the L word
What can I hear? Piano? It's music. And the creaming inside it. Not the vocals, no. But the song itself. And i don't mean this song in particular, it's just... I can hear it all the time. The screaming.
And I don't know where it's coming from. I can even read it... the sound. How does that make sense? Fuck. It doesn't. And it doesn't matter. I get blocked every second and then the only thing is just the screaming, and my ears hurt already. So do my eyes. Why? It doesn't matter, I said, it doesn't have to make sense. I just wish that it would stop.
If i grew wings and flew high up would I be high enough to not hear that tearing sound anymore? Or maybe i would fly too close to the sun and get burned? And then fall back down.
Right now only the two of us remember it. But only I'm still thinking about it, isn't that true? I would like to laugh and say "I don't care, it's fine" but lately it's becoming a burden I can't lift, maybe I'm just exhausted from carrying it. Why don't I have wings?
I have already completely gone off the topic now, or have I? I could go on and repeat myself and say that it fucking doesn't matter, but I'd be lying again because it matters a lot, even if I don't want it to.
Maybe the screaming is good? Or maybe I should ignore it? Or maybe I should scream together with that voice. And let go. Stupid shit rhetorical questions that no one will answer. I don't need to waste my time with them, but still I do. Appearantly hoping for an answer to just fly in through the window in my lap, or jump in my head - even better, that I didn't have to voice the answer. Because I know I will not like hearing it.
Still, the music plays and I'm swimming. Slowly drifting in nothingness like a... fuck, I don't even know like what. A rock? OK, I'll go with that... a rock. But rocks don't drift, they sink. And that's exactly what I'm doing. Just sinking. Hoping for the screaming to stop, and for the music to lift me up out of the water, but at the same time not doing anything to help it. Like mould - just being there, that's all.
And yet after realizing it I'm still in the same spot, craving for salvation that will never come on it's own. Craving for that one feeling. Which makes me confused. I want it so badly, but somehow I hate it.
And that is what freezes me, this unending indecisiveness. Just fuck it, I will try and fly, like the clouds, so peacefully... I don't have wings. And i will never have them. But i will still try to fly. And then maybe, just maybe, the screaming will go away, and the music will be able to heal again.
Why don't i have wings?
Can you guess what the L word is? ;)
And I don't know where it's coming from. I can even read it... the sound. How does that make sense? Fuck. It doesn't. And it doesn't matter. I get blocked every second and then the only thing is just the screaming, and my ears hurt already. So do my eyes. Why? It doesn't matter, I said, it doesn't have to make sense. I just wish that it would stop.
If i grew wings and flew high up would I be high enough to not hear that tearing sound anymore? Or maybe i would fly too close to the sun and get burned? And then fall back down.
Right now only the two of us remember it. But only I'm still thinking about it, isn't that true? I would like to laugh and say "I don't care, it's fine" but lately it's becoming a burden I can't lift, maybe I'm just exhausted from carrying it. Why don't I have wings?
I have already completely gone off the topic now, or have I? I could go on and repeat myself and say that it fucking doesn't matter, but I'd be lying again because it matters a lot, even if I don't want it to.
Maybe the screaming is good? Or maybe I should ignore it? Or maybe I should scream together with that voice. And let go. Stupid shit rhetorical questions that no one will answer. I don't need to waste my time with them, but still I do. Appearantly hoping for an answer to just fly in through the window in my lap, or jump in my head - even better, that I didn't have to voice the answer. Because I know I will not like hearing it.
Still, the music plays and I'm swimming. Slowly drifting in nothingness like a... fuck, I don't even know like what. A rock? OK, I'll go with that... a rock. But rocks don't drift, they sink. And that's exactly what I'm doing. Just sinking. Hoping for the screaming to stop, and for the music to lift me up out of the water, but at the same time not doing anything to help it. Like mould - just being there, that's all.
And yet after realizing it I'm still in the same spot, craving for salvation that will never come on it's own. Craving for that one feeling. Which makes me confused. I want it so badly, but somehow I hate it.
And that is what freezes me, this unending indecisiveness. Just fuck it, I will try and fly, like the clouds, so peacefully... I don't have wings. And i will never have them. But i will still try to fly. And then maybe, just maybe, the screaming will go away, and the music will be able to heal again.
Why don't i have wings?
Can you guess what the L word is? ;)