Firefly: This Isis Family Profiles
Meet the members of the Isis Family (or the ones that really matter, i.e. the ones Jayne really cares about). You know what that means... the next chapter of Giselle later this week.
Radiant Cobb: The Queen Bee
In the unlikely case you come face to face with the Isis Matriarch (yeah right), it is very important to remember to be polite. If you are not, you will be smacked, which is the least you deserve.
She's kept the Family alive through her sheer determination and willpower. She was one of the first to realize that crime was the only option left for a large group of people who had no identification documentation and who were being blamed for the Reavers. It helped her cause that her son and his blood brothers backed her up 100% (it also helped that everyone in the Family knew exactly what sort of terrible things these men were capable of).
Born: Elizabeth Cobb
Married Name: Elizabeth Armstrong
Family: Jayne Cobb (son), Mattie Cobb (daughter), Thom Cobb (niece)
Occupation: Head of the Family
Skills: She can’t exactly read or write, but don’t let that fool you, Radiant Cobb studied cunning from a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on and is now working for the U.N. at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning.
WARNING: The woman can knit like nobody’s business.
Erin Hunter: The Fast Talker
The moment he walks into your office after kicking open the doors, you decide he's an idiot. After throwing himself into a chair and putting his feet up on your mahogany desk, you wonder why nobody bothered to do the world a favour and smother Erin at birth. And that's before he starts talking.
Once he's started, he doesn't stop. He talks about everything under the sun and when you try to cut him off, he immediately jumps to the next subject, all the while smiling from ear to ear like the idiot he is.
If you're really sharp, you might notice that at some point in this interview, Erin has started smoking one of your good cigars; the type you keep for your big money/name clientele. As he's now halfway through, you look back and attempt to figure out just when he lit up. Seeing your pained expression, Erin immediately offers you a drink like the good Samaritan he is. At which point, he will pour you a healthy dose of the fine brandy you keep locked in the bottom drawer of your desk. Perhaps then you will realize that he is now seated behind your desk and writing out cheques to himself in your handwriting.
Usually this is the time when he takes off your reading glasses and informs you that he's very sorry but the company has decided to let you go; here's your box of office knickknacks, your pink slip, and a gold watch.
It's only after your own security guards have escorted you out of the building that you realize the watch is a fake.
Born: Aaron Mitchell
Family: Luce Hunter (brother), Nightingale Hunter (sister-in-law), Mattie Cobb (Common-law wife/it's a work in progress), Jayne Cobb (Second cousin, once removed/blood brother)
Occupation: Bounty Hunter/Right Hand of the Family/Storm Breaker.
Skills: Man can talk, walking distraction, con-man, pilot.
Weapon of Choice: Guns, Explosives.
WARNING: Mention Luce and "Reaver" in the same sentence at your own risk.
Mattie Cobb: The Swan
It's the type of meeting that only exists in the movies. You look across a crowded bar and there she is.
She looks up and you can't help but honestly wonder what a girl like her is doing among this rabble, but then her eyes meet yours and she smiles, and her smile hearkens back to your days of youth and to first love and you stop wondering. It doesn't matter where you found her, it matters that she's here and in your arms and more importantly than all of that: you can save her.
So you do.
You take her away from that Godforsaken place and you marry her. Her kisses steal your breath away. And, one day, not too far from now, when you're no longer of use to her, she'll steal your breath away for good.
Born: Matthew Armstrong
Family: Radiant Cobb (mother), Jayne Cobb (older brother by ten years), Thom Cobb (cousin), Erin Hunter (Common-law husband/the last man in the 'Verse she would ever marry/Second cousin, once removed), Luce Hunter (second cousin, once removed), Edward Smithson (first husband).
Occupation: Spy/Left Hand of the Family
Skills: Looking delicate, can seduce a man into killing himself, forger, makes a lovely bride.
Weapon of Choice: Poison, manipulation.
WARNING: Her kisses are to die for.
Lucille (Luce) Hunter: The Time Bomb
If you should ever find yourself alone in a room with this man, use that time to practice your secret dream of holding your breath for six minutes. Usually, Erin will notice his brother is missing within that time frame and race to find him before Luce hurts himself.
It would also be very smart if you didn't move. Please note, I don't mean "don't make any sudden movements," I mean DON'T MOVE. You won't like it if you capture Luce's attention.
If Luce does decide you're worthy of his interest, which he probably will as face it -- you will suddenly have to sneeze because that is the unspoken rule in situations of great danger -- go passive. As he lifts you up into the air with one arm and proceeds to crush your windpipe, take the time to admire his gorgeous smile and pretty blue eyes. There are worse last sights.
Do not attempt to fight him, it gets him excited and nobody deserves to die that way.
Born: Robert Mitchell
Family: Erin Hunter (older brother by eleven months), Nightingale Hunter (wife), unborn child (with Gale), Jayne Cobb (Second cousin, once removed/Blood brother)
Occupation: Bounty Hunter/Storm Breaker
Skills: Very hands on kind of guy, tracker.
Weapon of Choice: Himself.
WARNING: Do not leave him alone with a knife.
Nightingale (Gale) Hunter: The Peacemaker
She approaches your stall in the marketplace, intent on buying sufficient supplies for her ship's next trip into the Black. Her good nature, exotic appearance, and doe eyes mark her as a perfect target. You overcharge her.
She smiles like the pretty thing she is and doesn't bother her pretty head about the price. She counts out what she feels is a fair price and hands it to you. You open your mouth to demand more money and perhaps call the pretty lady a very rude name.
The next instant, you find your throat being crushed by one Luce Hunter.
Family: Luce Hunter (husband), unborn child (with Luce), Erin Hunter (brother-in-law)
Occupation: Former slave of Niska. Cook.
Skills: Can calm Luce down. Should have her own cook show/restaurant. Speaks the dead language of Vietnamese when she’s angry.
Weapon of Choice: Luce
Warning: She’s married to Luce and pregnant with his child. You do the math and then tell me that attacking her is a good idea.
Thomas (Thom) Cobb: The Firecracker
One of the few children to escape Isis after the initial Reaver attacks, Thom has all but forgotten the life she lived before that faithful night. And she's not interested in remembering.
Basically, a miniature Jayne, Thom has the same loose set of morals and is only interested in how you can best serve her. She has no interest in forming relations outside of her immediate family. Before he ran, Jayne used to read to her stories of great battles, fantastic quests and knights. Thom calls Jayne her "Second" to remind him of the promise he made that he would always have her back no matter what fight she picks.
Jayne affectionately(?) calls Thom "Firecracker" in reference to her explosive temper - a common trait in the Cobb family.
Born: Juliet Cobb
Family: Brandon Cobb (father, deceased), Jayne Cobb (cousin), Mattie Cobb (cousin), Radiant Cobb (Aunt)
Occupation: Thief
Skills: Pick pocket, street smart, very good at climbing. Wants to grow up to be a cat burglar.
Weapon of Choice: Butterfly knife
WARNING: You probably won't ever see her, but she'll be intimately acquainted with the contents of your wallet.
Radiant Cobb: The Queen Bee
In the unlikely case you come face to face with the Isis Matriarch (yeah right), it is very important to remember to be polite. If you are not, you will be smacked, which is the least you deserve.
She's kept the Family alive through her sheer determination and willpower. She was one of the first to realize that crime was the only option left for a large group of people who had no identification documentation and who were being blamed for the Reavers. It helped her cause that her son and his blood brothers backed her up 100% (it also helped that everyone in the Family knew exactly what sort of terrible things these men were capable of).
Born: Elizabeth Cobb
Married Name: Elizabeth Armstrong
Family: Jayne Cobb (son), Mattie Cobb (daughter), Thom Cobb (niece)
Occupation: Head of the Family
Skills: She can’t exactly read or write, but don’t let that fool you, Radiant Cobb studied cunning from a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on and is now working for the U.N. at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning.
WARNING: The woman can knit like nobody’s business.
Erin Hunter: The Fast Talker
The moment he walks into your office after kicking open the doors, you decide he's an idiot. After throwing himself into a chair and putting his feet up on your mahogany desk, you wonder why nobody bothered to do the world a favour and smother Erin at birth. And that's before he starts talking.
Once he's started, he doesn't stop. He talks about everything under the sun and when you try to cut him off, he immediately jumps to the next subject, all the while smiling from ear to ear like the idiot he is.
If you're really sharp, you might notice that at some point in this interview, Erin has started smoking one of your good cigars; the type you keep for your big money/name clientele. As he's now halfway through, you look back and attempt to figure out just when he lit up. Seeing your pained expression, Erin immediately offers you a drink like the good Samaritan he is. At which point, he will pour you a healthy dose of the fine brandy you keep locked in the bottom drawer of your desk. Perhaps then you will realize that he is now seated behind your desk and writing out cheques to himself in your handwriting.
Usually this is the time when he takes off your reading glasses and informs you that he's very sorry but the company has decided to let you go; here's your box of office knickknacks, your pink slip, and a gold watch.
It's only after your own security guards have escorted you out of the building that you realize the watch is a fake.
Born: Aaron Mitchell
Family: Luce Hunter (brother), Nightingale Hunter (sister-in-law), Mattie Cobb (Common-law wife/it's a work in progress), Jayne Cobb (Second cousin, once removed/blood brother)
Occupation: Bounty Hunter/Right Hand of the Family/Storm Breaker.
Skills: Man can talk, walking distraction, con-man, pilot.
Weapon of Choice: Guns, Explosives.
WARNING: Mention Luce and "Reaver" in the same sentence at your own risk.
Mattie Cobb: The Swan
It's the type of meeting that only exists in the movies. You look across a crowded bar and there she is.
She looks up and you can't help but honestly wonder what a girl like her is doing among this rabble, but then her eyes meet yours and she smiles, and her smile hearkens back to your days of youth and to first love and you stop wondering. It doesn't matter where you found her, it matters that she's here and in your arms and more importantly than all of that: you can save her.
So you do.
You take her away from that Godforsaken place and you marry her. Her kisses steal your breath away. And, one day, not too far from now, when you're no longer of use to her, she'll steal your breath away for good.
Born: Matthew Armstrong
Family: Radiant Cobb (mother), Jayne Cobb (older brother by ten years), Thom Cobb (cousin), Erin Hunter (Common-law husband/the last man in the 'Verse she would ever marry/Second cousin, once removed), Luce Hunter (second cousin, once removed), Edward Smithson (first husband).
Occupation: Spy/Left Hand of the Family
Skills: Looking delicate, can seduce a man into killing himself, forger, makes a lovely bride.
Weapon of Choice: Poison, manipulation.
WARNING: Her kisses are to die for.
Lucille (Luce) Hunter: The Time Bomb
If you should ever find yourself alone in a room with this man, use that time to practice your secret dream of holding your breath for six minutes. Usually, Erin will notice his brother is missing within that time frame and race to find him before Luce hurts himself.
It would also be very smart if you didn't move. Please note, I don't mean "don't make any sudden movements," I mean DON'T MOVE. You won't like it if you capture Luce's attention.
If Luce does decide you're worthy of his interest, which he probably will as face it -- you will suddenly have to sneeze because that is the unspoken rule in situations of great danger -- go passive. As he lifts you up into the air with one arm and proceeds to crush your windpipe, take the time to admire his gorgeous smile and pretty blue eyes. There are worse last sights.
Do not attempt to fight him, it gets him excited and nobody deserves to die that way.
Born: Robert Mitchell
Family: Erin Hunter (older brother by eleven months), Nightingale Hunter (wife), unborn child (with Gale), Jayne Cobb (Second cousin, once removed/Blood brother)
Occupation: Bounty Hunter/Storm Breaker
Skills: Very hands on kind of guy, tracker.
Weapon of Choice: Himself.
WARNING: Do not leave him alone with a knife.
Nightingale (Gale) Hunter: The Peacemaker
She approaches your stall in the marketplace, intent on buying sufficient supplies for her ship's next trip into the Black. Her good nature, exotic appearance, and doe eyes mark her as a perfect target. You overcharge her.
She smiles like the pretty thing she is and doesn't bother her pretty head about the price. She counts out what she feels is a fair price and hands it to you. You open your mouth to demand more money and perhaps call the pretty lady a very rude name.
The next instant, you find your throat being crushed by one Luce Hunter.
Family: Luce Hunter (husband), unborn child (with Luce), Erin Hunter (brother-in-law)
Occupation: Former slave of Niska. Cook.
Skills: Can calm Luce down. Should have her own cook show/restaurant. Speaks the dead language of Vietnamese when she’s angry.
Weapon of Choice: Luce
Warning: She’s married to Luce and pregnant with his child. You do the math and then tell me that attacking her is a good idea.
Thomas (Thom) Cobb: The Firecracker
One of the few children to escape Isis after the initial Reaver attacks, Thom has all but forgotten the life she lived before that faithful night. And she's not interested in remembering.
Basically, a miniature Jayne, Thom has the same loose set of morals and is only interested in how you can best serve her. She has no interest in forming relations outside of her immediate family. Before he ran, Jayne used to read to her stories of great battles, fantastic quests and knights. Thom calls Jayne her "Second" to remind him of the promise he made that he would always have her back no matter what fight she picks.
Jayne affectionately(?) calls Thom "Firecracker" in reference to her explosive temper - a common trait in the Cobb family.
Born: Juliet Cobb
Family: Brandon Cobb (father, deceased), Jayne Cobb (cousin), Mattie Cobb (cousin), Radiant Cobb (Aunt)
Occupation: Thief
Skills: Pick pocket, street smart, very good at climbing. Wants to grow up to be a cat burglar.
Weapon of Choice: Butterfly knife
WARNING: You probably won't ever see her, but she'll be intimately acquainted with the contents of your wallet.