(no subject)
You know... this whole going back to school thing has really done a good thing for me. I'm connecting with people that I actually like. I think they like me too... I guess...
Maybe it always shoulda been this way. Being with the nerdcore. I love it. However, I am beginning to realize I have a sorta low tolerance for furries. I don't know why... I think it's just annoying that's all. I'm not against it, but the guys in class who are enthusiasts need to tone it down a bit.
SO a couple things have been running through my mind.
Being eclectic is awesome... but it also sucks. I feel like it's how I'm training lately. I keep 10 lbs weights strapped to each thigh while I go about my business all day. It helps keep me light on my feet. No one notices it. It's always there providing an undercurrent of always being slightly uncomfortable. However, the feeling of it makes me uneasy because if people find out I have them on then they get all fascinated about how someone can experience such things. When the secret is finally revealed, I become lighter and definitely have shown that I have some sort of experience or training that sets me a bit apart.
Why aren't others more rounded?
Especially that socially awkward guy who sits next to me. He just keeps wanting to interject his own conversation during others. It's like he can't seem to sense when people are on other subjects.
I guess it's no surprise that most of the people here have Math and English scores in the course levels of the 90's rather than 101 or above. Aa-chan is right... sometimes I miss talking with intelligent people.
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Neck snapping subject change!!!!
I want to externally mod a comp. I all ready have an airbrush set and some urethane paint. I also know a great distributor of pearlescent, glow in the dark, metal flake, and heat sensitive paint bases. It would be SOOOO awesome to make a case a work of art. But then again there are a few projects I'd like to do.
A mini touch screen computer in the kitchen that plays video and music through speakers hidden around the area while utilizing the android OS.
Computer internals connected to the walls of a closet and RAIDed together to create an ultimate PC with no FREAKING ANNOYING TOWER in the room. Plus it will have the ability to be connected to other areas of the house and might even be used as a security system.
A moderate end pc connected to a TV set in the bedroom that will be controlled via wireless devices. It will play movies, music, internet videos, and games. Especially the MAME system. It will also function as a video conferencing device with a high end WEBCAM.
Maybe even having a whole room (Study, bedroom, living room, etc) become Star Trekked and have it all voice activated and responsive. It wouldn't control a whole lot... but it would be nice to use. You know some Demolition Man-ish "Lights on, Lights off" and Star Trek "Computer. Play Beethoven's Dies IRAE".
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I need to stop checking up on old friends and flames on social networking sites. It constantly makes me depressed. I wonder if it's because I feel as though I hate it when life goes on without me. Meh... I've been down this road maybe thousands of times in my mind. I really don't see any benefits to brooding or wishing or even if I could take the experimental path down those roads. It would all lead me back here...
In Watchmen, Dr. Manhattan sees the entire length of time from his viewpoint as one big picture. He can focus on a point here and there but he can't change what will happen. Even if events change, the outcome is the same.
Perhaps this is more accurate than we think. Do we really have control over our destinies and fates? What is fate? What is OUR fate? What's MY fate? Do they even exist? What the hell is Destiny? What's MY destiny?
The hard part of figuring it all out is that we can always look to the future and hope for the best, but we cannot rewind to the past and make changes to see if the major events in our lives are indeed destined to happen.
It's strange... it hurts... and it bothers my mind like a soldering iron to the base of my brain daily. All the "what ifs" in life and I still can't figure out if it is a good idea to have a burger this weekend. More or less the larger decisions in life. Love, education, the future, careers, etc...
I only know one thing.
I am only truly happy when it is all forgotten and I have moved on.
Yet, I can't help but peer over my shoulder.
The ghosts of the past will haunt me forever.
Yet it's because of them that I am who I am.
It's because of them I have the strength to move on.
So I look back in reverence.
Close my eyes and feel the cool whisps of emptiness and the hot slashes of pain.
I then look forward.
More determined than ever to move on.
To move on and become even one step better than who I was before.
From all this... I become harder, stronger, wiser, and I have traveled miles more than anyone else I've ever met.
I am truly indestructible.
Maybe it always shoulda been this way. Being with the nerdcore. I love it. However, I am beginning to realize I have a sorta low tolerance for furries. I don't know why... I think it's just annoying that's all. I'm not against it, but the guys in class who are enthusiasts need to tone it down a bit.
SO a couple things have been running through my mind.
Being eclectic is awesome... but it also sucks. I feel like it's how I'm training lately. I keep 10 lbs weights strapped to each thigh while I go about my business all day. It helps keep me light on my feet. No one notices it. It's always there providing an undercurrent of always being slightly uncomfortable. However, the feeling of it makes me uneasy because if people find out I have them on then they get all fascinated about how someone can experience such things. When the secret is finally revealed, I become lighter and definitely have shown that I have some sort of experience or training that sets me a bit apart.
Why aren't others more rounded?
Especially that socially awkward guy who sits next to me. He just keeps wanting to interject his own conversation during others. It's like he can't seem to sense when people are on other subjects.
I guess it's no surprise that most of the people here have Math and English scores in the course levels of the 90's rather than 101 or above. Aa-chan is right... sometimes I miss talking with intelligent people.
------------
Neck snapping subject change!!!!
I want to externally mod a comp. I all ready have an airbrush set and some urethane paint. I also know a great distributor of pearlescent, glow in the dark, metal flake, and heat sensitive paint bases. It would be SOOOO awesome to make a case a work of art. But then again there are a few projects I'd like to do.
A mini touch screen computer in the kitchen that plays video and music through speakers hidden around the area while utilizing the android OS.
Computer internals connected to the walls of a closet and RAIDed together to create an ultimate PC with no FREAKING ANNOYING TOWER in the room. Plus it will have the ability to be connected to other areas of the house and might even be used as a security system.
A moderate end pc connected to a TV set in the bedroom that will be controlled via wireless devices. It will play movies, music, internet videos, and games. Especially the MAME system. It will also function as a video conferencing device with a high end WEBCAM.
Maybe even having a whole room (Study, bedroom, living room, etc) become Star Trekked and have it all voice activated and responsive. It wouldn't control a whole lot... but it would be nice to use. You know some Demolition Man-ish "Lights on, Lights off" and Star Trek "Computer. Play Beethoven's Dies IRAE".
----------
I need to stop checking up on old friends and flames on social networking sites. It constantly makes me depressed. I wonder if it's because I feel as though I hate it when life goes on without me. Meh... I've been down this road maybe thousands of times in my mind. I really don't see any benefits to brooding or wishing or even if I could take the experimental path down those roads. It would all lead me back here...
In Watchmen, Dr. Manhattan sees the entire length of time from his viewpoint as one big picture. He can focus on a point here and there but he can't change what will happen. Even if events change, the outcome is the same.
Perhaps this is more accurate than we think. Do we really have control over our destinies and fates? What is fate? What is OUR fate? What's MY fate? Do they even exist? What the hell is Destiny? What's MY destiny?
The hard part of figuring it all out is that we can always look to the future and hope for the best, but we cannot rewind to the past and make changes to see if the major events in our lives are indeed destined to happen.
It's strange... it hurts... and it bothers my mind like a soldering iron to the base of my brain daily. All the "what ifs" in life and I still can't figure out if it is a good idea to have a burger this weekend. More or less the larger decisions in life. Love, education, the future, careers, etc...
I only know one thing.
I am only truly happy when it is all forgotten and I have moved on.
Yet, I can't help but peer over my shoulder.
The ghosts of the past will haunt me forever.
Yet it's because of them that I am who I am.
It's because of them I have the strength to move on.
So I look back in reverence.
Close my eyes and feel the cool whisps of emptiness and the hot slashes of pain.
I then look forward.
More determined than ever to move on.
To move on and become even one step better than who I was before.
From all this... I become harder, stronger, wiser, and I have traveled miles more than anyone else I've ever met.
I am truly indestructible.
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