(no subject)
[ooc: Two scenes for Bruce's Monday. He'll be back in New York on Tuesday.]
The line between Bruce and the Hulk’s memories was becoming more and more tenuous as the years went by, but he was oddly comfortable with not remembering anything he’d done in the past few hours. What did concern Bruce --once he was in a SUV heading away from Devil’s Point, Wyoming-- was the fact that the transformation had been abrupt and changing back had been quick too. The thing about the effects of gamma radiation on Bruce was that it resulted in interesting tolerances and resistances. He’d have to look into that once he was less worn out.
Considering everything that had happened to him since Saturday, getting hauled away from a collapsing military base by Leonard Samson and Rick Jones wasn’t exactly astonishing. Rick had probably had at least one encounter with Ryker although outside of a broken arm, he seemed to be just fine. Bruce wished he’d thought to either send Rick a Christmas present or to have sent him a card using a pseudonym. Leonard had always been more focused on monitoring the people monitoring them than Bruce had so he had looked into Ryker’s projects and other SHIELD operations directly concerning Bruce or the Hulk.
Once they were in the car, he mentioned something about a microchip and satellites with gamma tracers. Bruce just nodded numbly and let them try to deal with the chips and various implants SHIELD had given him over the years. He didn’t have the heart to tell them they’d just give him more once they got back to New York.
Once Leonard was satisfied, he handed Bruce some clothes and started driving. The first hour or so, he rambled on and on about the intel, doubtlessly aware that Bruce wouldn’t remember any of it, but Leonard tended to talk even more than usual when he didn’t actually know what to say.
Bruce had kept shaking off their help during the ride and at the diner. Since watching the news, he found it hard to say much of anything. He was responsible for a series of fires and explosions, and while the casualties had been remarkably minimal and no one was actually accusing a green monster of anything, he was anxious. Ryker was in critical condition, and no matter how he felt about the man... Putting even a psychotic four star general in the hospital was not a smart move even if no one was ever likely to accuse the Hulk of being bright.
Furthermore, attacking a general who worked for SHIELD wasn’t something that he could get away with, and he wasn’t sure Fury would believe him when he brought up the blood transfusion. If he did believe him though just about everything would get swept under a rug somewhere and dealt with by other agents of SHIELD. Yes, Project Pegasus was a legit government-sanctioned project but attempting to cure cancer with toxic blood transfusion was probably frowned upon without the proper clearance and authorization.
When he said he wanted to go home, both men looked confused. He had to clarify several times that he meant New York and yes he knew that was where SHIELD was. Yes, he did think Calcutta or Lima was probably safer, but no he didn’t want to go there. They kept giving each other incredulous looks while he hunched his shoulders and curled up in the backseat of the spacious vehicle, but Bruce was really past the point of caring.
*
Sometime later, they finally stopped at a mostly vacant motel. Leonard was doing his best not to make decisions for Bruce and for once he even made an effort not to voice his opinion. Checking himself in the bathroom mirror after taking a hot shower, Bruce could kind of see why. He looked pretty pitiful even for him.
Rick, of course, had already complained several times and loudly too. He had already decided he was staying in New York for a little while in case Fury didn’t handle things properly, and had managed to talk Leonard into it. Considering how many superheroes were in New York though, it wasn’t very hard. Most of them needed therapy whether they were getting it or not.
Once Leonard had gone off in search of food since Bruce hadn’t managed to eat much of anything yet, Rick sighed heavily, stretching out on one of the beds and glancing over at Bruce. “I don’t know, man.”
Bruce continued staring at the road map Leonard had handed him before he’d gone off in search of towels or extra pillows or something. “What’s there to know? I keep going away, and it doesn’t change anything. Going back at least would be me doing something new.”
“Even if you’re being played?”
“You don’t know that.”
“No? Why? Because your team rushed to the rescue and will be ever so quick to defend you against any potential allegations that might come up in the near future.”
“Do you want me to thank you again? Or Len when he gets back?” Bruce asked wearily. “Because I will. I’m not sure what else you want me to say. This isn’t anything new.”
“So why put up with it? Why go back? I mean, outside of the fact that if you need a lawyer, Murdock’s a good choice and he never leaves Manhattan.”
“I have… There’s things there I like. People too. Only a few of them but that’s more than I had in the last few years. I have a house and a lab. I even have a Macbook now even of that crappy PC laptop I used to tote around. I could theoretically have a life. I could probably even get a car now. I think my credit’s all right. I can’t have any of that if I’m always on the run with everything I need crammed into a backpack.”
“You’re the only person I know who is actually addicted to being normal and having normal things.”
“I’m tired,” Bruce admitted quietly. “I just… I never thought I’d have to wait this long to find a cure.”
“Things like this take time, Doc. You just have to wait it out.”
He smiled thinly but shook his head. “The truth is, I’m never going to fix this and very few people are ever going to accept me. Even after… Even with what happened with Betty, I spent so much time trying to make people like me or at least see me as something other than a walking gamma bomb. But now I can’t keep basing all my decisions on what other people would have me do. I’m grateful for the friends I have and I can’t hope to change the minds of the people who don’t like or trust me. I know I’m on a team that probably doesn’t want me on it… It’s regrettable, but it’s unavoidable.”
“Maybe there’s something else you could do. Like teaching? You were good at that.”
“The only person I feel comfortable putting in danger is myself. I can’t avoid that either.” Rick interrupted to grumble something about avoiding it in Maui, but Bruce ignored him. “Someone is always going to be after me. Someone is always going to think I’m a freak regardless of who or what I work for or against. The best I can do is try to have a few normal days in a row, and find maybe a handful of people that will at least pretend to give a shit about me.”
“And on the days when that’s not enough?”
Bruce shrugged. “I get by.” He had Hank and Claire for days like that. Having Hank around really made a difference, but he worried that saying as much would jinx things once he got back.
In the silence that followed that, he folded up the map and rubbed at his eyes gingerly. The Hulk healed up just fine so some of the larger injuries he’d sustained had gone away, but the bruises and the black eye he’d gotten either on Saturday or Sunday would be around for quite sometime. It could have been worse. He could have needed stitches or kept the dislocated shoulder.
Rick exhaled sharply and sat up. “Just for the record, I do give a shit about you. In a genuine sort of way with no obligations or strings involved or attached. I don’t think all of your team mates are out to get you or hate you either. I just wish they got that you’re really still the nice albeit banal professor guy you always were. It’s like no one ever cuts you slack of any kind.”
Bruce felt like pointing out that no one really cut anyone much slack at SHIELD, but he wasn’t up to arguing. Sleeping seemed like a better option so he set the map down on a bedside table and laid down on the other bed in the room. “Thanks.”
“No problem. …Do you think maybe next year for Christmas you can get me a present instead of a dorky card?”
“Maybe.”
“Also? I know you’re seeing Hank Pym so you could have said that’s why you’re going back. I may not hang out with you guys all the time now, but I still get all the good gossip.”
“…Oh.”
“And Len knows too. Just so you don’t end up looking like an idiot twice when he asks you if you’re sure you want to be in New York instead of some logical place. You know, like a safe house or an underground bunker.”
Bruce rubbed his temples and grimaced. “That’s great.”
“Hey now. I’m not judging. To each his own, and after Betty, you probably need a man instead. And you’re probably old enough for a mid-life crisis by now, right?”
“I really, really don’t want to talk about this.”
“That’s all right. I don’t want a lot of details.”
“Good.”
“Don’t worry about Len either. We talked about it when you passed out back in Des Moines. He’s not allowed to lecture you, but he can send you some pamphlets in the mail in a couple of weeks about coping with people with bipolar issues.”
Bruce breathed out a sigh of relief. The last thing he needed on top of everything else was a therapist’s opinion. “In that case… You might get something for Christmas.”
“In that case, you can borrow my cell phone when you want to call him. Just don’t have phone sex or anything. I’d have to sterilize the screen.”
He snorted before closing his eyes. “I'll call him soon, but somehow I think we'll manage to avoid that. Thanks.” At least some things never seemed to change.
The line between Bruce and the Hulk’s memories was becoming more and more tenuous as the years went by, but he was oddly comfortable with not remembering anything he’d done in the past few hours. What did concern Bruce --once he was in a SUV heading away from Devil’s Point, Wyoming-- was the fact that the transformation had been abrupt and changing back had been quick too. The thing about the effects of gamma radiation on Bruce was that it resulted in interesting tolerances and resistances. He’d have to look into that once he was less worn out.
Considering everything that had happened to him since Saturday, getting hauled away from a collapsing military base by Leonard Samson and Rick Jones wasn’t exactly astonishing. Rick had probably had at least one encounter with Ryker although outside of a broken arm, he seemed to be just fine. Bruce wished he’d thought to either send Rick a Christmas present or to have sent him a card using a pseudonym. Leonard had always been more focused on monitoring the people monitoring them than Bruce had so he had looked into Ryker’s projects and other SHIELD operations directly concerning Bruce or the Hulk.
Once they were in the car, he mentioned something about a microchip and satellites with gamma tracers. Bruce just nodded numbly and let them try to deal with the chips and various implants SHIELD had given him over the years. He didn’t have the heart to tell them they’d just give him more once they got back to New York.
Once Leonard was satisfied, he handed Bruce some clothes and started driving. The first hour or so, he rambled on and on about the intel, doubtlessly aware that Bruce wouldn’t remember any of it, but Leonard tended to talk even more than usual when he didn’t actually know what to say.
Bruce had kept shaking off their help during the ride and at the diner. Since watching the news, he found it hard to say much of anything. He was responsible for a series of fires and explosions, and while the casualties had been remarkably minimal and no one was actually accusing a green monster of anything, he was anxious. Ryker was in critical condition, and no matter how he felt about the man... Putting even a psychotic four star general in the hospital was not a smart move even if no one was ever likely to accuse the Hulk of being bright.
Furthermore, attacking a general who worked for SHIELD wasn’t something that he could get away with, and he wasn’t sure Fury would believe him when he brought up the blood transfusion. If he did believe him though just about everything would get swept under a rug somewhere and dealt with by other agents of SHIELD. Yes, Project Pegasus was a legit government-sanctioned project but attempting to cure cancer with toxic blood transfusion was probably frowned upon without the proper clearance and authorization.
When he said he wanted to go home, both men looked confused. He had to clarify several times that he meant New York and yes he knew that was where SHIELD was. Yes, he did think Calcutta or Lima was probably safer, but no he didn’t want to go there. They kept giving each other incredulous looks while he hunched his shoulders and curled up in the backseat of the spacious vehicle, but Bruce was really past the point of caring.
*
Sometime later, they finally stopped at a mostly vacant motel. Leonard was doing his best not to make decisions for Bruce and for once he even made an effort not to voice his opinion. Checking himself in the bathroom mirror after taking a hot shower, Bruce could kind of see why. He looked pretty pitiful even for him.
Rick, of course, had already complained several times and loudly too. He had already decided he was staying in New York for a little while in case Fury didn’t handle things properly, and had managed to talk Leonard into it. Considering how many superheroes were in New York though, it wasn’t very hard. Most of them needed therapy whether they were getting it or not.
Once Leonard had gone off in search of food since Bruce hadn’t managed to eat much of anything yet, Rick sighed heavily, stretching out on one of the beds and glancing over at Bruce. “I don’t know, man.”
Bruce continued staring at the road map Leonard had handed him before he’d gone off in search of towels or extra pillows or something. “What’s there to know? I keep going away, and it doesn’t change anything. Going back at least would be me doing something new.”
“Even if you’re being played?”
“You don’t know that.”
“No? Why? Because your team rushed to the rescue and will be ever so quick to defend you against any potential allegations that might come up in the near future.”
“Do you want me to thank you again? Or Len when he gets back?” Bruce asked wearily. “Because I will. I’m not sure what else you want me to say. This isn’t anything new.”
“So why put up with it? Why go back? I mean, outside of the fact that if you need a lawyer, Murdock’s a good choice and he never leaves Manhattan.”
“I have… There’s things there I like. People too. Only a few of them but that’s more than I had in the last few years. I have a house and a lab. I even have a Macbook now even of that crappy PC laptop I used to tote around. I could theoretically have a life. I could probably even get a car now. I think my credit’s all right. I can’t have any of that if I’m always on the run with everything I need crammed into a backpack.”
“You’re the only person I know who is actually addicted to being normal and having normal things.”
“I’m tired,” Bruce admitted quietly. “I just… I never thought I’d have to wait this long to find a cure.”
“Things like this take time, Doc. You just have to wait it out.”
He smiled thinly but shook his head. “The truth is, I’m never going to fix this and very few people are ever going to accept me. Even after… Even with what happened with Betty, I spent so much time trying to make people like me or at least see me as something other than a walking gamma bomb. But now I can’t keep basing all my decisions on what other people would have me do. I’m grateful for the friends I have and I can’t hope to change the minds of the people who don’t like or trust me. I know I’m on a team that probably doesn’t want me on it… It’s regrettable, but it’s unavoidable.”
“Maybe there’s something else you could do. Like teaching? You were good at that.”
“The only person I feel comfortable putting in danger is myself. I can’t avoid that either.” Rick interrupted to grumble something about avoiding it in Maui, but Bruce ignored him. “Someone is always going to be after me. Someone is always going to think I’m a freak regardless of who or what I work for or against. The best I can do is try to have a few normal days in a row, and find maybe a handful of people that will at least pretend to give a shit about me.”
“And on the days when that’s not enough?”
Bruce shrugged. “I get by.” He had Hank and Claire for days like that. Having Hank around really made a difference, but he worried that saying as much would jinx things once he got back.
In the silence that followed that, he folded up the map and rubbed at his eyes gingerly. The Hulk healed up just fine so some of the larger injuries he’d sustained had gone away, but the bruises and the black eye he’d gotten either on Saturday or Sunday would be around for quite sometime. It could have been worse. He could have needed stitches or kept the dislocated shoulder.
Rick exhaled sharply and sat up. “Just for the record, I do give a shit about you. In a genuine sort of way with no obligations or strings involved or attached. I don’t think all of your team mates are out to get you or hate you either. I just wish they got that you’re really still the nice albeit banal professor guy you always were. It’s like no one ever cuts you slack of any kind.”
Bruce felt like pointing out that no one really cut anyone much slack at SHIELD, but he wasn’t up to arguing. Sleeping seemed like a better option so he set the map down on a bedside table and laid down on the other bed in the room. “Thanks.”
“No problem. …Do you think maybe next year for Christmas you can get me a present instead of a dorky card?”
“Maybe.”
“Also? I know you’re seeing Hank Pym so you could have said that’s why you’re going back. I may not hang out with you guys all the time now, but I still get all the good gossip.”
“…Oh.”
“And Len knows too. Just so you don’t end up looking like an idiot twice when he asks you if you’re sure you want to be in New York instead of some logical place. You know, like a safe house or an underground bunker.”
Bruce rubbed his temples and grimaced. “That’s great.”
“Hey now. I’m not judging. To each his own, and after Betty, you probably need a man instead. And you’re probably old enough for a mid-life crisis by now, right?”
“I really, really don’t want to talk about this.”
“That’s all right. I don’t want a lot of details.”
“Good.”
“Don’t worry about Len either. We talked about it when you passed out back in Des Moines. He’s not allowed to lecture you, but he can send you some pamphlets in the mail in a couple of weeks about coping with people with bipolar issues.”
Bruce breathed out a sigh of relief. The last thing he needed on top of everything else was a therapist’s opinion. “In that case… You might get something for Christmas.”
“In that case, you can borrow my cell phone when you want to call him. Just don’t have phone sex or anything. I’d have to sterilize the screen.”
He snorted before closing his eyes. “I'll call him soon, but somehow I think we'll manage to avoid that. Thanks.” At least some things never seemed to change.