(no subject)
Just went out on my first 'official' date with Jason.
It's... I don't know. I'm just... not feeling it right now. And I'll probably change my opinion a million times, but it just seemes that tonight, I just won't take anything like that well.
I'm kind of having a really bad missing-Matt-or-rather-the-idea-of-him night. I think it's because I wore a necklace that he gave me... which really shouldn't have done anything because it's just a necklace. Who cares, right? It just goes really well with this top that I wore tonight.
I think I'm going to put even the jewelry away.
I don't even know why I'm doing this whole thing with Jason. I really don't. I just keep reminding myself that I did this with Matt too. I try to say 'you came home from a date with Matt and cried because you liked Michael... and look what came of it' (and not the bad cheating and stuff, but the dating).
I... I don't know. I'm so scared to even casually date him. I think it's because of all of the pressure that was put on me to 'not break his heart'. I feel like I'm leading him on even though I already told him that I didn't want to exclusively date him.
Yeah, one night, after he came over to study calc (aka watch an incubus concert), he was really affectionate... as in he kissed me... a lot... and then, that night, I talked to him about how fast he thought this was going to go and I told him that I can't jump into any kind of relationship with him.
And he said that agreed.
But then he said that titles were stupid but people should know boundaries.
And... I don't know the boundaries here. I really don't. Am I allowed to date other people? Because, if not, I want to tell him that I can't do this and it wouldn't be fair to either him or me.
I just don't want it to go too far... but I think it is.
And I was really stand-off-ish and he kept kissing me on the cheek and side of the head and stuff... and... I don't know!
I just. Yeah.
It's... I don't know. I'm just... not feeling it right now. And I'll probably change my opinion a million times, but it just seemes that tonight, I just won't take anything like that well.
I'm kind of having a really bad missing-Matt-or-rather-the-idea-of-him night. I think it's because I wore a necklace that he gave me... which really shouldn't have done anything because it's just a necklace. Who cares, right? It just goes really well with this top that I wore tonight.
I think I'm going to put even the jewelry away.
I don't even know why I'm doing this whole thing with Jason. I really don't. I just keep reminding myself that I did this with Matt too. I try to say 'you came home from a date with Matt and cried because you liked Michael... and look what came of it' (and not the bad cheating and stuff, but the dating).
I... I don't know. I'm so scared to even casually date him. I think it's because of all of the pressure that was put on me to 'not break his heart'. I feel like I'm leading him on even though I already told him that I didn't want to exclusively date him.
Yeah, one night, after he came over to study calc (aka watch an incubus concert), he was really affectionate... as in he kissed me... a lot... and then, that night, I talked to him about how fast he thought this was going to go and I told him that I can't jump into any kind of relationship with him.
And he said that agreed.
But then he said that titles were stupid but people should know boundaries.
And... I don't know the boundaries here. I really don't. Am I allowed to date other people? Because, if not, I want to tell him that I can't do this and it wouldn't be fair to either him or me.
I just don't want it to go too far... but I think it is.
And I was really stand-off-ish and he kept kissing me on the cheek and side of the head and stuff... and... I don't know!
I just. Yeah.