take his order. “She’s taking international business.”
Kazuya blinked at her. “Really?”
“It’s quite fun”, she just said and smiled, taking another sip of her tea. “And you’re still doing baseball?”
Kazuya nodded. “I made it into the university’s A team. Right now, I’m aiming for the national team.”
“You’re working hard”, Mirai noticed. “I’m happy it worked out. For both of you.”
Tegoshi grinned. “So, you already have a boyfriend here, Mirai?”
“Yuya”, Kazuya mumbled.
She laughed and Kazuya had to admit the sound was just adorable. Soft and quiet. “It’s alright”, she said then and looked down at her cup, while the waitress placed an iced coffee in front of Kazuya. “He’s an upperclassman at university.”
“I see”, Tegoshi said and leaned back.
They kept talking for a little longer and Kazuya had to admit the atmosphere was nice. They easily fell back to the routine they had had years ago, when they had still been in middle school, spending each day together.
After a few hours, Tegoshi looked at his watch and suddenly got up quickly, excusing himself.
“I need to meet Tomo now, I promised to see him today, before work”, he said and left some money on the table, getting his things together. “Mirai-chan, let’s definitely meet again, okay?”
She nodded, making her curls swing slightly. “Definitely.”
Kazuya looked after his friend, frowned over the strange nickname he had used for Yamashita, but then turned back to Mirai. “Do you have anywhere else to be today, too?”
She shook her head. “Not really.”
“So, how about, we’ll walk for a while and I’ll bring you home?”
Mirai emptied her cup in one go as an answer, making Kazuya laugh.
They left the café and walked around town without an aim, talking about past days, remembering the time they had spent together.
Kazuya told her about the time he spent already in Tokyo, about places she had to visit by all means and she told him about old friends, about what everyone had decided to do after graduation.
“So, you’re still in contact with Rina-chan?”
Mirai adjusted her white bag over her shoulder. “Of course, we’re best friends.”
“It’s nice you guys keep in touch.”
“You’re still in touch with Tegoshi, too, aren’t you?”
Kazuya laughed. “We’re attending the same university, after all.”
She fell silent for a moment, then she raised her look to Kazuya and smiled slightly. “We should have kept in contact, too.”
Kazuya didn’t know what to answer for a moment - it made him speechless, the way she looked at him, the way she smiled so sadly, full of regrets.
“I’m happy I met you again.”
That made him smile and before he could even process what he was doing, he pulled her close into an embrace. She still was the same; natural and pure, so innocent in all her ways.
Mirai made a surprised noise, but she returned it, held him in response, her hands lightly placed over Kazuya’s back.
Only then, he realised what he was doing and gently pushed her away, withdrew and lowered his head, apologizing. “Sorry, I…”
Shaking her head, Mirai ran her hand down his arm to his hand, holding it for a moment. “It’s okay.”
Kazuya lifted his head and looked at her face, saw she was still smiling so softly at him.
“I’ll take the train here”, she said and took a step back.
“Shall I…”
Mirai shook her head. “It’s fine, from here it’s not far, you don’t have to come along.”
Kazuya just nodded again, swallowed thickly.
“Can we meet again?”
He was surprised that she was the one asking for it, since it had been on his mind, as well. So, Kazuya nodded again, cleared his throat. “Of course.”
She smiled happily at him, stepped closer and leaned in to gently kiss his cheek. “Then, I’ll see you, Kazuya.”
He watched her turn and leave, felt the skin over his cheek tingle, where she had kissed it. She disappeared into the subway and Kazuya tilted his head back, letting go of his breath.
This could not have happened, could it?
He was confused, shaken up inside, didn’t know what to think and where to turn to.
She had a boyfriend, didn’t she? So, why was she acting that way? Why was she so familiar was him, why was she smiling like that, open like that?
And why was he reacting to her in that way, when he thought the only one he really wanted was Jin?
Kazuya turned and looked down the street, people passing him, being busy, not even looking at him. He stared down the road, tried to figure out where to go.
What the hell was happening to him?
Jin was proud how his flat was still looking tidy, even though he had spent all day inside. He hadn’t been that hungry, actually, his stomach felt sick, when he thought of eating, so his kitchen was still looking perfectly clean.
It was just the fact that he would have to break up with Mirai later, and she didn’t even know what was going on.
She would come here in expectation of a nice evening, of them probably having dinner together and cuddle up on Jin’s bed, while watching a movie or just talking.
Instead, he would break her heart.
Jin looked up from the TV, as his mobile rang and took it from the table, saw the display flashing Kazuya’s name.
“Hey”, he answered. “You’re calling early, I haven’t yet…”
“Jin”, it was just a muffled sound, quiet and weak and it immediately alarmed Jin.
“Kazuya, are you okay? Where are you?”
“Did you talk to her already?”
Jin frowned. “No, she’s coming over sometime later, I’ll…”
“Don’t break up with her.” Kazuya’s voice sounded a bit too emotionless.
“Kazuya?” Jin turned off the TV. “What happened?”
“I lied to you”, Kazuya said and for a moment, it was silent. Then: “I met her.”
Jin’s heart dropped down to his knees, as he was thinking Kazuya was talking about Mirai. “You… You met her?”
“Tegoshi asked me to come along and I thought it’d be okay. But it wasn’t”, Kazuya added.
Jin’s heart beat got back to it’s usual pace. “Oh, her. That girl from Yokohama.”
“I embraced her”, Kazuya said directly. “I embraced her and when she asked me to meet her again, I agreed.”
“Kazuya”, Jin said calmly. “That’s fine. You just embraced her, that’s nothing.”
It remained silent, before Kazuya said: “I’m not like you. I don’t consider two-timing as an option for me. It’s worse enough I helped you do that. But I won’t two-time on you. What, if next time, I see her, more happens? What if we kiss?”
“You can’t know that yet”, Jin just said. “You’re not two-timing, Kazuya. You just met an old friend.”
“An old friend I had a serious crush on and never really got over?”
Jin fell silent. “What is this? You want to end what we just started, just to find out if you can’t make up with her, after all?”
“I can’t start something with you, as long as I plan to meet her again.”
“I told you, Kazuya, you can’t know, if anything…”
“I want to, Jin”, Kazuya interrupted him. “I want to find out, if there’s anything between us.”
“Kazuya…”
“You’re doing the same, aren’t you? You can’t let go of that girl, because you don’t know if it’s the one, big love you might give up there.”
It was true, Jin knew that. But he didn’t want to give up Kazuya, either. “How can you change your mind in just a few hours? This morning, you were still so sure about what you wanted.”
“You’re indecisive, Jin. You couldn’t promise me to break up with your girlfriend for me.” Kazuya took a deep breath. “I won’t do the same to you, Jin. As long as I don’t know what I truly feel for her and if she’s probably, after all, the one I want, I won’t start anything with you. I don’t want to be like you, just giving half of myself to you.”
“I never…”
“You did, Jin”, Kazuya interrupted his words. “And I just don’t want to do the same thing. I’ll find out, what it is I want.”
Jin frowned. “Then, don’t expect me to still want you, when you found out”, he said coldly.
“You better find out what you want yourself”, Kazuya just said, his tone sad, hurt.
Jin wanted to say some more, but someone knocked his door. “I have to hang up. She’s here.”
Kazuya didn’t answer for a second, then he said in that soft and hurt voice: “I’m sorry, Jin.”
“Kazuya…”, he started in a gentle tone, but the younger one hung up on him and he cursed slightly, as he walked to the door, opening it.
Jin didn’t have time to even process what was happening, before Mirai lay in his arms, holding him tight. He looked down at her, puzzled. “Mirai?”
She nuzzled close, her face against his shoulder.
Jin put his hands to her back, gently running his fingers down her spine. “What’s up?”
Shaking her head, Mirai clutching her fingers into his shirt, sighed slightly. “I just figured I shouldn’t let go of you.”
It went straight through Jin, somewhere into his mind, into his heart, making his hands even gentler, as he wrapped his arms around her.
Whatever had driven her into his arms, Jin was glad she was exactly there right now.
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And there... the circle closes again. They'll never make it, if it keeps going like this.
But, well... haha, they don't know yet about Mirai... *löl* DRAMA!!! ♥
Thanks a lot for reading :D <333