Fade Into The Background Chapter 4
Banner by naomi0211 ♥
Title: Fade into the Background //You can't lose what you never had//
Pairing: Akanishi Jin X Kamenashi Kazuya (Akame to make it short XD) //KAT-TUN//
Genre: Romance, some Angst, lots of Fluff
Warnings: None. It's all safe.
Disclamer: Do not own them. If anybody I'd like to own Ueda. But well... one can't have everything, right?
Summary: Kazuya is getting married and while watching him from the background Jin suddenly remembers their story. His thoughts are going back in time and he starts to regret and realize....
A/N: First of all: English isn't my mother tongue, but I tried my best and since I'm living in the UK at the moment I'm pretty much used to write and speak it. But you're welcome to correct mistakes.
This chap is a little hard on Kame, but... well, it brings him closer to Jin.
Hope you like it <3
Previous Chapters:
Prologue
First Memory: A Winter Illusion
Second Memory: All I want for Christmas
Third Memory: Broken Promise
Fourth Memory: Losing Faith
If he was asked who was his favourite Sempai Kazuya would certainly have answered with Takizawa Hideaki’s name. He was smart, he was cool, always nice and encouraging and on top of that he was the boy in JE everyone admired. He was an idol for everyone and become like him was definitely something Kazuya was aiming for.
Mostly photo shootings were boring and Kazuya got easily weary, but right now all his attention was paid to the man in front of the camera.
They were giving an interview and he managed to answer, but his eyes were always flickering to the older male.
He tried to remember all his moves, looks and acting. It was amazing how confident he looked, the photographer didn’t have to tell him how to move or where to look; he just did it intentionally right.
“Kame, are you listening?” Someone tugged his sleeve and he turned his head surprised to Jin who was sitting beside him.
“Nani?”
“I asked” the interviewer said annoyed. “What your most important memory from the countdown was.”
“Oh…” Kazuya looked at the other ones, as if he wanted to know what they had answered; of course he hadn’t heard it. “I’d say working with all the Sempais was just great. We don’t often have the chance to be on stage with them. And also, performing in the Dome… that was incredible, ne~?”
The other boys nodded in agreement and Kazuya turned his head again, but the place in front of the camera was empty now and someone called them over, as it was time for them to take some photos.
Koki was the first and Nakamaru and Ueda remained at their chairs talking about something Kazuya couldn’t hear. But he heard them laughing quite often, so he was sure it wasn’t about something serious.
He glanced at Jin who was standing not that far away from him; Taguchi seemed to be asleep again.
Then someone else caught his attention again.
Takizawa came back to the room and sat down at the table were Ueda and Nakamaru were sitting. He started to talk to them and suddenly Kazuya regretted that he had left the table. If he had stayed there he could talk to him now, as well.
Jin noticed the younger one’s look and smiled a bit. He knew how much Kazuya admired their Sempai and how shy he was to talk to him. He always waited for Takizawa to come to him and talk to him.
“Why don’t you go over to them?” Jin asked and pointed in the direction of the table.
The brunette turned to him and smiled. “It’s okay; I’m the next for the photo shoot anyways.”
“Hm.” Was everything he got as an answer. Jin had dark hair again. He had just changed it a day before and Kazuya noticed once more that he liked it much better. It was almost black again.
They both hadn’t talked about the other day again. It’s been nearly two weeks now and they both just pretended it had never happened. But Kazuya was always thinking about if Jin was afraid of him now. After all he had begged him, Jin, to stay with him, for the whole night, in one bed.
Kazuya even blushed when he was just thinking about that. Of course that had reflected his feelings for Jin, but also he hadn’t planned to let the other know how he felt in that way. Since he wasn’t even sure how Jin felt for him.
The brunette could feel Jin’s eyes on him as he stepped in front of the camera and posed. His thoughts went back to that night and he gave the other male a look which was asking, unsure and pleading all at once. It was painful for his heart not to know how things between them were going; not knowing if things between them were still alright.
While thinking and worrying Kazuya didn’t even noticed that the photographer didn’t say one single word, didn’t give any orders to him. He just took his photos and after a while Kazuya was allowed to leave and Taguchi took his place.
“Not bad…” Jin just commented. “He didn’t need to tell you what to do; seems he was quite satisfied with you.”
Kazuya looked confused, a little bit puzzled in the direction of the set. “Really?”
“Of course you’re not doing as well as I do.”
The younger one grinned at him. “I’m much better than you are.”
“In your dreams.” Jin gave him one of his arrogant smiles.
“In my dreams---“
“Kamenashi-kun?” Someone interrupted them and made them both turn around.
“Takizawa-sempai!” Kazuya bowed and Jin stayed behind him, bowing slightly as well.
“Can I have a word?”
“With me?”
The older one nodded. “If you don’t mind.”
“Of course not!” Kazuya answered and looked at him with asking eyes. “What is it?”
“Alone.” Takizawa just said and turned around, expecting Kazuya to follow him.
Uncertain he looked at Jin but the taller one just waved him off. So he slowly followed Takizawa outside and rubbed his arms at the cold that suddenly hit him after he closed the door behind him.
Takizawa was sitting on the stairs and pointed beside him, for Kazuya to sit down.
“You’re doing really well, Kamenashi.” He praised him. “You’re working hard, you have charisma, and you’re the right one to become one of the best JE boys ever. I’m pretty sure.”
Kazuya blushed as he looked all stunned at his Sempai. “Uhm, well, thank you.”
For a moment Takizawa was silent then his hand took something out of his pocket. He held it to the younger one. “Want one?”
Kazuya lowered his gaze and his yes got wider as he noticed the cigarettes. “Those are…” His breath hitched. “We’re not allowed to smoke.” He answered automatically.
Takizawa just shortly laughed devaluating as he put the small package back. “So you do know the rules after all.”
Since he didn’t know what to say, the brunette just frowned at him.
“I saw you guys that night.”
His eyes widened again and his lips opened in a silent gasp.
“I really do see a bright future for you, Kamenashi-kun, but with things like that you risk a lot.” Takizawa said, refusing to look at him. “I’ve started to respect you a lot. You’re still so young, but to me you are the only one of the Juniors who is working hard enough to make it, to have a great debut and push forwards to become Japan’s number one. I’ve always thought you’ll surely be greater than me one day.” He sighed a bit and rubbed his hands as they got cold. “You can still make it, of course, but not if you’re imprudently like that. I know you guys are young and just boys. We were like that as well, but we tried it in secret, where we were not in danger of being caught.”
“It’s not like…” Kazuya started, but Takizawa made him stop with a single look.
“I don’t care what the reason was.” He simply said. “When I first noticed you guys I thought something like ‘Akame are so stupid; holding hands while being in a public place.’ And then you leaned your head at his shoulder while you guys were waiting for the lift.” He raised an eyebrow as Kazuya’s eyes got even wider. “I thought that was strange, but it got even more strange when also Nishikodo and Yamashita had to help to get you into the lift.”
“I… it was just… I didn’t…” Kazuya hasped with his words.
“As I’ve said, Kamenashi, I don’t care.” Takizawa stood up to get back inside again. “I’m disappointed of you. I’ve probably seen something in you, you don’t really have.”
Shocked Kazuya followed him with his eyes and before the older one closed the door behind himself he quickly got up. “Takizawa-sempai!”
The other one held back for a second, but didn’t turn around to him.
“I’m truly sorry! It’ll never happen again.” Kazuya said in a strong voice, fisting his hands because he was determined to win the other one’s respect back. “I have what you saw in me. I am capable of becoming the best!”
“Then stop making stupid mistakes and prove it.”
The door closed and Kazuya was left all alone in the cold outside. He stared at the door and felt like crying, but he pulled himself together, since he was at work. He had no time to feel pity for himself. After all Takizawa was right. It had been his mistake, he had been stupid, and so he had to live with the consequences now.
Kazuya truly wondered if his Sempai had told everything to Johnny. If he had Kazuya was in serious trouble. If not he should be grateful to him for giving him a second chance on showing how serious he was about his dream.
Slowly he went back inside and sat down beside Taguchi who was asleep again. Jin was in front of the camera at the moment and almost finished. Kazuya saw how Takizawa gave him a thumb up as he left and Jin smiled proudly.
Even though he didn’t want to Kazuya felt jealous because of that. Takizawa had praised him as well, but he didn’t want to be replaced as Takizawa’s number one Junior. Not even if it was Jin.
His friend came over and with a look at Junno he sat down beside Kazuya. “What did he want to talk to you about?”
“Nothing.” Kazuya answered, not looking at Jin.
Jin frowned at that answer. “Sure.”
The brunette gave him an upset look and stood up then. “It’s none of your business.”
With a raised eyebrow Jin watched him walking off and wondered what had happened. What was it Kazuya couldn’t talk about to him?
He had thought they could talk about everything.
But then again he remembered how Kazuya had leaned against him and had begged him to stay with him. There were probably a lot of things Jin didn’t know about him. There were probably a lot of things Kazuya didn’t dare to talk to him about; things concerning Jin.
It was late in the evening, almost night when Kazuya finally found himself stop walking. He couldn’t stay home; he was nervous and afraid. What if Johnny already knew? Would he punish him? Would he make him leave Johnny’s completely? How could he have been so stupid to drink that much? Just because his jealousy had overcome him? He should have known that they would have been seen by anyone. What if anyone else but Takizawa saw them?
All those questions were running through his head and he was too afraid to sleep, too afraid to even just sit still.
Now he raised his head, looking at the door in front of him.
He hadn’t planned to come here; his feet had just brought him here themselves. He knew it was the only place he could ever go when he was down and didn’t know where else to go. He knew the person behind the door would always be there for him.
He wanted to knock but suddenly the door opened. “Are you coming in or will you stay there forever?”
Kazuya just stared at Jin, not knowing what to say. Had the older one really known, really felt, that he, Kazuya, had been standing outside?
Jin sighed and took Kazuya’s hand to pull him inside.
As the door closed behind them Kazuya looked at their hands and then up to Jin’s face. “You’ve been holding my hand that night as well.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He said we were stupid to hold hands in a public place.”
Jin looked at him, puzzled. “Who? Takizawa?” He tilted his head a bit. “When did he see us holding…” then he noticed and gasped.
“He saw us. He knows.” Kazuya just said.
“That’s what he was talking about to you today?” Kazuya’s cold hand was still in his, but Jin somehow had become so used to it that he didn’t even noticed it. Kazuya on the other hand remembered every single time Jin had been holding his hand like this.
“He saw me.” Kazuya just repeated with a toneless voice.
“What did he say? Did someone else see it? Did he tell Johnny?”
Kazuya just shook his head and raised his shoulders. “He’s disappointed. I made him disappointed of me.” He closed the distance between them as he suddenly stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Jin’s neck. “Ne, Jin…” he whispered. “What if…?”
The older one felt him shaking and he knew Kazuya was afraid. This was his whole life; being an idol was his biggest dream and just thinking about it could be ruined just by that little mistake made Kazuya lose his nerves.
Jin slightly shook his head and pulled the younger one closer. “He won’t do that. Takizawa isn’t like that. He has faith in you.” He leaned back to look into Kazuya’s face. “He knows you’re going to debut soon; we’ll all debut soon, I’m sure. Because we’re good. He knows it’ll be a big loss if you’d be out of Johnny’s.”
Kazuya knew that that was the reason why he’d come here. He needed someone to reassure him that everything was going to be alright. It was pathetic of him to do that, he knew that, but he couldn’t stop himself from doing so.
Jin was the only person he was able to lean on; only when Jin said everything was fine he could believe it.
“Kazuya…” Jin gently stroked his cheek with his thumb as he saw how his friend was still fighting with himself, was still worrying over what had happened. “Don’t worry; everything’s going to be fine.”
Kazuya raised his head and looked into Jin’s eyes.
It really was pathetic, but he felt his heart feeling not that heavy anymore; he felt better, more confident that things would work out for him.
He nodded slightly before he leaned against Jin again and yelped silently as the other one hold him close in response.
Even if everything around him was going down, Kazuya was sure this would always remain; he could always retreat into Jin’s arms.