Seven Days /// Tuesday: What you don't see

[green_feelings]

Kazuya looked to his right, watching the street, fixing the corner at the end. He stayed like that for a few minutes, then he turned it to the other direction, watching the empty street.

With a sigh, he checked his watch and since he only had ten minutes left to get to school, Kazuya decided to leave.

Jin hadn’t shown up to pick him up.

It wasn’t like he was disappointed or angry about it. Kazuya told himself that he didn’t care. If Jin had decided that what he had realized yesterday afternoon wasn’t enough to keep this going, then it would be fine with Kazuya, too.

He would just simply accept this and let Jin be, let Jin go on as he used to.

It just would have been nice, had he’d been the one to change Jin’s life, to make him see what he did was wrong.

But, if he couldn’t, then Kazuya wouldn’t sulk on it. He would just take it and accept it and finish the chapter with telling himself that it was how life was going and that it was okay.

He stopped in front of the school and turned once to look behind himself; probably he wasn’t the last one to come to school today; probably someone was going to round the corner in that very moment.

But no one did, so Kazuya turned back and walked through the gate and made his way in, being far too late for classes.

Jin probably wasn’t like him that much. Perhaps, Kazuya had been wrong about it all this while.

He knocked the door to the class room and apologized, as he walked in. The teacher gave him an indignant look, asking him why he was late.

“I overslept.”

“Well, in that case you had enough time to gather strength, so it shouldn’t be a problem standing in the corridor for the next thirty minutes.”

Kazuya bowed his head and went out again, closing the door silently.

He sighed and leaned against the wall, shuffling his feet and staring at the ground. He barely came late for school, usually, so Jin really owned him something for this. Kazuya had been waiting for quite some while that morning; to not even show up was impolite and really not fair at all.

He didn’t care if Jin decided they wouldn’t stick to the usual routine, that he didn’t want to treat Kazuya as he treated everyone else. But being treated like that was unacceptable.

He should at least have the guts to be honest insteasd of telling lies to make fun of Kazuya.

The thirty minutes passed slowly and Kazuya checked his watch every two minutes, wondering why exactly it took so long. As the bell finally rang, he straightened up and didn’t move, until the teacher came out and patted his shoulder lightly, as he walked by.

Kazuya turned and made his way into the class room, putting his bag to the table and sitting down.

“Kame?” Ueda sat down at the windowsill next to Kazuya. “Are you okay?”

Kazuya looked up at him. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“You look a little down.”

“Ah, did Akanishi-senpai do something?” Koki came from behind and poked Kazuya’s cheek, grinning widely.

“I don’t know what you guys think. I am like always.”

“Just late and looking tired and…”

“Kamenashi-kun!”

Kazuya turned his head to that, seeing a few girls from his class approaching his seat.

“Kamenashi-kun, didn’t you come with Akanishi-kun this morning?”

He frowned. “Why would I?”

“He’s not at school yet”, one of the girls said. “And usually he spends the break with his… well, the person he’s dating.”

Shrugging a shoulder, Kazuya turned to look at the desk in front of him. “I haven’t seen him today.”

“But…”

“I don’t know, and I have no reason to do so. If you can’t stalk him because he’s not at school, then it’s not my problem, so leave me alone.”

They pouted, but turned to leave.

“Aha…” Ueda raised a brow. “You were late for school, Akanishi didn’t even show up, you look tired and you're moody…”

Koki gasped at him. “You mean…?”

Kazuya growled. “Just shut up and stop making stupid assumptions.”

Smirking, Ueda hopped to his feet again and ruffled Kazuya’s hair. “So obvious.”

Koki just mumbled something, as he followed Ueda through the room, throwing back looks at Kazuya.

Sighing, Kazuya put his head to the desk and closed his eyes.

He had brought himself into the worst situation. Everyone was assuming he had asked Jin out because Kazuya was in love with him.

That was dull, stupid. Embarrassing.

But probably something he would have assumed, too, as a person not being involved.

The bell rang and Kazuya lifted his head to not being scolded again, because he was apparently sleeping during class.

Classes just got by slowly and Kazuya hated himself for how he wasn’t focused on anything. But when they were over and everyone left, he felt relieved.

Kazuya couldn’t quite tell why, but being at school just made it worse. He wanted to be home and hide in his room, forget the mess he was stuck in.

He got his things together slowly and was the last one to leave the class room. Ueda and Koki were at the door to wait for him, but when he approached them and Koki opened the door, they both exchanged a quick look and then turned to Kazuya again.

“We’ll see you tomorrow, Kame.” Ueda quickly waved his hand and left, Koki following him without a single word.

Kazuya frowned and then followed them out, but as he left the room, he saw Jin leaning against the wall next to their class room. He immediately stopped and blinked his eyes at the older one.

“What are you doing here?”

Jin shrugged a shoulder. “Picking you up from school.”

“You didn’t come to school all day and decide then to come to pick me up?”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Didn’t the teachers see you?” Kazuya slowly walked past him. “It’s probably not very wise to come to school after classes are over.”

Apparently not caring for that at all, Jin caught up on him. “I didn’t come to pick you up this morning, so I thought I’d better show up now.”

“That would not have been necessary.” Kazuya didn’t even turn to him. “I don’t really care.”

“Okay, I thought you’d probably be upset or something.”

He pulled himself together to hold back a sarcastic or mean answer. “Why would I? It’s just a game, right, so it doesn’t hurt.”

Jin stopped then and rolled his eyes. “Listen, I am sorry, I didn’t mean to not show up.”

“Then don’t make those promises.” Kazuya stopped as well, and turned to look at Jin. “I waited.”

“It wasn’t a promise.”

“You wrote you’d pick me up, of course I would wait.”

Jin took a step closer. “I really don’t see why you’re that pissed now. You found the way to school without me, didn’t you?”

“I did”, the younger boy answered. “And I’ll find the way home without you, too.”

Jin stood, when Kazuya turned and walked out on him. He watched him leaving and stubbornly rammed his hands into his pockets, looking indifferently out of the window in the corridor, until he could see Kazuya walking over the school yard.

He looked lonely down there, all alone. The way he looked at the ground, walking slowly and holding his bag over his shoulder.

In a way, that was what had made Jin get back to Kazuya every time over the past days.

He had thought about it all night long. Kazuya was different and yet, Kazuya was the first person Jin had ever met he could understand so well. He knew how he felt and why he did all that and why he tried to come close to Jin.

Kazuya wasn’t different from him, but different from everyone else.

But what Jin needed wasn’t someone who was as lonely and broken as he was. He needed someone who was bright; not just on the outside, not just pretending as Kazuya was. Someone who was really happy, who could really spend Jin some warmth, who would care for Jin and wouldn’t ask for anything in return.

That person had to be somewhere, anywhere. Jin just had to keep on looking for them.

But still, Kazuya didn’t leave his mind. Those words Kazuya had said the day before had left an impact on him. It was something Jin couldn’t get over so easily; not as easily as he would have liked to.

He sighed and rubbed his fingers over his forehead, fighting the urge to follow Kazuya.

Why did he have to take everything so damn personally? Why couldn’t he just really see all that as a game, just like he said he did?

For some odd reason it was way too serious for Kazuya. He had put that idea into his head to change things for Jin and be the one to stop him from what he was doing.

But he didn’t feel as bad about it, as Kazuya probably thought he did. Jin didn’t suffer; it was his decision, after all. He wanted it that way. Kazuya didn’t have any right to interfere.

So, how came, Jin had a bad feeling letting Kazuya walk off like that; how came, Jin didn’t want him to feel bad, to be disappointed?

With a frustrated moan, he turned quickly and dashed off; just in the moment, Kazuya passed the gate to the school yard.

“Kamenashi-kun, wait!”

Kazuya didn’t even bother to react. He calmly walked on without paying any attention.

Until Jin had caught up. He gripped the younger one’s wrist and turned him around with a not so gentle tug. Kazuya automatically pulled back, staring at Jin with huge eyes.

“I didn’t mean to not show up and make you wait”, Jin simply said. “I know I said I’d come, but I …” He couldn’t possibly tell Kazuya he hadn’t slept because of him all night. “I didn’t really sleep and when I finally did, it was already morning, so, when I woke up it was already two.”

“Fine”, Kazuya answered, unimpressed. “I don’t really care.”

Jin snorted. “Don’t try to pull that off, we both know you do.”

“It’s not about how much I care, Jin, but how much you do.”

“I am sorry, didn’t I say that?”

Shrugging a shoulder, Kazuya turned again. “You can tell me a lot; I won’t know if you mean it, though.”

Jin had to agree to that, but that time around, he really once was sorry for what he had done. He caught up on Kazuya and sighed in defeat. “I’ll make up for it.”

“You don’t have to force yourself, really.”

Walking in silence, Jin didn’t answer to that. He knew he had disappointed Kazuya and somehow he felt so bad for it, it confused Jin; he couldn’t quite make out his feelings.

Without giving it a second thought, he just did what came to his mind first and gripped Kazuya’s wrist again, pulling him along.

Kazuya made a surprised noise and stumbled, but didn’t have any other chance than to follow Jin.

“What are you doing?”

“You’ll see.”

Kazuya kept quiet and just let Jin pull him down the street. They turned left and Kazuya got a bit out of breath, facing their fast steps. It was pretty warm already; summer was very close by then and that day was one of those that already felt more than summer than spring.

He let Jin have his head and noticed they left the rather quiet streets of the houses area they’d walked in and made their way down to the riverside.

Only, when they made it to a huge tree at the shore, Jin stopped and let go of Kazuya.

Frowning, Kazuya watched him for a moment, then he looked at the water. He wasn’t quite sure why Jin had brought him here, but he liked the place.

“What now?”

Jin shrugged a shoulder and got down to sit. “This is just better than going anywhere else.”

“Okay”, Kazuya answered, a slight confusion in his voice. “Then we’ll just sit here.” He sat down, putting his arms around his knees, his bag next to him in the grass.

“You’ve often been dumped, haven’t you?”

Kazuya turned his head, frowning. “What?”

Jin shrugged a shoulder. “I mean, you’ve been often stood up, haven’t you?”

Shrugging a shoulder, the younger one leaned back to lay and stare up at the sky. It wasn’t completely blue, there were a few white, fluffy clouds making their way with the wind. “How do you get that idea?”

“You seemed hurt.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Why do you pretend not to be? Why do you think you’d have to put on an act because of me?” Jin turned his head to look down at Kazuya.

The younger one returned the look for a moment. “What would it have changed if I had told you I felt abandoned and hurt when you didn’t show up this morning?”

“It’s nothing anyone would want to admit.”

“Or anyone else would like to hear.”

Jin looked back at the water and shrugged. “I guess I can understand, so I would not have minded hearing it.”

“You don’t actually want to”, Kazuya corrected him.

“I wouldn’t be here then, would I?”

Smiling, Kazuya sat up again and stretched. “You’re just a good person after all, so you at least try. But you don’t actually want to understand my problems and make sure I feel better.”

Jin frowned. “Really, since we first met you keep telling me how I feel. Do you do that for everyone?”

“Just for those I do understand well.”

“You don’t know me.”

Kazuya nodded, then he looked at Jin’s profile. “That’s why I started this. I want to get to know you better.”

Smirking, the older one looked at him, as well. “So, after all, you really fell in love.”

Kazuya didn’t blush and didn’t look away; he kept up to Jin’s eyes and it was impossible for the taller boy to read it, when Kazuya smiled slightly. “Don’t say that; you’d be horrified if it really was like that.”

Jin laughed. “Why would I? Plenty people are in love with me.”

“In love with your face, your image, your looks. Probably even the one you pretend to be at school.” Kazuya pouted his lips, as he looked back over the river. The wind rushed through the leaves of the tree and made them rustle slightly; the shadow over them moved, changed the pictures on the grass. “It’s not like they’d really love you.”

Jin didn’t answer to that, since he knew it was true. But he didn’t think Kazuya was seriously in love with him, too, or different from them in that case. What did he know about Jin? Not more than anyone else.

“However”, he finally said and patted his knees, before he got up. “For this week, I said I’d date you, so I will fulfil my duty and we’ll make the best out of this.”

Kazuya nodded. “Sounds like a deal.”

Jin held out his hand to help Kazuya up. “I’ll take you home.”

With wet hair, Jin made his way out of his room to the kitchen to get some cold water from the fridge and then spend the evening in bed, watching TV, cuddling up beneath the warm blankets.

He felt a bit dizzy and exhausted from the day. Even though he had slept quite long, he was tired then.

In a way, being with Kazuya was refreshing and different and he had found a lot about the younger one this day, but still, it was tiring. Jin didn’t always like how Kazuya was looking at him.

There was something in his look, behind that gentleness, behind the kindness. He watched closely, precisely; observing Jin too exactly for his own likings.

“Jin, love, aren’t you sleeping yet?” His mother came into the kitchen and ruffled his hair. “You’ve already missed school today.”

“Not on purpose.”

“I know”, she said and pushed him towards the door. “But another day to be like this one is not necessary to happen.”

He shrugged a shoulder. “Why aren’t you to bed yet? You’ll have to get up much earlier than I have.”

She smiled. “That’s because I hear my alarm, even if I had not much time to sleep.”

Jin frowned at his mother, but didn’t argue back. After all, he had completely overslept that morning, so he didn’t have much room to argue. “Night, Mom.”

She waved him off and Jin sipped from his water, as he walked up the stairs. When he came into his room and slid into his bed, he looked at the display of his cell phone and lying on his back, he took it, opening the contacts.

Kazuya’s name showed up, a number displayed beneath. It was the only contact shown and somehow it felt strange to even just read a name there.

As it suddenly started ringing, Jin winced, jumped a bit in surprise and frowned then, as he saw the display flashing the name he had just read in his contacts.

“What is it”, he picked up in his usual manner.

“Were you already sleeping?” Kazuya’s voice sounded a bit suffocated.

“No, I am still awake. Why?”

“I thought so. There’s light in your room.”

“Eh?” Jin sat up. “How do you know where I live?”

“This town is small, it wasn’t that difficult to find out”, the younger one answered, but his voice lacked the usual cheerfulness.

Jin made his way over to the window, looking down, but couldn’t see anyone. “Are you here?”

A shadow came across the street, being stretched from the street light, then Kazuya appeared in Jin’s view.

“Do you have time, Jin?”

He wanted to say, no. He wanted to say, leave me alone. Kazuya couldn’t expect to take all of his time.

But for some strange reason, Jin couldn’t say those words. He couldn’t tell Kazuya to get lost, to leave and remember that their deal didn’t include things like that.

“I’ll just get changed; wait there”, was what left Jin’s lips instead and he turned, cutting the connection, before he pulled out some jeans and a sweater.

When he came down the stairs and walked out the door, he saw Kazuya still standing beneath the street light.

“What’s the matter”, the dark brunette asked.

Kazuya smiled at him, but somehow his eyes lacked the sparkles. Jin hadn’t known him for long, but yet he could tell, something was wrong with Kazuya.

“Come on, lets just get going”, Kazuya said in a hyped up voice and took Jin’s wrist, pulling him along.

“What?” Jin followed, since he didn’t have any other chance. “Where to?”

“To the riverside we’ve been to this afternoon.”

Jin frowned, but went along. “Why would we?”

“I didn’t want to stay at home”, was all he got as an answer.

“Why?”

“I just didn’t”, Kazuya said and turned at a cross, walking down the street.

Jin gave him a concerned look, which Kazuya couldn’t notice walking ahead of him. He wondered what had happened and why Kazuya had decided to come and see Jin out of all people.

They reached the tree again and without a word sat down. Kazuya tried to be his usual self, Jin noticed, but he was way too silent, his cheerfulness just masked.

For a while, it remained silent between them, both didn’t speak up. The water was floating, the leaves rustling and other sounds of the night made their way through.

Then Jin lifted his head and looked at Kazuya next to him.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

Jin sighed slightly, before he fell back and stared up at the night sky. “You just wanted to come here because it was so nice”, he said then sarcastically.

“Because I just wanted to see you.” Kazuya’s voice was low.

Jin didn’t answer to that for a while. It strangely had brought up his pulse, his heart beating way too fast for his likings. Something definitely was wrong.

“You have a lot of friends, don’t you”, he asked then.

Kazuya turned his head to him, his eyes indifferent, dry, not looking sad or hurt, like Jin would have expected them to be.

“I have quite some friends, yes.”

“So, why me?”

Kazuya smiled slightly, and even that looked indifferent. He lay down, as well. “Because I wanted to come here; and this is the place you brought me to in the first place.”

Jin smiled over that. “Well, then. Tell me what it is that bothers you.”

Throwing him a short glance, Kazuya shook his head. “Nothing is. I said I was fine.”

“You’re not”, the older one corrected him.

Kazuya just didn’t bother to answer that. It was obvious he wasn’t and it was pointless to try convincing Jin of the opposite.

“You know”, he said then, still looking up to the dark sky and its sparkling stars. “You said, until Sunday evening I’d be the one you date.”

Jin rolled his eyes, sighing. “Once again, I said that, yes.”

“So, until Monday, I will be the most precious person to you, right?”

It made Jin hold his breath; his eyes wide. No one had ever asked him anything like that before and it made him feel uneasy. “I wouldn’t call it that…”, he mumbled.

Kazuya nodded slightly. His eyes were still focused at the sky, staring; he didn’t even seem to blink once. “Of course, you wouldn’t.”

Jin looked at the younger one then, turned his head in the soft grass to see him and he was stunned by how that face next to his didn’t show a single emotion.

That face of the boy whose face usually showed every of his thoughts. That boy Jin had thought he had looked through already.

He probably didn’t know a thing.

Perhaps, Jin thought now, as Kazuya blinked his eyes and he saw that stern look, he had just given the complete wrong answer.

But for that moment, it was too late to say anything; to try to make it sound different.

He had said Kazuya wasn’t most precious and he wouldn’t get the chance to recall it and change his answer.

“Even though, Jin”, Kazuya quietly said and slowly looked at him, as well, “would you stay here with me a little longer?”

Jin nodded, seeing something was wrong. But Kazuya wouldn’t talk about it, Kazuya wouldn’t let him know, let him be part of it. They were close on that strange level, on a level where they admitted that they shared something, but not enough to share something as hurting as Kazuya was bearing at the moment.

Whatever it was, Jin thought, and for a moment held Kazuya’s eyes with his. And whatever it was he read there, he couldn’t tell what it was; he couldn’t take it away.

He suddenly felt strangely touched, as if he wanted to take it, make Kazuya feel better; as if there wasn’t anything more important in that world.

“Kazuya”, he murmured lowly, reaching out his hand to place it next to the younger one’s. He didn’t dare taking it, but their fingers slightly touched.

Kazuya turned his face back towards the night sky and a smile lit up his face. It looked genuine and honest and made Jin feel lighter.

“See, you actually want to call me by name.”

Jin wondered if Kazuya once again had been cheeky with him; sneakily played with Jin’s feelings to get what he wanted.

But then again, he thought, not taking his look from Kazuya’s face once, he couldn’t imagine the younger one would put up an act like that.

That look in his eyes was just too distant.

It made Jin want to get closer, get to know Kazuya, make him open up to find out what it was that troubled him, that made him look so lost and sad.

“We can stay here as long as you want”, he said then. Probably that would show Kazuya that he was still precious, in a way.

Kazuya nodded slightly, moved his fingertips against Jin’s. He smiled again, as he noticed Jin returning the playful moves.

He still had a few days left to make Jin see what he had found already.

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Thanks so very much for reading! I really hope you liked it!
I'll definitely be back to my usual posting from now on, so I hope you are looking forward to the next chap :)

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