The quest for the essence
Again, it has been a long time since I wrote anything here. Much has happened since the last time, from a successful end of a school year, to a much needed vacation, free time, and almost month long trip to Costa Rica. My trip to Costa Rica in August had an interesting effect as for some reason this time, aside from going to gorgeous beaches, natural spas, and meeting up with family and friends I had a serious chance to unknowingly meditate. What does this mean? I think it simply means that concepts that didn't click before, click now. Priorities seem the more clearer, and a new found ability to see things for what they are, and not for what I wish them to be.
So since I came back, I have been in an earnest quest for the essence. What makes people worth my time and energy, and why should they invest time and energy in me. Since the end of August old and new characters have popped in my radar, and it has been interesting how this new perspective has made me has made see things in a much different way than I used to. The difference is as if though the pieces of a puzzle suddenly fall into place, and suddenly and you see things for what they are. Some people have remarked that I have been sort of recluse since I came back. I actually can't believe how comfortable I have been since it started. It might seem I have been forcing myself to do something when I know it feels perfectly natural and simple, a simplicity of sorts that can't be forged but allowed to happen.
Just small illustration of my previous rambling: Recently, a person with whom I had a close friendship and kind of tossed it way, now is angry at me for fostering a close friendship with one of his friends, as if though this person had ownership either over me or over his friend (I am not clear yet which). Sincerely, I am not sure I get it. What I get is that some people are just too selfish and dramatic. It's like what we say in Costa Rica, “they don’t use the ax or lend it.” Perhaps, it would be best to withhold from judgment as this person was clearly not playing with a full deck when he crying wolf. Still, it provokes me to evaluate the true inner motives for this person to react so badly, to something that really wasn't any of his business. In hindsight everything is usually clearer, and in hindsight, I saw traces of this before, but as always, I chose to see the positive side and ignored the potential for rottenness.
Other small situations have come and gone that further illustrated what I have seen as a pattern in my life, to idealize people because I chose to only see the best in them, giving them the benefit of the doubt and allow them in my life in spite of evidence of potential rottenness. Someone once said to me: "Follow your gut level reaction, it's usually the right one." So, I guess the essence should be obvious, if you can let go of idealism and altruistic filters.
Two last questions remain: If the search of the essence is the quest for what's real and pure about things and people, then what is the value/role of idealism, and is it a value/role we should keep or dump?
So since I came back, I have been in an earnest quest for the essence. What makes people worth my time and energy, and why should they invest time and energy in me. Since the end of August old and new characters have popped in my radar, and it has been interesting how this new perspective has made me has made see things in a much different way than I used to. The difference is as if though the pieces of a puzzle suddenly fall into place, and suddenly and you see things for what they are. Some people have remarked that I have been sort of recluse since I came back. I actually can't believe how comfortable I have been since it started. It might seem I have been forcing myself to do something when I know it feels perfectly natural and simple, a simplicity of sorts that can't be forged but allowed to happen.
Just small illustration of my previous rambling: Recently, a person with whom I had a close friendship and kind of tossed it way, now is angry at me for fostering a close friendship with one of his friends, as if though this person had ownership either over me or over his friend (I am not clear yet which). Sincerely, I am not sure I get it. What I get is that some people are just too selfish and dramatic. It's like what we say in Costa Rica, “they don’t use the ax or lend it.” Perhaps, it would be best to withhold from judgment as this person was clearly not playing with a full deck when he crying wolf. Still, it provokes me to evaluate the true inner motives for this person to react so badly, to something that really wasn't any of his business. In hindsight everything is usually clearer, and in hindsight, I saw traces of this before, but as always, I chose to see the positive side and ignored the potential for rottenness.
Other small situations have come and gone that further illustrated what I have seen as a pattern in my life, to idealize people because I chose to only see the best in them, giving them the benefit of the doubt and allow them in my life in spite of evidence of potential rottenness. Someone once said to me: "Follow your gut level reaction, it's usually the right one." So, I guess the essence should be obvious, if you can let go of idealism and altruistic filters.
Two last questions remain: If the search of the essence is the quest for what's real and pure about things and people, then what is the value/role of idealism, and is it a value/role we should keep or dump?