up close and personal

[green_eyes_20]

ok...so this is probably quite personal and maybe something i should keep secret, but i have been thinking about it lately, so i guess i will just tell everyone (not that many people read this anywayz). ok, here goes...i want to be with a girl. not like just be with a girl as in have sex, but to actually have a relationship with one. i love my bf like crazy, but i really wanna know what it's like to be with a girl. i have had these feelings for quite some time, years to be exact, but i never actually acted on them. i know it's not right, but i am probably too concerned about what others would think of me; i am always too concerned about others and barely act for myself. i can't really explain why i want to try this, but i do. i've always wondered what it was like to kiss a girl and be intimate with one. someone once told me that a girl can pleasure another girl better because they know what feels best. i think the female body is a work of art; i want to know what it feels like. i don't think i could date just any girl though, especially not a particularly girly one. i couldn't date a "butch" manly one either. i would just want a girl who was like me...someone who likes to dress up once in a while, but isn't overly concerned with what they look like everyday, a girl with the same interests as me, and likes the same music. i would also like a girl that was into the same sexual preferences as i am. oh my goodness...i am honestly think i am crazy for talking like this, but that is probably because i don't think it would be too accepted among my friends and others in my life. to me, you end up with the person that you love, whether they are the same sex as you or not. i've always thought that way and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it...in my head. so yea...i don't know what to do about this or if i will ever do anything about this, but at least i got it out of my system. i know i didn't explain everything completely and my sentences don't run together too smoothly, but...yea...

i don't think my bf would be too happy, but if anyone is willing......... hehehe